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Failure to Thrive
21 year old wants to move to west coast
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<blockquote data-quote="MissLulu" data-source="post: 759616" data-attributes="member: 24721"><p>Drew, I have kids around the same age (25, 21 and 17). What you've described here seems within normal parameters for kids these days.</p><p>I completely understand your concerns about whether she will cope or not - as parents we all have these concerns, but your daughter is an adult and there is nothing you can do to stop her. In fact, I would suggest that the more you push back, the more likely you are to push her away.</p><p></p><p>It is quite common for kids to make friends online these days, and making money from gaming/websites online projects is also common, particularly amongst younger people, so I don't see an issue with that per se.</p><p></p><p>My approach would be to offer some help (not financial but other help). For instance, you could suggest going with her to help her move her stuff, or to check out the apartment beforehand. This way you would get to meet the others and make sure everything was above board. If you try to stop her or argue with her about this, you may push her into a situation where she doesn't feel like she can contact you if something goes wrong.</p><p></p><p>A small example from my own life - today my 17 year old son is travelling to our state capital (it's a public holiday here in Australia) to meet up with a bunch of people he met online. I'm a bit nervous about this because we live over 100km away from the city and he is still young. However there are other kids going from this area who I know. The reason I know them is because when he started spending time with these kids online, I encouraged him to invite the ones who lived locally to come for a pizza and movie night and to stay over. This meant that I got to see what these kids were like and whether they were safe for my son to spend time with. Because I was welcoming and have been accommodating of my son's choice in friends he is keeping me in the loop about his friends and their plans, which I think is a good thing. He knows that he can call me if anything goes awry today and I will help. Even though I am nervous, I feel this is a better outcome than me banning the trip and pushing him into a situation where he may lie and see these people behind my back.</p><p></p><p>Of course something could go wrong - just like it could for your daughter, but we have to allow our kids to develop independence.</p><p></p><p>Is your issue that she will be a long way from home, that you don't know the other young women or that she is moving out? Because by your daughter's age many kids have spent time away from home at college, with people their parents do not know, often a long way from home. This is how kids grow and learn to develop skills. If it is that you don't know the other young women, are there steps you can take to remedy this? Can you talk to her in a non confrontational way and say something like you are happy for her and support the idea in theory but for her safety and your peace of mind you'd love to meet the others/see where she is going to live?</p><p></p><p>You mention a camp she came home early from. Surely this was when she was a child or teen, so not recently? She is 21 now, an adult, and this is her choice. I think your wife is right. You need to give her a chance to prove herself. If it were me I would send her off with love and the knowledge she can come home if things go wrong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissLulu, post: 759616, member: 24721"] Drew, I have kids around the same age (25, 21 and 17). What you've described here seems within normal parameters for kids these days. I completely understand your concerns about whether she will cope or not - as parents we all have these concerns, but your daughter is an adult and there is nothing you can do to stop her. In fact, I would suggest that the more you push back, the more likely you are to push her away. It is quite common for kids to make friends online these days, and making money from gaming/websites online projects is also common, particularly amongst younger people, so I don't see an issue with that per se. My approach would be to offer some help (not financial but other help). For instance, you could suggest going with her to help her move her stuff, or to check out the apartment beforehand. This way you would get to meet the others and make sure everything was above board. If you try to stop her or argue with her about this, you may push her into a situation where she doesn't feel like she can contact you if something goes wrong. A small example from my own life - today my 17 year old son is travelling to our state capital (it's a public holiday here in Australia) to meet up with a bunch of people he met online. I'm a bit nervous about this because we live over 100km away from the city and he is still young. However there are other kids going from this area who I know. The reason I know them is because when he started spending time with these kids online, I encouraged him to invite the ones who lived locally to come for a pizza and movie night and to stay over. This meant that I got to see what these kids were like and whether they were safe for my son to spend time with. Because I was welcoming and have been accommodating of my son's choice in friends he is keeping me in the loop about his friends and their plans, which I think is a good thing. He knows that he can call me if anything goes awry today and I will help. Even though I am nervous, I feel this is a better outcome than me banning the trip and pushing him into a situation where he may lie and see these people behind my back. Of course something could go wrong - just like it could for your daughter, but we have to allow our kids to develop independence. Is your issue that she will be a long way from home, that you don't know the other young women or that she is moving out? Because by your daughter's age many kids have spent time away from home at college, with people their parents do not know, often a long way from home. This is how kids grow and learn to develop skills. If it is that you don't know the other young women, are there steps you can take to remedy this? Can you talk to her in a non confrontational way and say something like you are happy for her and support the idea in theory but for her safety and your peace of mind you'd love to meet the others/see where she is going to live? You mention a camp she came home early from. Surely this was when she was a child or teen, so not recently? She is 21 now, an adult, and this is her choice. I think your wife is right. You need to give her a chance to prove herself. If it were me I would send her off with love and the knowledge she can come home if things go wrong. [/QUOTE]
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21 year old wants to move to west coast
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