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Hurts so much
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 764240" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Ithurtz,</p><p>My two display similar behavior as far as disappearing, then reappearing. It’s a hard rollercoaster to be on, these are our grown children, and we want them to have decent lives. Drug use and bizarre behaviors, that’s a difficult reality to live with.</p><p></p><p>It’s baffling how well timed my daughters coming back into our lives is, however brief, it starts a whole new challenge for me to adjust and reevaluate my reaction. When I was deep into the horror of their lifestyle, I would be affected in every way from contact with them. </p><p></p><p>It’s hard to discern what the truth <em>actually</em> is. My two swore up and down for a long time that “all they did was pot”, when they were deep into harder substances. I don’t know much about vaping, but think it is usually in liquid form. What the reality is, is that whatever your son is using, it has changed his behavior drastically to the point where friends and family have cut him off.</p><p></p><p>That’s a good thing. Hopefully he will follow through.</p><p></p><p>I hope he continues with therapy and eventually recovery. The problem with marijuana nowadays is that it is far more potent than before. </p><p></p><p>We may not ever get an explanation. I think regret and apologies comes with sobriety, or attempts at it. In sober moments my daughter has apologized, but unfortunately relapsed and disappeared off the radar again and back to using. This is why it is so important for us as parents to work at strengthening ourselves. It is not a linear process dealing with addicted, substance using loved ones. Detachment for me has meant that I have to remove myself from my emotional knee jerk reactions to the <em>good</em> and <em>bad</em>. I still have hope that one day my daughters will wake up, but I can’t base my living well on that outcome. That’s not living. </p><p></p><p>Anything is possible with unpredictable behaviors and active addiction. That’s why it’s so important for us to work on ourselves, we have no control over what our adult children choose. It’s too stressful and unhealthy to stay on the rollercoaster with them. They will do what they do, no matter what we say or how badly we feel. Detachment doesn’t mean we don’t love them, or that we have to go no contact (although I have done that based on my health). Detachment means that we learn to live our lives and find peace within. For me, that’s a constant goal to work at.</p><p> I hope that your son is better and that you continue to work on strategies that help you cope with whatever challenges may arise. </p><p>Please take good care of yourself.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 764240, member: 19522"] Hi Ithurtz, My two display similar behavior as far as disappearing, then reappearing. It’s a hard rollercoaster to be on, these are our grown children, and we want them to have decent lives. Drug use and bizarre behaviors, that’s a difficult reality to live with. It’s baffling how well timed my daughters coming back into our lives is, however brief, it starts a whole new challenge for me to adjust and reevaluate my reaction. When I was deep into the horror of their lifestyle, I would be affected in every way from contact with them. It’s hard to discern what the truth [I]actually[/I] is. My two swore up and down for a long time that “all they did was pot”, when they were deep into harder substances. I don’t know much about vaping, but think it is usually in liquid form. What the reality is, is that whatever your son is using, it has changed his behavior drastically to the point where friends and family have cut him off. That’s a good thing. Hopefully he will follow through. I hope he continues with therapy and eventually recovery. The problem with marijuana nowadays is that it is far more potent than before. We may not ever get an explanation. I think regret and apologies comes with sobriety, or attempts at it. In sober moments my daughter has apologized, but unfortunately relapsed and disappeared off the radar again and back to using. This is why it is so important for us as parents to work at strengthening ourselves. It is not a linear process dealing with addicted, substance using loved ones. Detachment for me has meant that I have to remove myself from my emotional knee jerk reactions to the [I]good[/I] and [I]bad[/I]. I still have hope that one day my daughters will wake up, but I can’t base my living well on that outcome. That’s not living. Anything is possible with unpredictable behaviors and active addiction. That’s why it’s so important for us to work on ourselves, we have no control over what our adult children choose. It’s too stressful and unhealthy to stay on the rollercoaster with them. They will do what they do, no matter what we say or how badly we feel. Detachment doesn’t mean we don’t love them, or that we have to go no contact (although I have done that based on my health). Detachment means that we learn to live our lives and find peace within. For me, that’s a constant goal to work at. I hope that your son is better and that you continue to work on strategies that help you cope with whatever challenges may arise. Please take good care of yourself. (((Hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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