BusynMember
Well-Known Member
In a few months my dear Father's estate will be settled. Done. There was no drama, and none was expected. My brother executor is drama free and honest. Probate court will be done.
Just a personal statement more to myself than anyone else. This is like FB to me. I would rather put my thoughts down anonymously. It is safer.
With this last interaction, I am finally, finally 100 percent free of the family of origin that loathed me. It's funny. I am old, yet being belittled and abused as a child and family throughout life still hurts at times. Weird! It doesn't cripple me, and I forgive those because they truly don't know what they did...they thought I deserved it and were wrong (no kid or family member deserves being singled out in a bad way) but there was abuse way up the family tree, I think both my parents were abusive because THEY were belittled. So I forgive. And Dad loved me. It was undiagnosed borderline like mother who did not.
And now it will all be over. I don't have to worry about my Dad's reaction or health with what I do or say. I am free, free, free!!! Free of a family that needed a scapegoat and chose me. Free to never see my DNA again, except for Bart and grandson and they had nothing to do with the rest of my DNA. Free of a certain person ever wrongfully calling the cops on me again just because that was what disturbed person did, rather than just letting go like most people do. Free to live my life without knowing anything about my DNA peeps.
With Dad gone I have spoken more freely about this pain as he can no longer be hurt. Hopefully once this is all over, the memories of all the abuse will not surface again. I plan on continuing 100 percent no contact....no social media checks or checks anywhere my DNA may post. I have been very good at staying away this time. Whether they follow me, I can't control it nor do I care. Nothing I say here will ever be confronted. If they know I am here and care to read what I write, that is their choice. I will not recipricate. The only way to truly get over a relationship is to stop talking, stop meeting, stop looking at their postings and to let the people fade from your memory. I had to do this one person at a time with people from a family where I did not belong. I am a pro. I can let go, have done it many times, usually not my choice but I did it each time anyway. This time it is my choice.
I don't want them here in tragedy, in sadness or if I am dying (they will not be informed,). My family is only my husband, kids, and in laws.
I feel such a weight off my shoulders. I always felt so lesser than from FOO, even my kind brother...he wrote me a letter which stated in the first few sentences that this was a letter about what bothered him about me. I rarely saw him. I didn't want to know and gave it to my husband. He scanned the letter very quickly (did not read it but saw telltale phrases) then tore it into a billion pieces and stuck it in his work bag and took it to work with him. "I never want you to read it. I will throw it in my work dumpster, not here. Your family is nuts." My husband is a prince. He is/was my rock. He is always on my side. He is my soulmate.
I already talked about the abuse from my very ill sister. Yes, she hides it well. I am sure nobody knows she called the cops on me every time she "broke up" with me. Every time. And she broke up a lot. I know her life is a mess. I know she told me that is unable to leave her abusive boyfriend. I know she will or already has hurt the man who is nice and does love her. And she tries to call me a mess...haha. i am sad about how her life turned out and how she turned out. She is nearing 60 and divorced her hub whom she says she never loved to find true love. She is old now. She will in my opinion not get that wish due to her own behavior with a much younger abusive man. I feel bad but it is her doing.
Thank God I was nicer to myself than she is to herself. But I can't fix her.
Yet I love both my brother and sister. They are gone though. My sister would have to admit with contrition how wrong she was to call the cops so many times when I hadn't broken the law. I would have to be sure she wouldn't do it again.
And she never admits wrongdoing in her crazy I love you/I hate you relationship with me. So no sweat. She was always right...at least in her mind and I am sure she got much sympathy from those she told about me because I am also sure she never told anyone the whole story, not even my brother. She told nobody how she sent the cops to my house, even after we moved out of state, to teach me a lesson. Time after time after time. 20 times. 30 times. Yet I broke NO laws. Her friends would have thought she was crazy if they knew.
This is all a sad relief. I have to grieve this total end. I always knew my sister would come back before. She could not stay away from me once she left. She probably still cant. I suspect she reads my posts here. But I hope she has stopped for her sake more than mine.
I have grieved before. I can do this. There is no chance there will ever be a reconciliation. Never. Ever. She contacts me I try legal action.
Sorry for this off topic rant. No responses needed. This was just me letting my feelings out.
