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Message: <blockquote data-quote="ksm" data-source="post: 765397" data-attributes="member: 12511">Smithmom & lovemysons... thank you for thinking and asking about us! Sorry I haven't responded quickly, but I routinely get locked out...I can read posts, but I can't always respond.We do not want a legal fight or get DCF involved in a custody case.  We did that 20 years ago with our granddaughters and we were lucky to keep custody, but they lost all benefits that other children who've adopted from foster care receive.  Our state has privatized foster care and it is not good.  We have asked granddaughter to do a temporary custody order which is reverseable.  It is only for 6 months at a time and a judge has to approve it to start or stop the temp custody. It would not effect the fathers rights. But, he couldn't step in and take full custody of GGson if she was in jail or mentally ill. Right now he can take his son and not return him as they have no legal custody agreement.Our granddaughter does not seem willing to do this voluntarily.  And we do not want a big legal battle with her that we could lose, or that it would prompt his dad to just keep him.  Which is what his parents urges him to do last year when our granddaughter was in jail for a few days for meth charges.It's been almost a year since her charges, and next month she has court again, and it looks like the details are being worked out for diversion program. I don't know if she will be sent to rehab or just have a probation officer she has to check in and get drug tested randomly, it's still a lot of wait and see what is in the final paperwork. my husband is now 80 and I will soon be 69. I'm not sure how receptive DCF or the court system would be towards us..  I worry because it will be harder to keep up with him as he is a very active 4-year-old. This is the last week of Head Start and then we have 3 months of full-time care except for every other weekend when he's with his dad. We have just not come up with a good solution. His mom thinks that once she has the guidelines for the court she will do what is necessary to stay out of jail. But doesn't mean she will do what is necessary for Alex. The one thing I have been doing since January 1st is keeping a diary on an app on my phone. Every night I give an update about Alex and his mom, whether she came home that day or not, whether he threw a fit because he's upset because she doesn't come home, and what fun things we do with him. It lets me add three photos to each day's post if I want. If she sends a text saying she's going to be home before his bedtime (and doesnt), or sends messages that I think are important to keep, i screenshot it and then put it on that day as proof of what is happening. This way if anyone questions where Alex is and who's actually caring for him I will have an accurate record. Like when we take him to the doctor or when he has appointments that she doesn't show up for. When there's teachers conferences, or the organization parents as teachers come over to spend time with her and Alex but it's usually just me and Alex. I wish I had done that a lot sooner. In the last week I think she spent one night here and then she came over twice and took him to a park. She doesn't get him dressed for school, take him to school, pick him up from school, fixes his meals, gives him a bath, get him ready for bed, wash his clothes, clean up his room, or buys his groceries with her food stamps. Kind of li,like, a big sister that shows him off to her friends, then gives him back.even though he is a handful...he is a heartful!  I can't imagine him not being a big part of our lives.  He is the most beautiful child...funny, silly, smart, but he also loses his temper, gets frustrated and can lash out.  Head Start has a therapist that comes tovthe school and has had visits. I plan to try and make appointments spring the summer...Ksm</blockquote>

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