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Parent Emeritus
Coping with addicted, homeless adult daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Dad34" data-source="post: 765043" data-attributes="member: 32757"><p>Copa,</p><p>Once again you make some very valid points. I know from another post of yours that you recently heard from your son and was accused by him, and you struggle, and I'm sorry to hear that. That is the fog of war I mentioned in this string; it is difficult to "hold the line" and do (or not do) what we know we should (or shouldn't) do, when we are in the midst of a frontal assault by them. We love our kids, know they have terrible judgement, know they are in desperate situations (consequences of their own decisions), and it's heartbreaking to tell them "No", we can't necessarily do what they ask of us. They ARE adults now, and it isn't our responsibility to bail them out, lest we be crushed, as you said above, because it becomes a repeated, endless cycle.</p><p></p><p>Are our paths God given? Mostly I believe that's true. I also believe God allows us to make choices, and some of our suffering comes from the consequences of our own choices, and that perhaps it could have been different if we'd made other choices. Just like our children who suffer the consequences of their decisions. But I agree that we can't expect only the good and easy. Suffering is part of this life and why should we expect to be exempt? As long as God is present with us in our suffering, which I believe he is (if we ask him), then I believe we can endure it and even be refined by it, somehow. But I am tired, I'll admit. Sometimes it seems so heavy. I need to focus on the good I have been given and not allow myself to be constantly pulled down into discouragement by my daughter's choices and her situation. We parents need to live our lives and enjoy our relationships with others in our lives.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dad34, post: 765043, member: 32757"] Copa, Once again you make some very valid points. I know from another post of yours that you recently heard from your son and was accused by him, and you struggle, and I'm sorry to hear that. That is the fog of war I mentioned in this string; it is difficult to "hold the line" and do (or not do) what we know we should (or shouldn't) do, when we are in the midst of a frontal assault by them. We love our kids, know they have terrible judgement, know they are in desperate situations (consequences of their own decisions), and it's heartbreaking to tell them "No", we can't necessarily do what they ask of us. They ARE adults now, and it isn't our responsibility to bail them out, lest we be crushed, as you said above, because it becomes a repeated, endless cycle. Are our paths God given? Mostly I believe that's true. I also believe God allows us to make choices, and some of our suffering comes from the consequences of our own choices, and that perhaps it could have been different if we'd made other choices. Just like our children who suffer the consequences of their decisions. But I agree that we can't expect only the good and easy. Suffering is part of this life and why should we expect to be exempt? As long as God is present with us in our suffering, which I believe he is (if we ask him), then I believe we can endure it and even be refined by it, somehow. But I am tired, I'll admit. Sometimes it seems so heavy. I need to focus on the good I have been given and not allow myself to be constantly pulled down into discouragement by my daughter's choices and her situation. We parents need to live our lives and enjoy our relationships with others in our lives. [/QUOTE]
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Coping with addicted, homeless adult daughter
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