Someone please help me understand addiction.

[JMom]

Lms1,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I can not begin to imagine your pain. To speak to your question in your post: I tried to understand the addiction as well. The closest I came to it was when my son described it as a little person inside him that begged to be fed. He said to imagine someone telling you that you could never eat food again. The thought seems foreign because food sustains you, keeps you from being sick and you immediately start telling yourself, maybe you could eat just once and the thoughts consume you until you eat. Your body feels starved. That was when he was on meth and heroine.

I can only imagine that the drug had such a hold on your son that it caused a tragic accident. I hear the sadness in your post, witnessing all the good in him, his capabilities. I am hopeful that you can hold on to the good memories of his sobriety and his worth. It sounds like he was a wonderful, brave young man. I know he has passed, but I would like to say thank you to him for his bravery-serving in our military. It takes a very special, brave and empathetic person to sacrifice himself for his country. He fought for all of our freedoms and I am especially proud of him and grateful. I am sorry that this terrible drug has taken him from you. I pray with you and your husband for peace and healing.

Hugs,
JMOM

 

[lovemyson1]

lovemyson. Regardless of how your son died, he was a hero. To me, everything that you have ever written about him, from the time he relapsed when the was in Victory Outreach, I felt how loving he was, his dignity and his goodness. I hope you accept tht there is no shame in the way he died.

I am thinking here of the parents who have lost children in the school massacres. How they speak out and reach out to other parents who come to suffer in the same or similar ways. These parents have in common that their children were robbed of their destinies, and with that, the parents too. Your son was no less a victim than these children. That he was a victim of something in himself does not change who he was.

At the same time, while our son was robbed of his destiny, by addiction, he played a role. I am going to say something hard here, lovemyson. I wonder if you on some level feel anger at him. Your son by taking the drug robbed you of the future that could have been. ou were robbed of your destiny, lovemyson. Of his marriage, of grandchildren. So many, many things. It is not only heartbreaking. It is wrong. It should not have happened.

Often the thing that makes grief and mourning so hard is the little bit of anger that we bury deeply.. We're not supposed to be angry at the dead. Especially if that person we love more than we love life itself. And sometimes mourning becomes so intractible for this very reason. I don't write this that you hurt more. I write this so that your suffering lessens.

Deep inside of us, we hope that if we sacrifice ourselves we can somehow reverse what is. We would give our lives that they would be spared. By this, too, we can punish ourselves for our anger.

I wonder if there's anything more to understand lovemyson, about addiction, except that it robbed your son and you and his Dad of the destiny that should have been. And that is wrong and unfair and should not have happened. But it did. Your son took that drug because he was an addict. And at the end this horror overtook all of the other things he was and could have had and could have been. It should never have happened.

Thank you Copa. I know you have been on this journey with me for a very long time. I am an optimist and it’s so hard for me to feel this darkness that has overcome my life. I guess I just never knew what a strong hold heroin would have over my son. I still don’t understand why he ever took it in the first place. But what you say is right and I appreciate your kind words. I am angry that’s true. I get mad because I think of everyone who loved our son and he knew how much he was loved and yet he still made the choice to use again. This makes me mad & at the same time extremely sad that he’s gone and no longer with us. I do so badly want him to be back I want to see him get married and have children and I’ll never have that and that breaks my heart.

 

[lovemyson1]

Lms1,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I can not begin to imagine your pain. To speak to your question in your post: I tried to understand the addiction as well. The closest I came to it was when my son described it as a little person inside him that begged to be fed. He said to imagine someone telling you that you could never eat food again. The thought seems foreign because food sustains you, keeps you from being sick and you immediately start telling yourself, maybe you could eat just once and the thoughts consume you until you eat. Your body feels starved. That was when he was on meth and heroine.

I can only imagine that the drug had such a hold on your son that it caused a tragic accident. I hear the sadness in your post, witnessing all the good in him, his capabilities. I am hopeful that you can hold on to the good memories of his sobriety and his worth. It sounds like he was a wonderful, brave young man. I know he has passed, but I would like to say thank you to him for his bravery-serving in our military. It takes a very special, brave and empathetic person to sacrifice himself for his country. He fought for all of our freedoms and I am especially proud of him and grateful. I am sorry that this terrible drug has taken him from you. I pray with you and your husband for peace and healing.

Hugs,
JMOM

Thank you so much for your kind words. Your description of addiction that your son gave you is quite clear to me. My daughter once explained that’s what she thought it was like as well. When we diet and we say we’re going to eat clean and then we just have to have that cookie or 10. She said that’s what she thinks addiction must be like. I am proud of my son he was so amazing, He was so outgoing, and yes he was very brave. I do celebrate his life and I know I will see him again when I enter heaven and I look forward to that moment. I’m so grateful that he found the Lord during his struggles and that he will be in heaven when I get there that means more to me than anything in this life. This life here on earth is temporary but our Life in heaven is eternal.

