Just talked to the PO

[PatriotsGirl]

She had emailed me telling me that she went to see difficult child yesterday and agrees that she can see that it is killing her being in there and that she knows she messed up. She is recommending rehab but found one program that was outpatient (I said don't even bother - that is a joke - it equates to one class a week - oh yeah, that will keep her clean...not).

The other program has a waiting list but it is a residential program. It is also a program that allows her to have her son with her but I explained I do not think that is in Connor's best interest and husband agrees. It would turn his world upside down all over again and she does not have a good track record of staying clean and finishing anything. The PO said she agreed a million percent and that having their children there with them was optional. She is going to need to focus on herself and do the work to earn her son back. I am not just handing him over to her - we are all on the same page about that.

Of course, it is all up to the judge. She said the judge could certainly revoke her probation and she would remain in jail for another three months. But that either way, difficult child is definitely not getting out on Friday and that was my concern. I want to write difficult child and make sure she absolutely understands that husband and I are Connor's legal guardians and that any decisions about him are to be made by us now. We take our oath very seriously. She has not proven that she can be the mother that he needs and deserves. She will need to prove herself before we will even think about giving back custody. Connor is thriving and we intend on keeping it that way.

Connor's medicaid was reinstated so he went to his check up today. At 15 months, he is one inch away from being 3 feet tall!!!!!!!! He is just growing and growing and SO smart... <3

 

[AnnieO]

I'm glad you guys have guardianship of Connor. He is such an adorable lil guy! And as tall as Rose - who is nearly 26 months now. WOW!

I really really hope difficult child gets it together... I am praying for that. But more, I am praying that everything works for Connor, and for you. *hugs*

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I hope she gets it together, too, but I can't live my life holding my breath waiting for that to happen. We have to move forward as if she will never get better. She does not have a good track record for finishing anything and meth is just the devil. So many people's lives destroyed over that junk...

 

[lovemyson1]

So glad to read Connor is thriving!! It certainly isn't fair for the children of the addict to suffer, so well done PatriotsGirl!! I would highly recommend the residential treatment program. It worked very well for my son, but he was ready for the change too. Hopefully your difficult child will want to change and then it will work. Never give up sweets!

 

[PatriotsGirl]

It is going to take a long while before I can trust that she will stay clean. She was clean for almost a year prior to relapsing...so we will see. I am very, very jaded these days...

 

[dstc_99]

Take your time and don't do anything without thinking it through. You can do this.

 

[Childofmine]

PG, I have read some of your posts to catch up with you. First, I'm just plain sorry about difficult child and your pain and her relapse.

I'm thankful that you have had purposeful action to take over the past few weeks with Connor. I know that is good for you and for him, and ultimately, it will be good for his mother to know that he is somewhere safe.

I don't understand the horrible evil monster that is addiction. It is a 40-foot-tall monster that destroys everything and everybody in its path.

I do know that it is NOT our difficult children. They and their addiction are not the same being. But until something happens to change it, the addiction is in control.

And as long as that is the case, we can't expect anything like normal, human, rational behavior from them. It won't happen.

Their addiction is king and queen and Ruler of the Universe. Nothing else and no one else matters.

It's hard for us to fathom that, but it is true. Their addiction is located in the same place in their brains where breathing is located. Finding that out helped me a lot. I sat with that fact, let it soak in, and it helped me feel my own anger about difficult child's actions and then, for some of the intense anger to sweep away, and for some compassion to begin.

It is a dreadful mental illness. And when they are in the grip of it, they will not and cannot be responsible for people, places and things.

I know you know all of this, but it is good for me and I hope, you, to write it down and see it again.

Warm hugs to you, PG. Stay the course. Your anger is your fuel right now, and that is not a bad thing at all.

 

[2much2recover]

Were you able to tell the PO that you were unwilling to have her back in the home and why? PS don't forget the birth control issue - drug moms are know for having more children because frankly, while high, they don't even think of birth control. Both the IUD and some kind of 3 year injections are available for long term BC use.

