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Do others feel this way with other children too?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752898" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think this is horribly hurtful. I think your other children are wrong. I think it's bad both to use you in this way, thoughtlessly, and I think it's worse to lie to you. And I think it's really wrong of your middle daughter to divide her family this way. What she is doing is horrible.</p><p></p><p>I am very sorry that my post above missed the mark. I won't justify what I wrote because it was clearly wrong, and did not apply to you. This is one of the weak links in a forum like this. We speak from our own experience, while we try to be helpful. And when we don't know enough about each others circumstances our words can be insensitive, unintentionally.</p><p></p><p>I think you're exactly right here. You are comparing yourself here, to me, how I felt excluded from my mother's relationship with my sister. And how I created this world of being marginalized and rejected, when I could just as well have been happy that my mother and sister had each other, and done my hardest to be part of the family. I agree with you 1000 percent that that would have been the strongest, kindest and wisest way to have been.</p><p></p><p>Please believe that now that my mother has died, I reproach myself with the same words. And my sister since my mother's death won't even allow me to write her an email wishing her happy birthday. I ask myself over and over how I let my life turn out this way. (Crying here.) If I could go back I would be another person with another life.</p><p></p><p>You're right. This was my family. What I wouldn't do to have done whatever I could have to make it be whole, so that I could be whole. But I can't go back.</p><p></p><p>Yes. I agree with you. There are choice points. How I wish I had seen them, and made these priorities in my life instead of nursing my wounds. Yes. There are attitudes and actions that can help us mend, not break.</p><p></p><p>One thing I could have done is to have felt my pain and told the truth to myself. Another thing I could have done is to have tried to push aside my feelings of grievance. I could have acted from strength and love. And told the truth to my sister and mother. I could have made it the priority in my life to mend these relationships and keep them strong and true. I wish I had.</p><p></p><p>I am very sorry if I contributed to your pain.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752898, member: 18958"] I think this is horribly hurtful. I think your other children are wrong. I think it's bad both to use you in this way, thoughtlessly, and I think it's worse to lie to you. And I think it's really wrong of your middle daughter to divide her family this way. What she is doing is horrible. I am very sorry that my post above missed the mark. I won't justify what I wrote because it was clearly wrong, and did not apply to you. This is one of the weak links in a forum like this. We speak from our own experience, while we try to be helpful. And when we don't know enough about each others circumstances our words can be insensitive, unintentionally. I think you're exactly right here. You are comparing yourself here, to me, how I felt excluded from my mother's relationship with my sister. And how I created this world of being marginalized and rejected, when I could just as well have been happy that my mother and sister had each other, and done my hardest to be part of the family. I agree with you 1000 percent that that would have been the strongest, kindest and wisest way to have been. Please believe that now that my mother has died, I reproach myself with the same words. And my sister since my mother's death won't even allow me to write her an email wishing her happy birthday. I ask myself over and over how I let my life turn out this way. (Crying here.) If I could go back I would be another person with another life. You're right. This was my family. What I wouldn't do to have done whatever I could have to make it be whole, so that I could be whole. But I can't go back. Yes. I agree with you. There are choice points. How I wish I had seen them, and made these priorities in my life instead of nursing my wounds. Yes. There are attitudes and actions that can help us mend, not break. One thing I could have done is to have felt my pain and told the truth to myself. Another thing I could have done is to have tried to push aside my feelings of grievance. I could have acted from strength and love. And told the truth to my sister and mother. I could have made it the priority in my life to mend these relationships and keep them strong and true. I wish I had. I am very sorry if I contributed to your pain. [/QUOTE]
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