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Why does Dad allow son’s abuse?
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<blockquote data-quote="KTMom91" data-source="post: 764088" data-attributes="member: 4040"><p>I debated on whether to weigh in on this one. Although I wasn't the parent of someone who behaved in a similar fashion, I was married to him. Miss KT's father was able to present himself as a functioning adult, and managed to conceal his lies and strange behaviors for years. K didn't work regularly/consistently, and between his version of reality and his mother's alternating version, I never knew what the truth was.</p><p></p><p>As to why your husband is allowing his son's behaviors to continue - I'm going to guess that most of it is driven by guilt. Based on K's mother's willingness to support him fully, letting him and his very strange girlfriend live rent free in a house she owned, for at least 15 years after I divorced him, she wanted to make everything all better for her little boy, even destroying the good relationship she and I had maintained so Miss KT would be able to see her grandparents. </p><p></p><p>K's mother enabled him literally until the day he died, in December 2020. She said he had colon cancer. We really don't know. K's mother was the reporting party for the death certificate, and there was no autopsy, so ... My daughter heard from her father on her birthday in August, and after that he refused her calls, ignored her messages, and basically ghosted her. </p><p></p><p>Now...you're the stepmother. There's not a damn thing you can do about the situation except to PROTECT YOURSELF as best you can. Start putting money in a separate account that your husband can't access. If you are concerned for your personal safety, call 911. Put important papers, blank checks, credit cards, jewelry, any medication that can be stolen/resold on the street, and anything else you don't want stolen, given away, or sold in a small safe or safety deposit box. Identity theft is a very real possibility. Pull your credit report. Lock your Social Security number down so new accounts can't be opened in your name. Check the beneficiaries on your life insurance and retirement accounts, and change them if necessary. If Stepson becomes desperate, you might be in physical danger.</p><p></p><p>I'm really, really sorry you're going through all of this. I know how helpless I felt when K's behaviors escalated. Please stay safe. And keep posting. Many hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="KTMom91, post: 764088, member: 4040"] I debated on whether to weigh in on this one. Although I wasn't the parent of someone who behaved in a similar fashion, I was married to him. Miss KT's father was able to present himself as a functioning adult, and managed to conceal his lies and strange behaviors for years. K didn't work regularly/consistently, and between his version of reality and his mother's alternating version, I never knew what the truth was. As to why your husband is allowing his son's behaviors to continue - I'm going to guess that most of it is driven by guilt. Based on K's mother's willingness to support him fully, letting him and his very strange girlfriend live rent free in a house she owned, for at least 15 years after I divorced him, she wanted to make everything all better for her little boy, even destroying the good relationship she and I had maintained so Miss KT would be able to see her grandparents. K's mother enabled him literally until the day he died, in December 2020. She said he had colon cancer. We really don't know. K's mother was the reporting party for the death certificate, and there was no autopsy, so ... My daughter heard from her father on her birthday in August, and after that he refused her calls, ignored her messages, and basically ghosted her. Now...you're the stepmother. There's not a damn thing you can do about the situation except to PROTECT YOURSELF as best you can. Start putting money in a separate account that your husband can't access. If you are concerned for your personal safety, call 911. Put important papers, blank checks, credit cards, jewelry, any medication that can be stolen/resold on the street, and anything else you don't want stolen, given away, or sold in a small safe or safety deposit box. Identity theft is a very real possibility. Pull your credit report. Lock your Social Security number down so new accounts can't be opened in your name. Check the beneficiaries on your life insurance and retirement accounts, and change them if necessary. If Stepson becomes desperate, you might be in physical danger. I'm really, really sorry you're going through all of this. I know how helpless I felt when K's behaviors escalated. Please stay safe. And keep posting. Many hugs. [/QUOTE]
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