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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764302" data-attributes="member: 18958">I think most if not all of us begin our adult lives with deficits and wounds. But if we have full intellectual capacity we are responsible for addressing these deficits and wounds. Sometimes, even, parents cause wounds. Even still, we as individuals must take responsibility for working through these injuries and overcoming them, if we can. Not everybody does this, but there is freedom of choice. Every day people are getting out of prison who have been addicts and hardened criminals and they decide to change. And they do. They go to a Rescue Mission and a sober living house and they decide to follow rules. And they begin to take responsibility for their lives. Just like that.I believe that often the whys are unknowable and the search for them can be dangerous and destructive. I believe that how when and what are more important questions. As in, how will I fix myself, what do I need to do and when will I do it? Injury and brokenness define life in this world. That is how I believe. I didn't always. I do now.When parents focus on the whys of our situations, they too often turn against themselves. (And our kids bash us too.) And the parents delude themselves into believing it is their responsibility to fix things. This we know is so very destructive and hurtful to everybody. We cannot fix the past. Our children, almost all of them, are adults. It's not that we don't care, it's that all of the power, potential, and control is with our adult children.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764302, member: 18958"] I think most if not all of us begin our adult lives with deficits and wounds. But if we have full intellectual capacity we are responsible for addressing these deficits and wounds. Sometimes, even, parents cause wounds. Even still, we as individuals must take responsibility for working through these injuries and overcoming them, if we can. Not everybody does this, but there is freedom of choice. Every day people are getting out of prison who have been addicts and hardened criminals and they decide to change. And they do. They go to a Rescue Mission and a sober living house and they decide to follow rules. And they begin to take responsibility for their lives. Just like that. I believe that often the whys are unknowable and the search for them can be dangerous and destructive. I believe that how when and what are more important questions. As in, how will I fix myself, what do I need to do and when will I do it? Injury and brokenness define life in this world. That is how I believe. I didn't always. I do now. When parents focus on the whys of our situations, they too often turn against themselves. (And our kids bash us too.) And the parents delude themselves into believing it is their responsibility to fix things. This we know is so very destructive and hurtful to everybody. We cannot fix the past. Our children, almost all of them, are adults. It's not that we don't care, it's that all of the power, potential, and control is with our adult children. [/QUOTE]

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