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15 year old daughter think she is having sex

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by paula caldwell, Feb 9, 2019.

  1. paula caldwell

    paula caldwell New Member

    Hi
    Need some advice was in my daughters room last night just collecting the usual dishes and rubbish and to my dismay come across a leaflet which was for the morning after pill. I could not believe it and feel very disapointed

    She has been with her boyfreind for about 5 months and he is a nice lad also 15, and both are in my house most nights while we are in, I need advise on how to approach her, i don't want to dive straight in but need to find out so i can be there to surport her, I have not mentioned this to her dad yet i want to see what she tells me first. i know i can not stop her if she is, just wish she would of waited, that's if she has, but it is likely she has ( i think it might of been at a party she went to )
     
  2. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    The pamphlet could have been something handed out to all the girls at school. You don't have to approach her in a confrontational manner. Just tell her that you found it in her room while you were cleaning so she doesn't think you were snooping. Then tell her not to be afraid to tell you the truth about something. Kids have to know a parent isn't going to flip out and go into cardiac arrest is they tell us something shocking. Sometimes we can't help but flip out, but I have always told my son that nothing he says will ever shock me so badly that he should be afraid to tell me. I teach high school, so I've heard about some very troubling things over the years.
     
  3. paula caldwell

    paula caldwell New Member

    Thank you for your reply

    It was like when you get a perscription and the leaflet tells you about the tablet and how to take it and side effects and al that so first thing i thought was she has been the chemist and bought the morning after pill, she is a sensible girl but not sure about this now, feel a bit let down
     
  4. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Just reiterate all the precautions she needs to take if she's being sexually active. You may not be able to convince her to wait.
     
  5. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I hate to say it but sex at fifteen is very much almost the norm these days. And she has a boyfriend so yeah .it will happen if it hasnt yet. Most parents dont flip over sex anymore. My youngest is 22, and she waited until she met her current fiance and is a very good girl, but she used to tell me that girls who got pregnant in high school had baby showers thrown by their parents! She went to several. I would have accepted. I dont know that I would have gone so.far as to throw a baby shower. I cant say for sure. I have two girls but neirher had a baby too soon.

    The best thing you can do for all is to get her on birth control. Even if she denies sex, that may not be true, and if you want to play it safe get her on birth contril anyway. Kids often dont think of birth control. And teen boys? Rarely. They especially have sex on the brain and don't think.Period. Girls like the feeling that they interpret as being cared for. Some want babies. Yikes!

    There is really no societal or peer presure for teens to wait for a certain age, like it used to be.

    I would not judge her. Things are faster than in our time. But do try to make sure she doesnt get pregnant. It is doubtful you can stop her if it is already happened.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 9, 2019
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Yes tell her you found the pamphlet. That you want to support her, answer anay questions she may have, and that if she needs to see a doctor you are willing to take her. Stay matter of fact and not emotional about it if you can. I think theee is a good chance she has already had sex, or at the very least is thinking about it in which case you certainly want her to be on birth control.
     
  7. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    SWOT, I am applauding.

    Mom to daughter, "Not to be a snoop..I found this leaflet while picking up the dishes. I would like to make you a doctor appointment so if your are having sex or thinking about it You are protected so that this (leaflet) won't be as issue. And if you don't want to talk to me about all this you can talk to the doctor, would you like a male or female gyn? And hun, even when we have you on the pill or what ever form you choose Please also make your partner wear a condom , keep a couple in your purse, so YOU know you don't catch anything"
     
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  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Well, I took my daughter to the GYN at about 12-13 for cysts. I gave the doctor written AND verbal permission to treat her and send me the bill (after insurance) for whatever she needed to be safe/protected. Boys were not an issue at that time, but I wanted to start the conversation early, give her a doctor to at least know, and let her know that she could go and get help/advice about sex if she didn't feel she could talk to me about it. In our state some parent made a big stink in the past about a child getting the pill without parental consent to even see the doctor. So at least 10 years ago, the doctor had to have permission to treat a minor, period. Our GYN would treat any young teen who made it in to an appointment, and take the consequences if the parent made a fuss. I just wanted my kid to know where to go to get answers.

    I think kids at 15 are exposed to a LOT more sexual themes than past generations were. With 50 Shades and similar books and movies, sex is happening earlier and earlier because kids are exposed to more of it. There is less shame attached with having sex than there was even when we were teens (I feel ANCIENT typing that!).

    As for the morning after pill, be relieved that she was mature enough to take care of that end of things. Don't be confrontational, just touch base occasionally. Let her know she can talk about this with you. It would be a whole lot more complicated and intense if she didn't get the morning after pill and she ended up pregnant. So at least she is trying to be responsible. You might put a box of condoms in the bathroom she uses, and let her know you will refill it as needed. Also let her know that you will support the pill or other birth control as advised by her doctor. Often that is actually a relief for a kid to know. I remember being 17 or 18 and discussing this from the kid side with a close friend. The discussion stuck with me because my friend said she would talk to MY mom and have my mom tell her mom if she ended up pregnant! Her folks were super uptight and completely unable to talk about sex/periods/reproduction with her for many year. I was blessed to have a mom who was very approachable about this. My friend and I were both relieved to NOT have that issue at the time - we were actually the "late bloomers" among our friends.

    I know this is a while after your post, but sometimes bringing it up casually a few weeks after the initial discussion is helpful. Just my perspective, telling you what I did/hopefully would do in that situation!