 

[lovemysons]

How rude zaphou! This poor grieving mom lost the son who she was incredibly proud of for all of his accomplishments! Where is your compassion? She knew her son and she is left with some very painful questions about addiction. You obviously no nothing about addiction! Why did you even bother to post!

 

[lovemysons]

You don’t know what this beloved child’s circumstance were! It could be in his genetics! My sons and daughter come from a long line of addiction in the family tree on both sides. Many children experiment during their teen years. Some get hooked for life. This is what happened to one of my sons who died last year. Who are YOU to judge!!! There but for the grace of God go I. You obviously know nothing about addiction or a mothers deep sorrowful pain after losing a beloved child to this disease.
Why not keep your mouth shut until you are educated on a subject!

 

[lovemysons]

I love all 3 of my babies. They were and are a God given gift. I was the best mother I could be to my 3 children given the fact that I was raised with no brothers and sisters and no dad just a single struggling mom. I always ALWAYS wanted a loving family. I would never trade any painful day not then and not now for the love I have shared with my children. You never know what you are going to get when you have a child. We all have temperaments tendencies leanings and genetic material that gets thrown into the mix. My son was is a believer though just like lovemyson1. So I know I will see him again. This is not the end of the story only the beginning if you believe.

 

[lovemysons]

By the way I also have bipolar disorder and so did my son who passed away. I did not find out I had bipolar disorder till I was 40 years old after a psychotic break. We still live and love no matter the circumstances.
You are not the judge.

 

[zaphou]

I love all 3 of my babies. They were and are a God given gift. I was the best mother I could be to my 3 children given the fact that I was raised with no brothers and sisters and no dad just a single struggling mom. I always ALWAYS wanted a loving family. I would never trade any painful day not then and not now for the love I have shared with my children. You never know what you are going to get when you have a child. We all have temperaments tendencies leanings and genetic material that gets thrown into the mix. My son was is a believer though just like lovemyson1. So I know I will see him again. This is not the end of the story only the beginning if you believe.

Listen, I know you are a great mother. But also due cruelty and unfairness of the time that we are living in, I cannot take that gamble. It's a high risk. I am experiencing the life. I know how hard it is. I'm not going to make the same mistake my mother did when procreating. It is most righteous and better for me to live alone and die alone knowing at least I'm not going to leave anyone behind when I'm gone. What's hurts me the most and children has every right to blame and get angry at their parents, when I bring a child into the world and he or she going to suffer all the cruelty and pain and misery.

 

[lovemysons]

I am sorry you live in fear

 

[zaphou]

I am sorry you live in fear

It's a price of living in this world unfortunately.

 

[Copabanana]

What's hurts me the most and children has every right to blame and get angry at their parents

Please have the courage and responsibility to heal yourself. You are an adult. It is time. You have free will. If you don't want to do the work of change, then, at least direct your vitriol to your own parents instead of anonymously posting on a site where you know nobody and where nobody can defend against you. You know none of our stories. You know none of us. You only know your own bitter heart. How dare you deliberately try to hurt anyone here? I have advised the site administrator that you are lurking here. This mother is an innocent who only seeks to grieve and be consoled. This is no place for you. Please leave.

 

[Copabanana]

Child in his own thought , why am I here on this earth? Why my parents forced me here

I believe that we live our lives in order to repair the world. I believe that each person has a unique purpose. I do not believe that we are born to suffer. But of course, we all do. Some of us, way more than others. All I know is that parents are supposed to love and care for their children. I know, of course, that this is not always the case. I do believe that we can overcome the lack of love and care from our parents, come to care for ourselves and find others who care for us.

My son has blamed me for adopting him. Not that he does not love me, but he did not love himself. But I do believe he felt loved by me. I did not receive much love or care from my own parents. Yes. I did adopt my son, in part to love him and to receive love.

I believe that suffering can motivate us to struggle, and through our individual struggles, we can achieve great things for others and for ourselves, creating great meaning and purpose in our lives and for others.

I believe your life has a purpose in this same way. You feel bitterness and sadness now but it will not always be so. I know that over the years I have been on this forum, my son feels better about himself, and no longer feels despair. I don't either.

This forum serves a great purpose which is to help us learn to be better parents to our children and better people. I am sorry I spoke harshly to you. There is great pain here and this makes me sad that there would be more, unecessarily.

Why don't you start your own thread?