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Failure to Thrive
For those whose children have mental issues, where to start getting help?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 763056" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome to my world. My son is 34 now. We have been dealing with this for 11 years. My son is homeless unless I house him. Housing him is a disaster. Plus, he has become paranoid.</p><p></p><p>I have been on this forum over 7 years. This is what I have learned here, and through dealing with our situation. Trust me. None of this is easy. While it has NOT gotten easier I am freer and happier. I worry still night and day. I still feel terrible. But the situation with my son no longer completely dominates my life. I am able to work, and to have goals that do not have to do with him. My life used to center on him: that he take medications, that he get evaluated psychologically, get drug treatment, that he work or go to college, etc., etc.</p><p></p><p>Worry for him and conflict with him used to dominate my life. Why? Because I chose that. I chose to believe that I had the responsibility to help him change. Now the worry and concern are part of my life but do not dominate and overrun it. And I must say the conflict is way reduced. Why? Because of boundaries. Both internal and external ones. External boundaries are: I do not let him come back. And I do not physically see him, almost never. I have seen him one time in the past year. Internal boundaries are: I do not dwell on him. I recognize I have no voice or vote in his life choices. I feel grief but I do not let it overrun me.</p><p></p><p>So. To your post. I do not have any control over what my son does or does not do with his life. I do not get to make priorities and goals for his life. I do not get a vote on what he consumes or does not consume. I do not have a voice in his healthcare. All of this is his concern. If he cannot live within society's constraints and chooses to not follow rules or have goals consistent with what is expected, it is his business. As long he is not gravely mentally ill, dangerous to others, or mentally deficient, society will largely leave him alone. If he chooses to not get treatment, there is the likelihood he will do something that comes to the attention of the police, but there is not one thing I can do about it.</p><p></p><p>The more I have come to see the truth of what I have written above, the better I feel, and the better is my relationship with my son.</p><p></p><p>I recognize it is getting cold where you live. My son sleeps under bushes in the rain, without a tent or sleeping bag.. No way is this fun for me, and I have a hard time believing it is agreeable for him. The thing is there is not one thing I can do to change this. Only our sons can change how they live.</p><p></p><p>I am not a hard woman. On the contrary. I am caring and I am vulnerable. The only difference between you and I is that I have faced reality. I wish I could tell you it is different than this. It is not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 763056, member: 18958"] Welcome to my world. My son is 34 now. We have been dealing with this for 11 years. My son is homeless unless I house him. Housing him is a disaster. Plus, he has become paranoid. I have been on this forum over 7 years. This is what I have learned here, and through dealing with our situation. Trust me. None of this is easy. While it has NOT gotten easier I am freer and happier. I worry still night and day. I still feel terrible. But the situation with my son no longer completely dominates my life. I am able to work, and to have goals that do not have to do with him. My life used to center on him: that he take medications, that he get evaluated psychologically, get drug treatment, that he work or go to college, etc., etc. Worry for him and conflict with him used to dominate my life. Why? Because I chose that. I chose to believe that I had the responsibility to help him change. Now the worry and concern are part of my life but do not dominate and overrun it. And I must say the conflict is way reduced. Why? Because of boundaries. Both internal and external ones. External boundaries are: I do not let him come back. And I do not physically see him, almost never. I have seen him one time in the past year. Internal boundaries are: I do not dwell on him. I recognize I have no voice or vote in his life choices. I feel grief but I do not let it overrun me. So. To your post. I do not have any control over what my son does or does not do with his life. I do not get to make priorities and goals for his life. I do not get a vote on what he consumes or does not consume. I do not have a voice in his healthcare. All of this is his concern. If he cannot live within society's constraints and chooses to not follow rules or have goals consistent with what is expected, it is his business. As long he is not gravely mentally ill, dangerous to others, or mentally deficient, society will largely leave him alone. If he chooses to not get treatment, there is the likelihood he will do something that comes to the attention of the police, but there is not one thing I can do about it. The more I have come to see the truth of what I have written above, the better I feel, and the better is my relationship with my son. I recognize it is getting cold where you live. My son sleeps under bushes in the rain, without a tent or sleeping bag.. No way is this fun for me, and I have a hard time believing it is agreeable for him. The thing is there is not one thing I can do to change this. Only our sons can change how they live. I am not a hard woman. On the contrary. I am caring and I am vulnerable. The only difference between you and I is that I have faced reality. I wish I could tell you it is different than this. It is not. [/QUOTE]
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