MissLulu
Well-Known Member
Hello everyone, it's been a while since I've posted and I wanted to say hi and let you know how things are with me right now.
I guess I've been afraid to post, even though I visit this board several times a week, because I'm superstitious about saying anything positive about my son. I'm not normally a superstitious person but it seems every time I let my guard down, and let myself think things are going well, something dramatic happens and we're right back at square one. So, I'm not here to make predictions, or even to run commentary on my son's life, I'm just here to tell you some facts and report on how I am going!
Today, my son has gone away with his girlfriend's family. She is a lovely girl, who we all like very much. I was very concerned about this relationship: concerned for her, in case he had a breakdown, as she is young and I wondered if she knew what she was getting into; and concerned for him because I didn't know if he would cope if the relationship didn't last. But so far, so good. They have been together for about 21 months at this point.
He is still living in the house we own and paying us rent. So far he has not missed a payment. We bought the house in March 2020 and he's lived in it ever since. I have only rarely visited (due to lockdowns and covid regulations being in place for most of the time he's lived there) but my husband has visited a bit to do maintenance work and he is happy with the way the property is being maintained. He says the lawns are mowed and the inside is neat and tidy. My younger son visited this morning to help his brother move a bed and confirmed that it is neat and tidy.
He is still working and has completed the first year of his apprenticeship as a fitter and turner. He has gone to trade school and completed all the tasks to graduate to 2nd Year Apprentice. He seems to enjoy this work and his employer has been very good to him.
We don't see a lot of him but this is partially due to covid. Our regulations have eased significantly in the past weeks, though, and this meant he brought his girlfriend over for dinner this week, which was nice.
As for me, I am a little better than I was - not quite as anxious and focused on him. I have stepped away completely in the past year or so. I do not contact him unless I have something I absolutely need him to know. If he contacts me, I am warm and friendly and loving. This seems to work for us. When I was was contacting him more frequently, I would often catch him in a bad moment or perhaps he felt "watched" or "checked up on" and as a result he was guarded and abrupt. Now, he calls when he has time to talk and is in the mood, so this seems to work better for us both. I have to admit to still have a PTSD type reaction to seeing his name come up on my phone. My immediate first thought is, what's wrong?
The past couple of years have taken a big toll on my mental and physical health. I am relatively young (55) and have always been quite fit (maybe a few pounds overweight, but fit and active). Like most people I've had the odd health scare, and times where I've not looked after myself properly, but overall I was a fit and healthy woman before all this. I feel like the last couple of years have aged me. I have a number of digestive problems and my anxiety levels are very high (better now than at the peak of my son's troubles but still there). As a result of this, my husband and I have decided to move to the other side of the state to live in a small town. We feel like a fresh start away from my son will benefit us both. (We'll still be within a day's easy drive of my son if we are needed.)
Our middle son lives on the eastern side of our capital city, so he is already far from us. This move will not significantly change the distance we are from him. I am close to him and speak to him regularly and know that he will make visiting us a priority. Youngest son is about to finish high school and head off to university, so it won't affect him overly. We will be about 4 hours drive from Difficult Child but he seems keen to visit when he has holidays. All three sons (and Difficult Child's girlfriend) have committed to coming to stay for Christmas.
We're heading into summer here in Australia and youngest son has the summer off. He has decided to move in with Difficult Child once his dad and I move to the country. He'll stay until university starts in March. I'd be lying if I said I was totally relaxed about this. I'm concerned. But they are both adults and and they are both very happy with this decision. Youngest son knows he can come to us if anything goes wrong. I'm trying to relax about it, but it's not easy.
I think that's it. We move to our new (beautiful!) house in mid-November and I'm very much looking forward to making a fresh start.
I guess I've been afraid to post, even though I visit this board several times a week, because I'm superstitious about saying anything positive about my son. I'm not normally a superstitious person but it seems every time I let my guard down, and let myself think things are going well, something dramatic happens and we're right back at square one. So, I'm not here to make predictions, or even to run commentary on my son's life, I'm just here to tell you some facts and report on how I am going!
Today, my son has gone away with his girlfriend's family. She is a lovely girl, who we all like very much. I was very concerned about this relationship: concerned for her, in case he had a breakdown, as she is young and I wondered if she knew what she was getting into; and concerned for him because I didn't know if he would cope if the relationship didn't last. But so far, so good. They have been together for about 21 months at this point.
He is still living in the house we own and paying us rent. So far he has not missed a payment. We bought the house in March 2020 and he's lived in it ever since. I have only rarely visited (due to lockdowns and covid regulations being in place for most of the time he's lived there) but my husband has visited a bit to do maintenance work and he is happy with the way the property is being maintained. He says the lawns are mowed and the inside is neat and tidy. My younger son visited this morning to help his brother move a bed and confirmed that it is neat and tidy.
He is still working and has completed the first year of his apprenticeship as a fitter and turner. He has gone to trade school and completed all the tasks to graduate to 2nd Year Apprentice. He seems to enjoy this work and his employer has been very good to him.
We don't see a lot of him but this is partially due to covid. Our regulations have eased significantly in the past weeks, though, and this meant he brought his girlfriend over for dinner this week, which was nice.
As for me, I am a little better than I was - not quite as anxious and focused on him. I have stepped away completely in the past year or so. I do not contact him unless I have something I absolutely need him to know. If he contacts me, I am warm and friendly and loving. This seems to work for us. When I was was contacting him more frequently, I would often catch him in a bad moment or perhaps he felt "watched" or "checked up on" and as a result he was guarded and abrupt. Now, he calls when he has time to talk and is in the mood, so this seems to work better for us both. I have to admit to still have a PTSD type reaction to seeing his name come up on my phone. My immediate first thought is, what's wrong?
The past couple of years have taken a big toll on my mental and physical health. I am relatively young (55) and have always been quite fit (maybe a few pounds overweight, but fit and active). Like most people I've had the odd health scare, and times where I've not looked after myself properly, but overall I was a fit and healthy woman before all this. I feel like the last couple of years have aged me. I have a number of digestive problems and my anxiety levels are very high (better now than at the peak of my son's troubles but still there). As a result of this, my husband and I have decided to move to the other side of the state to live in a small town. We feel like a fresh start away from my son will benefit us both. (We'll still be within a day's easy drive of my son if we are needed.)
Our middle son lives on the eastern side of our capital city, so he is already far from us. This move will not significantly change the distance we are from him. I am close to him and speak to him regularly and know that he will make visiting us a priority. Youngest son is about to finish high school and head off to university, so it won't affect him overly. We will be about 4 hours drive from Difficult Child but he seems keen to visit when he has holidays. All three sons (and Difficult Child's girlfriend) have committed to coming to stay for Christmas.
We're heading into summer here in Australia and youngest son has the summer off. He has decided to move in with Difficult Child once his dad and I move to the country. He'll stay until university starts in March. I'd be lying if I said I was totally relaxed about this. I'm concerned. But they are both adults and and they are both very happy with this decision. Youngest son knows he can come to us if anything goes wrong. I'm trying to relax about it, but it's not easy.
I think that's it. We move to our new (beautiful!) house in mid-November and I'm very much looking forward to making a fresh start.
