12 year old.......sigh..

[earthprowler]

hi there, haven't been here in a while but need to be around people that understand.

difficult child has severe problems, to the point i've tried to distinguish whether with all of the comorbities he has going on if there wasn't some underlying problem that someone missed along the way, even a high functioning autistic. He has been out for several days this year already because he can't handle regular classes, gets up and just walks out and goes to the ED room. Anything new that comes along in a class, anything that catches him off guard will cause him to run or act out. i know, emotional disability. They've talked about having him go half days to the main classes he needs and then sending him to Park Center Behavioral for the rest of the day.....not sure if insurance will cover that, and husband says NO. His teacher has been teaching ED for 13 years, she says he is top dog for his actions and ranks top 10 in 13 years. The problem with him is (i've said this since he was three) he's not afraid of anything but he's afraid of everything. No back up, but a mouth like a seasoned sailor. He's usually not aggressive, although there is one boy he will go after rather violently. Now his newest problem is protecting himself. he had a friend let him borrow a soft pellot bb gun (which i was unaware that's what it was), he used a marker to color it black upon which i did tell him "DO NOT point that at ANYONE because it looks too real. it had an orange tip on it which i found out that it is so a cop can tell it's a toy........but after it was out of the house he said the tip "broke" off. yeah. so what does he do? he takes it "for his protection" to a FREAKING ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PLAYGROUND!!!!!!!!! really are you serious? a mother whose child goes to kindergarten called his school, because now her kid is afraid to go to school, the principal had to go out and tell him to leave because of his sailor mouth (according to his teacher his favorite phrase lately is singing at the top of his lungs "oh my balls are bleeding"......?????? it's always something inappropriate. so now here we wait. when he goes back to school he will be on a level 5 which means if he farts wrong he's going to be expelled. this is just a tid bit of what happens daily. sayijng, doing......whatever it is i'm so freaking tired.

 

[TeDo]

Is his behavior being addressed through the IEP and/or the BIP that should also be a part of it? Some of this sounds like things my difficult child 1 would do. He has broken the orange tip of a small pellet gun off (I took it away and DISPOSED of it). He repeats many phrases he's heard without regard to appropriateness or setting. He makes up words and phrases and repeats them over and over and over because he can't get any of it out of his head. With some schools, it doesn't matter WHAT he's saying, it is "distracting the other students". He got suspended once for repeatedly singing the "Klondike Bar" commercial jingle and not stopping when the SpEd teacher told him to.

How many days has he been "not in school" at their request? Whether they call it suspension or not, how many days? Partial days count as whole days if he has an IEP.

If the language issue isn't addressed by the IEP or BIP, you need to call an IEP meeting to put it in there and come up with a plan to deal with it. Does his IEP and/or BIP allow him to get up and go to the ED classroom when he needs to? If it's not, it probably should. There is a reason he's doing it and as long as they know where he's going, they can work with that.

Sorry you are going through this. He almost does sound on the spectrum with the "socially acceptable" issues and the lack of forethought. Have you ever had him evaluated by an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) specialist? You REALLY might consider it. It could change the dynamics at school.

 

[buddy]

Just so sorry. I can completely relate too. Q says things like lick my pe*** which he has repeated since he was 4 and has nothing to do with sex but rather that he would imitate everything our pets did. He is 15 and since it was an attention getter it has continued to this day. His big thing lately is saying everything in a loud tone. Of course schools don't like it. Luckily he has never done the gun thing but he has never been allowed to own even a water gun because he would use it inappropriately. He did let some kids who had one shoot him leaving bruises because he wanted to be friends so badly. That was the last time I let him hang out without direct supervision at our old house. He only had just started trying to be alone right by our house and it ended fast.
It does sound like a new evaluation is needed. Not fully understanding those kinds of social rules could be a spectrum issue as well as the delayed echolalia or perseverative speech. Worth checking out because if that is it ed behavior methods can not only be ineffective but make things worse. If there is an autism center around you it might be a great choice because they understand the wider spectrum better and can tell you if what he does overall fits. A neuropsychologist is another way to go but I mentioned the other because it sounds like he has had a lot of evaluations and just thinking that if its been a specific question for you......might be another strategy.

A complete neuropsychology exam is wonderful though and could help sort thru things too.
Id for sure get an advocate and make them adjust the IEP toward identifying the target behaviors and teaching the skills needed to do better. Punishing the behavior clearly hasn't helped improve things so time to get off the hamster wheel and do better! Go get 'em, mom!

 

[earthprowler]

well it's been a long weekend. thank you for your replies. no we don't have a bip in place which is odd, i usually ask for one with the iep. along with an fba? so many synonyms. i'm going to call his psychologist's office this morning for a referral, i think another neurological exam is due for an update since the last one was when he was 8. over the weekend i took him to work with me, i have that luxery working at Walmart i guess. One of the girls from the fitting room area took him to keep an eye on him for me (i ihave wonderful friends). she told me later of a conversation asking him why he thought he needed a gun to protect himself, that it was a bad, bad thing and he could get in so much trouble. she said he thought for a minute and then replied "well maybe i should just get a knife" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! later that afternoon, in a conversation with a guy i work with he was asking Jesse the same things about the gun and what not and Jesse gave him the same answer!!!! what the heck???? Jesse has always been all mouth as i said before, he says innapropriate things to friends, calls names, what ever. now yesterday i have a "friend" of his that has finally had enough of his ****e come to the house saying he has knives hidden all over the house, even had one under the bottom layer of the neighbors house.....they looked but he moved it. now i've never been anything but nice to this kid even though he and jesse have had problems in the past (a year ago they got into an argument and well jesse decided to pee on his bookbag and the cops were called), but now this child who is 14 and hates my son so much has decided to call the police on ME. i am so overwhelmed with stress i don't know what to do. exhaustion is my second name lately. stress? look it up, you'll see a picture of me. oh, the knife? he did bring one down from his room he had hidden......it was one of my larger carving knives.......8 inches long and serated.

 

[TeDo]

Boy, do I hear you. difficult child 1 went through a period like that. He had knives hidden all over the house to "protect himself". That hasn't been an issue since he ended up in the psychiatric hospital for pulling a knife to keep me away from him (with a VERY crazed look in his eyes). He had been getting gradually more aggressive, impulsive, defiant, argumentative, etc before this since he'd started Prozac 6 months earlier. The whole was caused by Prozac went away within a week of stopping it. Now, weapons are his new "area of special interest" (verging on obsession) but he no longer feels the need to protect himself. You might want to ask him why he feels that need. It may be a new fear of his or it could be there is something going on. I would definitely put some energy into investigating the WHY of the need.