LoveTempered
New Member
One week of official Emeritus status and the honeymoon is over. Son ran from yet another placement. This one was a chance for him to graduate high school and learn some adulting skills. He seemed so happy with the welcome he received and the plans for prom, graduation...etc. I just don't know how many times my heart is capable of breaking. I am beginning to think hope is like poison. At least this time, it was only two weeks of misplaced hope.
His drug of choice at this point is sex and the possibility of a relationship fixing all that is broken inside of him. After two days of being completely off the grid in a different city, he texted me saying he is safe and with the love of his life. They connected online somehow and maybe as recently as this past weekend. This online sex thing is really scary. He could be with traffickers for all we know.
We were encouraging and all starry-eyed when he agreed to go to the new program. We even went ahead and got him a phone because he was going to need it to apply for jobs. He had food, housing and life coaching all in place with HS graduation scheduled for May 26th. Now he has run off to be with a girl. He wanted to do a video call so we could meet her and it seems like he thinks we are going to be as happy with his choice as he is. All I could think of to say if we did such a call was to beg them to use birth control. I can't even imagine what he has told this girl or promises he's made regarding out willingness to support them. There is no such willingness.
I am unsure how to lay down a boundary in this latest chapter. We have been neutral in the initial communication today because we were so relieved that he was alive. He had seemed really excited about the new place and how nice everyone was. He is usually very negative and finding ways to be the victim or target of his peers. I don't know if he planned this or just impulsively ran off with the girl. After years on his rollercoaster, I was truly shocked that he went AWOL this time. It didn't fit his pattern.
The question is, how do we state clearly to him that we are not going to support this choice? Do we shut down the phone to punctuate that we are not all in? Should we instead have a video call with both of them and bust any myths he may have created?
It's always a devils bargain. He is confusing our relief that he is safe with enthusiasm for his choice. When we call out this latest twist as a mistake, we will lose contact with him. I am certain. Even his therapist predicted that his quest for "true" love would take priority over everyone and everything because he fantasizes that it will fix all the hurts. Ugh!
Looking for your input dear Emeritus gurus lovingly acknowledging that this seems like small stuff compared with what you've experienced. He is only just beginning this phase and it is hard to know how to be...except for powerless. We are so very grateful that you freely share your wisdom.
His drug of choice at this point is sex and the possibility of a relationship fixing all that is broken inside of him. After two days of being completely off the grid in a different city, he texted me saying he is safe and with the love of his life. They connected online somehow and maybe as recently as this past weekend. This online sex thing is really scary. He could be with traffickers for all we know.
We were encouraging and all starry-eyed when he agreed to go to the new program. We even went ahead and got him a phone because he was going to need it to apply for jobs. He had food, housing and life coaching all in place with HS graduation scheduled for May 26th. Now he has run off to be with a girl. He wanted to do a video call so we could meet her and it seems like he thinks we are going to be as happy with his choice as he is. All I could think of to say if we did such a call was to beg them to use birth control. I can't even imagine what he has told this girl or promises he's made regarding out willingness to support them. There is no such willingness.
I am unsure how to lay down a boundary in this latest chapter. We have been neutral in the initial communication today because we were so relieved that he was alive. He had seemed really excited about the new place and how nice everyone was. He is usually very negative and finding ways to be the victim or target of his peers. I don't know if he planned this or just impulsively ran off with the girl. After years on his rollercoaster, I was truly shocked that he went AWOL this time. It didn't fit his pattern.
The question is, how do we state clearly to him that we are not going to support this choice? Do we shut down the phone to punctuate that we are not all in? Should we instead have a video call with both of them and bust any myths he may have created?
It's always a devils bargain. He is confusing our relief that he is safe with enthusiasm for his choice. When we call out this latest twist as a mistake, we will lose contact with him. I am certain. Even his therapist predicted that his quest for "true" love would take priority over everyone and everything because he fantasizes that it will fix all the hurts. Ugh!
Looking for your input dear Emeritus gurus lovingly acknowledging that this seems like small stuff compared with what you've experienced. He is only just beginning this phase and it is hard to know how to be...except for powerless. We are so very grateful that you freely share your wisdom.