How to raise a narcissistic kid?
- Thread starter Tarisus
- Start date
Here are a couple of articles that may be useful for you:
Origins of narcissism in children
Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad – and Surprising Good – about Feeling Special
On overvaluing parental overvaluation as the origins of narcissism
I don’t know the answer to your problem, but I will tell you what I have observed over the years in dealing with three people I truly believe were narcissists.
The first narcissist I’ll discuss is Philip (fake name to protect privacy). Philip’s parents thought he hung the moon. He was the golden child. His three sisters were often overlooked or ignored because of all the attention Philip’s parents gave him. They told him he was brilliant, the most important of his siblings, gifted, etc. His parents’ plan was yo simply motivate him to make good grades so he could have a successful future. Instead, it all went to Philip’s head. He became egotistical and looked down on those who didn’t live up to his high standards. He was also very self-righteous.
The second person I suspect was a narcissist, I’ll discuss next. His fake name is Bruce. His parents were wealthy. I don’t know if that is what made his ego balloon. He had no conscience and admitted that he was only going to look out for himself now. He abandoned his family, had affairs, and became addicted to porn comic books.
The third narcissist I came to know when I worked in the corporate world. He was very verbally abusive to everyone and had a terrible temper. He was egotistical and argumentative. He was not even self aware enough to realize he has to be humble and kind to be a Christian. His father was an alcoholic, so I don’t know if that caused his behavior. He could not tolerate being politely corrected.
The first narcissist I’ll discuss is Philip (fake name to protect privacy). Philip’s parents thought he hung the moon. He was the golden child. His three sisters were often overlooked or ignored because of all the attention Philip’s parents gave him. They told him he was brilliant, the most important of his siblings, gifted, etc. His parents’ plan was yo simply motivate him to make good grades so he could have a successful future. Instead, it all went to Philip’s head. He became egotistical and looked down on those who didn’t live up to his high standards. He was also very self-righteous.
The second person I suspect was a narcissist, I’ll discuss next. His fake name is Bruce. His parents were wealthy. I don’t know if that is what made his ego balloon. He had no conscience and admitted that he was only going to look out for himself now. He abandoned his family, had affairs, and became addicted to porn comic books.
The third narcissist I came to know when I worked in the corporate world. He was very verbally abusive to everyone and had a terrible temper. He was egotistical and argumentative. He was not even self aware enough to realize he has to be humble and kind to be a Christian. His father was an alcoholic, so I don’t know if that caused his behavior. He could not tolerate being politely corrected.
I have a close relative that was a narcissist. His parents divorced when he was young and then his father died un expectantly. His grandparents raised him for much of his youth and from what I understand, they gave him whatever he wanted. His mother reclaimed custody , but hesitated to discipline him since he was accustomed to being treated so differently by his grandparents. He Showed little true empathy for others and would become beligerant and at times violent if he didn’t get his way.
Later in life, I met a different type of narcissist…similar. Bottom line with this one is everything revolves around him and he must get all the attention. Again, no true empathy. More overt signs /obvious in this department. Not prone to violence like the other man. Also had an absentee father …kind of interesting.
Fragile ego for both.
I find this personality disorder extraordinarily difficult and taxing. If they are willing to go to therapy, that’s great and somewhat miraculous. Both individual and family counseling. Call them out , perhaps gently but firmly, on their lack of empathy and BS.
Later in life, I met a different type of narcissist…similar. Bottom line with this one is everything revolves around him and he must get all the attention. Again, no true empathy. More overt signs /obvious in this department. Not prone to violence like the other man. Also had an absentee father …kind of interesting.
Fragile ego for both.
I find this personality disorder extraordinarily difficult and taxing. If they are willing to go to therapy, that’s great and somewhat miraculous. Both individual and family counseling. Call them out , perhaps gently but firmly, on their lack of empathy and BS.
Interesting articles and discussion here. My younger sister has some traits in common with the introverted narcissist personality type. From a young age she was convinced that I was the favored child. I never felt this way and neither did my parents by their own account. My mother always put it down to me being quiet and agreeable, (in private conversations) while my sister was a bull in a china shop and caused a lot more chaos in the family. She was in trouble more for this reason and so looked at me as the goody two shoes.
It pained my mother that my sister felt inferior. As a consequence she was often reluctant to hold her accountable for unacceptable behavior for fear of causing psychological harm. I would not say that my sister was spoiled; however the consequences did not often match the crimes. She would often lash out physically toward me - a black eye, head beaten against the car window on the way to school, getting shaken, twisted wrists, pushes and punches leaving bruises. My mother's response was most often 'you know what she is like - what do you want me to do?' And my sister was allowed to go on her merry way with not even an apology. In her eyes, I deserved it for merely existing. I'm sure this taught her on some level that it was ok to abuse and hurt others if they angered her, whether intentional or not.
Today we are in our 40s, and no more physical abuse, thank goodness. I know she loves me dearly as I do her. But she still has that undying compulsion to throw me under the bus. Basically, reading between the lines, everyone knows that she is more intelligent than I, and bless her heart, it is her job to educate me. If contradicted on something, she is still quick to jump, with anger, indignation, and put downs. If only she could be 'normal', the girl would probably be my best friend. But in true narcissistic fashion she doesn't think she needs therapy. If everyone would just stop getting on her nerves there wouldn't be a problem.
In a nutshell, it sucks!
It pained my mother that my sister felt inferior. As a consequence she was often reluctant to hold her accountable for unacceptable behavior for fear of causing psychological harm. I would not say that my sister was spoiled; however the consequences did not often match the crimes. She would often lash out physically toward me - a black eye, head beaten against the car window on the way to school, getting shaken, twisted wrists, pushes and punches leaving bruises. My mother's response was most often 'you know what she is like - what do you want me to do?' And my sister was allowed to go on her merry way with not even an apology. In her eyes, I deserved it for merely existing. I'm sure this taught her on some level that it was ok to abuse and hurt others if they angered her, whether intentional or not.
Today we are in our 40s, and no more physical abuse, thank goodness. I know she loves me dearly as I do her. But she still has that undying compulsion to throw me under the bus. Basically, reading between the lines, everyone knows that she is more intelligent than I, and bless her heart, it is her job to educate me. If contradicted on something, she is still quick to jump, with anger, indignation, and put downs. If only she could be 'normal', the girl would probably be my best friend. But in true narcissistic fashion she doesn't think she needs therapy. If everyone would just stop getting on her nerves there wouldn't be a problem.
In a nutshell, it sucks!
good vibes
New Member
Could this be Oppositional Defiant Disorder? If so, CBT might be a better solution.