Bottom line: All in all, my life is really good. And I need to keep it that way. I apologize for this....I am off my soap box now.
Just a personal statement more to myself than anyone else. This is like FB to me. I would rather put my thoughts down anonymously. It is safer.
With this last interaction, I am finally, finally 100 percent free of the family of origin that loathed me. It's funny. I am old, yet being belittled and abused as a child and family throughout life still hurts at times. Weird! It doesn't cripple me, and I forgive those because they truly don't know what they did...they thought I deserved it and were wrong (no kid or family member deserves being singled out in a bad way) but there was abuse way up the family tree, I think both my parents were abusive because THEY were belittled. So I forgive. And Dad loved me. It was undiagnosed borderline like mother who did not.
And now it will all be over. I don't have to worry about my Dad's reaction or health with what I do or say. I am free, free, free!!! Free of a family that needed a scapegoat and chose me. Free to never see my DNA again, except for Bart and grandson and they had nothing to do with the rest of my DNA. Free of a certain person ever wrongfully calling the cops on me again just because that was what disturbed person did, rather than just letting go like most people do. Free to live my life without knowing anything about my DNA peeps.
With Dad gone I have spoken more freely about this pain as he can no longer be hurt. Hopefully once this is all over, the memories of all the abuse will not surface again. I plan on continuing 100 percent no contact....no social media checks or checks anywhere my DNA may post. I have been very good at staying away this time. Whether they follow me, I can't control it nor do I care. Nothing I say here will ever be confronted. If they know I am here and care to read what I write, that is their choice. I will not recipricate. The only way to truly get over a relationship is to stop talking, stop meeting, stop looking at their postings and to let the people fade from your memory. I had to do this one person at a time with people from a family where I did not belong. I am a pro. I can let go, have done it many times, usually not my choice but I did it each time anyway. This time it is my choice.
I don't want them here in tragedy, in sadness or if I am dying (they will not be informed,). My family is only my husband, kids, and in laws.
I feel such a weight off my shoulders. I always felt so lesser than from FOO, even my kind brother...he wrote me a letter which stated in the first few sentences that this was a letter about what bothered him about me. I rarely saw him. I didn't want to know and gave it to my husband. He scanned the letter very quickly (did not read it but saw telltale phrases) then tore it into a billion pieces and stuck it in his work bag and took it to work with him. "I never want you to read it. I will throw it in my work dumpster, not here. Your family is nuts." My husband is a prince. He is/was my rock. He is always on my side. He is my soulmate.
I already talked about the abuse from my very ill sister. Yes, she hides it well. I am sure nobody knows she called the cops on me every time she "broke up" with me. Every time. And she broke up a lot. I know her life is a mess. I know she told me that is unable to leave her abusive boyfriend. I know she will or already has hurt the man who is nice and does love her. And she tries to call me a mess...haha. i am sad about how her life turned out and how she turned out. She is nearing 60 and divorced her hub whom she says she never loved to find true love. She is old now. She will in my opinion not get that wish due to her own behavior with a much younger abusive man. I feel bad but it is her doing.
Thank God I was nicer to myself than she is to herself. But I can't fix her.
Yet I love both my brother and sister. They are gone though. My sister would have to admit with contrition how wrong she was to call the cops so many times when I hadn't broken the law. I would have to be sure she wouldn't do it again.
And she never admits wrongdoing in her crazy I love you/I hate you relationship with me. So no sweat. She was always right...at least in her mind and I am sure she got much sympathy from those she told about me because I am also sure she never told anyone the whole story, not even my brother. She told nobody how she sent the cops to my house, even after we moved out of state, to teach me a lesson. Time after time after time. 20 times. 30 times. Yet I broke NO laws. Her friends would have thought she was crazy if they knew.
This is all a sad relief. I have to grieve this total end. I always knew my sister would come back before. She could not stay away from me once she left. She probably still cant. I suspect she reads my posts here. But I hope she has stopped for her sake more than mine.
I have grieved before. I can do this. There is no chance there will ever be a reconciliation. Never. Ever. She contacts me I try legal action.
Sorry for this off topic rant. No responses needed. This was just me letting my feelings out.
Bottom line: All in all, my life is really good. And I need to keep it that way. I apologize for this....I am off my soap box now.
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