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Failure to Thrive
21 year old wants to move to west coast
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759629" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Drew</p><p></p><p>When I was 21 I went to UC Berkeley. I had already been self-supporting for 4 years. Promptly within a few months after I arrived I ended up arrested twice. Then, needing to support myself I got a job as a waitress and ended up a barfly.</p><p></p><p>Fast forward many years, I am a doctor, I am a person of stability, self-respect and means.</p><p></p><p>Why am I telling you this? I agree with everything MissLulu writes. I believe these kids will do as they will do. It's not sensible. It's imprudent. It's unrealistic and potentially irresponsible. But they are legal adults. There is a saying in Spanish that roughly translates this way: as much as it's one way, it's the opposite.</p><p></p><p>It's a big mistake for your child to travel to a place she's never been, to depend on people she doesn't know, without a work history, anything to fall back upon, and vulnerabilities. It may be an accident waiting to happen.</p><p></p><p>But you can't hold her back. It would be to undermine her, to suggest she can't do it, that she is too fragile, not to be trusted and without capacity to grow and to change. That's what the saying means. As much as the situation is foolhardy, it would be worse to try to discourage or to restrain her--most of all, by telling her she is not ready or unable. That would be undermining her.</p><p></p><p>To me it's the right thing to have courage and to take a risk. We don't know that she won't fly, away from the nest. It could be a disaster, but as Ms. Lulu says, she can come home to you. Her biggest strength and resource right now is your love and support, and your belief in her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759629, member: 18958"] Dear Drew When I was 21 I went to UC Berkeley. I had already been self-supporting for 4 years. Promptly within a few months after I arrived I ended up arrested twice. Then, needing to support myself I got a job as a waitress and ended up a barfly. Fast forward many years, I am a doctor, I am a person of stability, self-respect and means. Why am I telling you this? I agree with everything MissLulu writes. I believe these kids will do as they will do. It's not sensible. It's imprudent. It's unrealistic and potentially irresponsible. But they are legal adults. There is a saying in Spanish that roughly translates this way: as much as it's one way, it's the opposite. It's a big mistake for your child to travel to a place she's never been, to depend on people she doesn't know, without a work history, anything to fall back upon, and vulnerabilities. It may be an accident waiting to happen. But you can't hold her back. It would be to undermine her, to suggest she can't do it, that she is too fragile, not to be trusted and without capacity to grow and to change. That's what the saying means. As much as the situation is foolhardy, it would be worse to try to discourage or to restrain her--most of all, by telling her she is not ready or unable. That would be undermining her. To me it's the right thing to have courage and to take a risk. We don't know that she won't fly, away from the nest. It could be a disaster, but as Ms. Lulu says, she can come home to you. Her biggest strength and resource right now is your love and support, and your belief in her. [/QUOTE]
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21 year old wants to move to west coast
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