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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 764149" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Ithurtz,</p><p>Please don’t beat yourself up, you have been in a battleground trying to help your son.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea what that could be either, because I am not familiar with substances. I found a glass pipe in my daughters drawer many years ago, which I thought was used for pot. Turns out it was a meth pipe. I felt like an idiot. I also would find small plastic jewelry bags here and there. I started to read up on drugs and paraphernalia to educate myself. </p><p></p><p>You are not dumb, who knows what it was? How could you, if you are not familiar with drugs and the different forms? We love our kids and want the best for them, want to believe them. Unfortunately addicted adult kids will use that love to twist things around to keep us engaged and enabling.</p><p></p><p>My daughters said the same. “Just pot”. They are addicts and addicts are master manipulators. They know how to tug at our heartstrings and want to protect their ability to use whatever drug they are hooked on. We are the gullible parents who love them and want to believe that they would not go so far off the deep end. It got to the point in my home years ago while my two were living with late hubs and I that we would lock our wallets in our cars. Money and items would go missing and it “wasn’t me” was what we heard. It <em>was</em> them, living with us, riding the proverbial gravy train for as long as they could. We were lied to, stolen from, what went “missing” was probably pawned off for drugs. Looking back, the worst of it was the <em>time</em> that was stolen from us. We desperately tried to help them, they didn’t want help getting off drugs and on their feet, they wanted to continue to use drugs, our resources and ultimately us, while in our home. </p><p></p><p>There is little you can do for your son. He has to realize what he is doing to himself. We have no control over our adult kids choices. What we can do, is educate ourselves so that we are not duped and manipulated to the point where we enable them. What we can do, after the initial shock and grief, is find ways to get back up on our feet and work at strengthening ourselves. I know you are suffering Ithurtz. I am so sorry for the pain of it. Give yourself time to process and grieve. Then find the helpers for <em>you. </em>We become so embroiled with what our waywards are doing, that we forget about ourselves. It feels foreign to focus on self care but it is imperative in any situation, especially this one. </p><p> We can’t work through anything if we don’t love ourselves. </p><p>Take care</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 764149, member: 19522"] Hi Ithurtz, Please don’t beat yourself up, you have been in a battleground trying to help your son. I have no idea what that could be either, because I am not familiar with substances. I found a glass pipe in my daughters drawer many years ago, which I thought was used for pot. Turns out it was a meth pipe. I felt like an idiot. I also would find small plastic jewelry bags here and there. I started to read up on drugs and paraphernalia to educate myself. You are not dumb, who knows what it was? How could you, if you are not familiar with drugs and the different forms? We love our kids and want the best for them, want to believe them. Unfortunately addicted adult kids will use that love to twist things around to keep us engaged and enabling. My daughters said the same. “Just pot”. They are addicts and addicts are master manipulators. They know how to tug at our heartstrings and want to protect their ability to use whatever drug they are hooked on. We are the gullible parents who love them and want to believe that they would not go so far off the deep end. It got to the point in my home years ago while my two were living with late hubs and I that we would lock our wallets in our cars. Money and items would go missing and it “wasn’t me” was what we heard. It [I]was[/I] them, living with us, riding the proverbial gravy train for as long as they could. We were lied to, stolen from, what went “missing” was probably pawned off for drugs. Looking back, the worst of it was the [I]time[/I] that was stolen from us. We desperately tried to help them, they didn’t want help getting off drugs and on their feet, they wanted to continue to use drugs, our resources and ultimately us, while in our home. There is little you can do for your son. He has to realize what he is doing to himself. We have no control over our adult kids choices. What we can do, is educate ourselves so that we are not duped and manipulated to the point where we enable them. What we can do, after the initial shock and grief, is find ways to get back up on our feet and work at strengthening ourselves. I know you are suffering Ithurtz. I am so sorry for the pain of it. Give yourself time to process and grieve. Then find the helpers for [I]you. [/I]We become so embroiled with what our waywards are doing, that we forget about ourselves. It feels foreign to focus on self care but it is imperative in any situation, especially this one. We can’t work through anything if we don’t love ourselves. Take care New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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