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  1. SuZir

    Sexualized behaviour towards adults from teen girl

    Couple years ago our respite child 'Girlie', now 14, started to behave in ways that ended up her becoming our foster child. She is an oldest of bigger sibling group. Father is out of the picture, disapeared right after getting permanent residency, when Girlie was four years old and his three...
  2. SuZir

    I hope I won't jinx it...

    But Ache is actually doing really great. I haven't written in some time and things have changed with both my sons. Ache decided to call his sport career quits, or is officially having a gap year to get an insurance company to deem his retirement medical. But he has moved on and has started his...
  3. SuZir

    Long time, no see

    I think it has been almost a year I last wrote here. I have checked every now and then, but never felt I had time to write. So some catching up. Life has been hectic for me. First we had our respite kids as fosters most of the last summer. Luckily their mom was able to get rid off of the...
  4. SuZir

    From 'emeritus' back to active parenting? Or not?

    Or hopefully decision we do not need to make. But right now it is a possibility. It is about our respite kids. We have had them few days a month some years now. 11-year-old neurotypical girl with her own challenges and 8-year-old high functioning aspie boy. They and their siblings were taken...
  5. SuZir

    Lights at the edge of darkness are far apart but there

    That's a line from cheesy pop song currently playing at the radio every morning on my way to work and that is also the place where Ache is. The effect of rTMS started to fade quite quickly after treatment was stopped, but it luckily seems that starting it again has had positive effects...
  6. SuZir

    Feeling like most disloyal mom ever

    Ache's sick leave continues and he is at home and his girlfriend visited last weekend. They have been together couple years now and it has always been long distance relationship and still is. She is a great young woman and I absolutely love her. She is also very good to Ache and I can't imagine...
  7. SuZir

    "Mr. Robot" - TV recommendation

    Ache watched this last summer when it got out in the States (in some illegal way, I guess) and heavily recommended the series. I have been watching it now when it is on our network television and wanted to forward that rec. to you. Protagonist is both mentally ill and drug user and seems to...
  8. SuZir

    Ache update

    Though not much to update. He is home, will finish rTMS this week. Will be on sick leave at least till the end of the month, will then talk with his psychiatrist and team doctor about what next. Everything is very much up in the air at the moment. Really good news is that TMS has been really successful...
  9. SuZir

    Being last one left

    10 days till Christmas. In our tradition, drift over from our pagan Yule traditions, family, family tree and remembering the deceased. We may not set feast for the dead while getting out of the house (we just leave some tokens) and while we may leave sauna ready after we are done and even...
  10. SuZir

    Experiences of rTMS for depression?

    Ache and his doctor decided against ECT for treatment at this point and instead rTMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) was started. Schedule for treatment is once a day, five days a week for four to six weeks. Idea is to stimulate a certain part of the brain that doesn't work well with people...
  11. SuZir

    Ache has been hospitalised again

    Ache has had harder time with his state of mind whole autumn and he was hospitalised little over a week ago due suicidal ideation. He was quickly transferred to psychiatric ward close to us from the town he lives (which is several hours away) so we have been able to visit him daily. This is of course...
  12. SuZir

    What the heck is this?!?

    Ache has been home few days, will stay few more. When he came he seemed to be okayish. Bit slow, bit tired, just a little bit off in the way I can't really put a finger on. And it seemed that acting focused and sharp took some extra effort. But if I weren't looking, I would probably not noticed...
  13. SuZir

    Ache decided he will talk to us again

    How very utilitarian of him considering he has few days in row free next week and he plans to crash home during that time. We happen to live near enough where his girlfriend currently lives and apparently girlfriend's roommate would not like the idea of a guy living with them for a week. Well...
  14. SuZir

    Feeling so resentful

    There are days when everything just feels so vain. Of course our kids do not owe us anything. They didn't ask to be born, in fact other of mine has many times stated he wishes he wouldn't had. But still somehow, on emotional level, one expects some rewards from all the sleepless nights, all...
  15. SuZir

    Do you ever feel like we are be cheated re drugs?

    Not trying to be controversial, nor am I in any way denying substance abuse has destroyed many lives, but I'm becoming rather jaded with drug policies and what we are told about drugs. Where I live drug use is less common than in most western world and it was even less common when I was young...
  16. SuZir

    It just sucks to be mentally ill

    Not that it is that fun to be a loved one of a person with mental illness, but of course it is so much worse for person themself. Ache is still not well, nor talking to us, but we do know more about things that have happened lately. Some parts I'm not comfortable discussing publicly but some...
  17. SuZir

    He is not well.

    I try to bring up irritation or any easier feeling to deal with, but I can't lie to myself that much. Sad truth is, that Ache is not well and is likely hanging there with skin of his teeth. And it is simply sad. He went back couple weeks ago after coming here beginning of his summer vacation...
  18. SuZir

    Did I give birth to an unicorn? Or three easy steps to become a guru

    I'm not sure if I should laugh, cry, be furious or find a hole in the ground and hide in shame. Short version, one I have given to couple of my best friends, goes like this: "My dad." Now, because you have not heard that much about him before, I will give you a long version. I was checking a...
  19. SuZir

    Ugly, chauvinistic attitudes in young boy

    Our respite kids spent whole last week with us and that was long enough time that Boyo's chauvinist attitudes and speech started to harrow. He is 7 years old little boy with aspergers. His dad is not part of his life and he lives with single mother with big sibling group where he is a middle...
  20. SuZir

    Getting closer to crossroad

    My midlife crisis has gotten me closer to more tangible choices again. Unfortunately our beloved older dog met an adder a week ago. In his youth he won many battles against them but maybe he had gotten bit slower with age and before we rushed to intervene he got bitten. And despite vet hospital...
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