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Family of Origin
In a totally new place and need perspective? Cedar? Anyone?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 664762" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>You did nothing wrong. Had your sister been hurt, had she died, you would have been guilt-ridden all the rest of your days ~ and rightly so. You did what every loving person does. You told her mom. I did not know your mom waited fifteen years to tell your sister. I thought she'd said, "Your sister said blah, blah, blah."</p><p></p><p>Fifteen years?</p><p></p><p>Your mom did that to you both, Serenity. She did it to your sister and she did it to you, to create enmity. Here is what you don't know: What else did your mom say? We have all had teens, here. I have teen grands, now. Everyone goes to their mother with their concerns. Well, I mean, unless daughter is not herself, currently.</p><p></p><p>Ahem.</p><p></p><p>The point being you told your mom to keep your sister safe.</p><p></p><p>That is a loving and even, a courageous thing to do.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Once we began going through some of the things that happened with my sister, there was no other conclusion for me to draw but that she hates me. Like, with a lover's passionate intention. Only hate. That is why she has that picture of she and I in her bathroom. She told </p><p>me it was so she could see it everyday. That just isn't normal. Unless she was praying more rings of thorns around me. Anyway. What I meant to say is that it seems like each of our sister's have that same, passionate connection to us. </p><p></p><p>So it was nothing we did.</p><p></p><p>Our sisters hating us is an artifact of our dysfunctional families. I think my sister will never feel any differently about me. I think she may not even know she hates me. Why would you tell someone you and your cohorts had prayed a ring of thorns around them and their children to "bring them to the Lord."</p><p></p><p>That's real hatred, to direct that kind of intent at someone.</p><p></p><p>You didn't do anything wrong, Serenity.</p><p></p><p>Nothing you or I could have done would have changed this outcome.</p><p></p><p>My mom, in her mid-eighties now, is still working to keep it just that way.</p><p></p><p>The only thing she would like better is for both sisters to be jealous of the relationship the other had with the mother.</p><p></p><p>Isn't that something.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Good. You don't need it anyway.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is stellar.</p><p></p><p>I love this for you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have that same kind of feeling, Serenity. Like there are so many things to take up again.</p><p></p><p>Oh, good for us.</p><p></p><p>We have done good, good work here.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You have no way of knowing what that means to me. Daughter would tell me, as sh began to recover herself, about this or that person who listened, who had cared about a homeless, mentally ill, addicted alcoholic. We have had one special lady here for dinner, twice.</p><p></p><p>Thank you, Serenity. You will be wonderful in that capacity, and will make such a difference. It was this woman we could always contact if we hadn't heard from daughter when she was on the streets. She would know that daughter was alive when we did not, when we hadn't heard.</p><p></p><p>Know what? I love it that you wrote and published novels. I love it. </p><p>Of course your sister would call it porn. <em>What else was she going to say? </em>They hate us, Serenity, and do not wish us well.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You will pass, and you will be a wonderful resource for everyone whose life you touch.</p><p></p><p>This is wonderful, to know this.</p><p></p><p>I'm so glad you told us.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You do.</p><p></p><p>Plus, you've been through all the terrible family stuff and come through it. Plus, you've parented kids with problems, and helped and listened and consoled all of us here.</p><p></p><p>The lady I was telling you about? The one that was especially helpful to our daughter? Had gone through similar things herself. She had been homeless, even. She pulled herself out of it, went to school, went to work, and began checking on the homeless on her own time. She knows everything, and they know they can trust her. A position was created for her. That is what she does, now. She is very sad, sometimes. She takes in dogs and cats that the homeless cannot keep. I think she has like, four dogs and only one cat.</p><p></p><p>Wishing every good thing, Serenity. We will watch for your posts.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Ha! I still can't believe we actually did it. Remember how scary it was at first, how vulnerable we felt? We did it though.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hugs.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hugs:" title="hugs :hugs:" data-shortname=":hugs:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 664762, member: 17461"] You did nothing wrong. Had your sister been hurt, had she died, you would have been guilt-ridden all the rest of your days ~ and rightly so. You did what every loving person does. You told her mom. I did not know your mom waited fifteen years to tell your sister. I thought she'd said, "Your sister said blah, blah, blah." Fifteen years? Your mom did that to you both, Serenity. She did it to your sister and she did it to you, to create enmity. Here is what you don't know: What else did your mom say? We have all had teens, here. I have teen grands, now. Everyone goes to their mother with their concerns. Well, I mean, unless daughter is not herself, currently. Ahem. The point being you told your mom to keep your sister safe. That is a loving and even, a courageous thing to do. Once we began going through some of the things that happened with my sister, there was no other conclusion for me to draw but that she hates me. Like, with a lover's passionate intention. Only hate. That is why she has that picture of she and I in her bathroom. She told me it was so she could see it everyday. That just isn't normal. Unless she was praying more rings of thorns around me. Anyway. What I meant to say is that it seems like each of our sister's have that same, passionate connection to us. So it was nothing we did. Our sisters hating us is an artifact of our dysfunctional families. I think my sister will never feel any differently about me. I think she may not even know she hates me. Why would you tell someone you and your cohorts had prayed a ring of thorns around them and their children to "bring them to the Lord." That's real hatred, to direct that kind of intent at someone. You didn't do anything wrong, Serenity. Nothing you or I could have done would have changed this outcome. My mom, in her mid-eighties now, is still working to keep it just that way. The only thing she would like better is for both sisters to be jealous of the relationship the other had with the mother. Isn't that something. Good. You don't need it anyway. This is stellar. I love this for you. I have that same kind of feeling, Serenity. Like there are so many things to take up again. Oh, good for us. We have done good, good work here. Thank you. You have no way of knowing what that means to me. Daughter would tell me, as sh began to recover herself, about this or that person who listened, who had cared about a homeless, mentally ill, addicted alcoholic. We have had one special lady here for dinner, twice. Thank you, Serenity. You will be wonderful in that capacity, and will make such a difference. It was this woman we could always contact if we hadn't heard from daughter when she was on the streets. She would know that daughter was alive when we did not, when we hadn't heard. Know what? I love it that you wrote and published novels. I love it. Of course your sister would call it porn. [I]What else was she going to say? [/I]They hate us, Serenity, and do not wish us well. You will pass, and you will be a wonderful resource for everyone whose life you touch. This is wonderful, to know this. I'm so glad you told us. You do. Plus, you've been through all the terrible family stuff and come through it. Plus, you've parented kids with problems, and helped and listened and consoled all of us here. The lady I was telling you about? The one that was especially helpful to our daughter? Had gone through similar things herself. She had been homeless, even. She pulled herself out of it, went to school, went to work, and began checking on the homeless on her own time. She knows everything, and they know they can trust her. A position was created for her. That is what she does, now. She is very sad, sometimes. She takes in dogs and cats that the homeless cannot keep. I think she has like, four dogs and only one cat. Wishing every good thing, Serenity. We will watch for your posts. Cedar Ha! I still can't believe we actually did it. Remember how scary it was at first, how vulnerable we felt? We did it though. :hugs: [/QUOTE]
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