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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Fairy dust" data-source="post: 764274" data-attributes="member: 25457"><p>Hugs to  all of us who have tried, and tried and tried To no avail. The real change and  want to  change has to come from the person themself. The day I finally realized after many years that I had no control was the most liberating. I apologized  to myself for allowing this abuse and madness to have impacted me the way it did. Through counselling (a lot of) I finally rid myself of the fog, and focused on my self care.  interestingly as I improved so did he to the extent that he wanted to. Yes there are still ups and downs but I have boundaries in place and will not tolerate that type of abuse ever again.  Our relationship will never be what I had envisioned, but I can finally accept that. I can see clearly now that my wants may not be his. And that’s okay!</p></blockquote><p></p>