 

[Tanya M]

What a blessing that you have guardianship over Connor. I hope your difficult child will come to appreciate what you are doing for her child and that she will find the strength to get her life together.
Hugs to you!!

 

[wakeupcall]

How are you able to speak to the PO? My difficult children PO, now that difficult child is over 18, will not speak to us, period. It's very difficult with his learning disabilities, I'm not sure he understands everything they tell him. And trying to help him comply is almost impossible because we aren't sure we hear it all.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

How are you able to speak to the PO? My difficult children PO, now that difficult child is over 18, will not speak to us, period. It's very difficult with his learning disabilities, I'm not sure he understands everything they tell him. And trying to help him comply is almost impossible because we aren't sure we hear it all.

When my daughter was first arrested for a fight with the sperm donor, I called the courts and begged for help for her. I worked very closely with them throughout her whole pregnancy and after she got out. So I have always been on an email/phone basis with her probation officer. We get along very well actually...but she has a female probation officer, too. Maybe that makes a difference?

 

[InsaneCdn]

but she has a female probation officer, too. Maybe that makes a difference?

Yes. In male-dominated fields, dealing with a female makes a huge difference.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Well, she is in court right now. As angry as I am with her, I hope they do mandate her to treatment instead of just locking her up. If you could all say a little prayer for her, it would be much appreciated...

 

[recoveringenabler]

Prayers for your daughter PG, I hope for treatment too.

 

[dstc_99]

Sending prayers!

 

[2much2recover]

Stay STRONG!

 

[stressedmama]

Thinking of, and praying for you both

 

[Signorina]

Love and hugs for you and prayers for you all

 

[Gone]

My heart goes out to you and I understand some of what you are going through , different substance , but same as in addiction ( alcohol in my difficult child's case )

You are very fortunate to have guardianship of your GS

That path is proving to be a long one for me but am steadily doing my best for little man , will keep him safe always by doing everything in my power to do so

If my difficult child lies to SS I tell them the truth even if there is hell to pay from her

I have not told my difficult child where I live since I moved home 10 weeks ago and am going to keep it that way for my GS's sake in the future possibly

I have a room ready for him , it is perfect , have all his special needs toys and favourite DVD's ready and am paying £88 a month bedroom tax for an empty room , not even weekends with him as he is in full time foster care due to my difficult child's alcoholism and he is under a 'voluntary' placement at present so my difficult child is planning to remove him from care this month to have him home for Christmas which of course I myself would LOVE too but I do feel it is too soon as her 'recovery' which I am not even sure is genuine only began 5 weeks ago!!!

I suggested a blood test for starters!

I long to have him here with me but SS says he is settled where he is and the plan is 'from foster care to Mum' but they don't know the 'time scale' for that

I just told them I am ready to have him if needed

I visit him every Saturday for 2 hours , it is the HIGHLIGHT of my week , but am unsure how LONG he will be in care for as I doubt / don't know if they will just hand him over before Christmas if they have any concerns which they do of course , so they may possibly go to court for an emergency care order but I want her to work WITH THEM for the best interests of my GS as they ARE 'child protection' and that is their job , role and DUTY and I understand that but do not think my difficult child understands that her just SAYING ''I've stopped drinking now'' is NOT enough , especially this early on

I suggested moving in with her for a month but what happens when I go home???

Will see what they are saying but we have a new SW now who has not contacted us yet but we NEED to know what is going on as my difficult child is planning on taking him in 2 weeks time as she still has parental responsibility and the placement is not court ordered

I would prefer to keep it out of court and come to some 'arrangement' which works for everyone , but am not sure if that is likely to happen as I do agree my GS must NOT be exposed to ANY risk of neglect at ANY time whatsoever!!!!!

 

[Gone]

I pray they go for the treatment option for your difficult child xxx