Handful
New Member
My oldest son overdosed earlier this month, three months after his 18th birthday. He moved out of his sober house (because he was going to get kicked out for using) two days before his death. He was still attending his therapy appointments but probably lying to therapists. He did not tell us any of this, and the sober house didn't have to, and not even his probation officer (who knew he left and talked to him about it the day he overdosed) got a new address. When my son stopped answering his phone, no one could track him down and I was very worried. We found his body with the medical examiner about a week later, but it took more than another week to officially confirm his identity. His "friends" had called 911 but it was too late and they did not even give the EMTs his name and then they stole his things.
Our oldest daughter knew that her brother had left his sober house and that he was going to a weekend-long party. She did not tell us this or even offer it after the fact, though she did help my husband track down some of his belongings through mutual acquaintances. We only know that she knew about her brother's activities because we have his phone now and can read their conversations. She has her own mental health struggles and it is clear from her texts with her brother that she is using some of the same dangerous substances. I was so frustrated when she sat at my Thanksgiving table and cried about how much she misses her brother. I do not doubt her grief, but I am livid at her behavior. I know I can't undo what is done, but I am having so much trouble with the aftermath. She is making this all about her, but does not want to have a real, honest discussion about her part.
To top that off, our oldest daughter has been crashing at her boyfriend's house against his family's wishes since she got into a physical altercation with her landlord (probable drug dealer) at the start of the month. She convinced her dad to go help move her stuff out of the room before her ex-landlord threw it all out, and then dumped everything in my driveway for me to go through yesterday. It is mountains of dirty bedsheets and pillows and crusty underwear and used tampon applicators even. The disorder and level of filth in her things is concerning, and I think there will be another housing crisis any day now, as soon as her boyfriend goes back to school when his break is over. She failed out after she started dating him last fall, and won't apply to any other program. I will not let her back into my house for safety reasons, but I do not want to be unkind. I am struggling with how to move forward with my relationship with her. Thanksgiving was hard and I worry Christmas will be harder. Sigh.
Our oldest daughter knew that her brother had left his sober house and that he was going to a weekend-long party. She did not tell us this or even offer it after the fact, though she did help my husband track down some of his belongings through mutual acquaintances. We only know that she knew about her brother's activities because we have his phone now and can read their conversations. She has her own mental health struggles and it is clear from her texts with her brother that she is using some of the same dangerous substances. I was so frustrated when she sat at my Thanksgiving table and cried about how much she misses her brother. I do not doubt her grief, but I am livid at her behavior. I know I can't undo what is done, but I am having so much trouble with the aftermath. She is making this all about her, but does not want to have a real, honest discussion about her part.
To top that off, our oldest daughter has been crashing at her boyfriend's house against his family's wishes since she got into a physical altercation with her landlord (probable drug dealer) at the start of the month. She convinced her dad to go help move her stuff out of the room before her ex-landlord threw it all out, and then dumped everything in my driveway for me to go through yesterday. It is mountains of dirty bedsheets and pillows and crusty underwear and used tampon applicators even. The disorder and level of filth in her things is concerning, and I think there will be another housing crisis any day now, as soon as her boyfriend goes back to school when his break is over. She failed out after she started dating him last fall, and won't apply to any other program. I will not let her back into my house for safety reasons, but I do not want to be unkind. I am struggling with how to move forward with my relationship with her. Thanksgiving was hard and I worry Christmas will be harder. Sigh.