I posted 2-3 weeks ago about my mentally ill and drug addicted stepson, and the trials my husband and I have faced trying to help him get his life together these past three years. When last I posted, the situation was that after using drugs once again and subsequently experiencing a psychotic break once again, he was involuntarily committed to the hospital, after which, per our contract with him, he was not permitted to return to our home to live. In working with the ACT program, we found him a 30 day placement at a homeless shelter which provides support with jobs, education, and future assisted housing.
Of course being 21 years old, no one can force him to take the medication he needs to control his bipolar and schizophrenia. Unless the shelter actively observes him using drugs, they have no reason to expel him. At the moment he is residing there but has no interest in taking advantage of their job program. He receives a $15 a day allowance from his disability check. It has become clear that he has stopped taking his medication and is once more smoking cannabis.
He reaches out to my husband about once a week to ask if he would like to go play pool etc. (He harasses my husband daily for money but that is another story.) The last time my husband took him out to spend some time with him, he was clearly under the influence of something.
My question is : should my husband decline invitations to spend time with his son when his son is impaired? I am not planning to share my views on the matter with my husband unless he asks. I understand that this is his child, and as much as I was involved in raising him from the age of 3, and as much as I love him, my bond as his stepmom is not the same. I am just wondering if my husband were to require a sober visit if this would have any positive effect on my stepson eg. 'I'd like to see my dad so I'm not going to get wasted today. If I do and it is obvious, my dad will not spend time with me today.' A part of me understands my husband seeing him regardless, but another part of me sees it as very sorry and disrespectful on the part of his son. Why would his father want to spend time with an erratic, stoned, sullen person who cannot hold a conversation and is almost certain to ask for money at some point? I am quite certain the thought has never occurred to him.
Should my husband be letting him know that he expects a certain level of conduct during these visits, or is this pie in the sky stuff considering the circumstances? Any advice, similar stories / experiences, would be appreciated.
God bless you all.
Of course being 21 years old, no one can force him to take the medication he needs to control his bipolar and schizophrenia. Unless the shelter actively observes him using drugs, they have no reason to expel him. At the moment he is residing there but has no interest in taking advantage of their job program. He receives a $15 a day allowance from his disability check. It has become clear that he has stopped taking his medication and is once more smoking cannabis.
He reaches out to my husband about once a week to ask if he would like to go play pool etc. (He harasses my husband daily for money but that is another story.) The last time my husband took him out to spend some time with him, he was clearly under the influence of something.
My question is : should my husband decline invitations to spend time with his son when his son is impaired? I am not planning to share my views on the matter with my husband unless he asks. I understand that this is his child, and as much as I was involved in raising him from the age of 3, and as much as I love him, my bond as his stepmom is not the same. I am just wondering if my husband were to require a sober visit if this would have any positive effect on my stepson eg. 'I'd like to see my dad so I'm not going to get wasted today. If I do and it is obvious, my dad will not spend time with me today.' A part of me understands my husband seeing him regardless, but another part of me sees it as very sorry and disrespectful on the part of his son. Why would his father want to spend time with an erratic, stoned, sullen person who cannot hold a conversation and is almost certain to ask for money at some point? I am quite certain the thought has never occurred to him.
Should my husband be letting him know that he expects a certain level of conduct during these visits, or is this pie in the sky stuff considering the circumstances? Any advice, similar stories / experiences, would be appreciated.
God bless you all.