18 year old son...

[RP in SC]

and I never thought I would be reading here, much less posting. I don't know what’s happened. He was caught drinking at high school football game. Sent to alternative school for a semester. Fast forward and he’s been smoking pot. No arrests, not caught by anyone else. We caught it by going through his phone WE pay for. Had long talks. Took away car. Fast forward a couple weeks, comes home and can’t hardly stand up he’s so high. My wife didn’t want me to let him go out, and lashes out at me. I’m broken hearted because I trusted him. She lashes out with anger. I’m going to be the reason he dies, etc. I am clueless on what to do. Hes 18.
Under my roof. Owns nothing. Slack at school but enough to get an ok scholarship. Did I mention he’s my heart? I’m broken and clueless. I want to get it right now. Take phone? Take car? Counseling? Help

 

[Helpless29]

Im so sorry,I understand exactly how you feel, my son is 15 and us now in a residential rehab, coming here has helped. It started with a little pot but now it seems its his only way to have fun is to get high.Your son is older then mine would he agree to a impatient program or maybe a outpatient one ? Its hard if they dont want to go because they need to consent to it. But yes get help now before it gets worst or more out of control , even if it just starts with counseling .Please keep us posted

 

[RN0441]

Sorry that you have to be here but welcome.

I would think your son is using other drugs and possibly drinking too? Usually we only "see" the tip of the iceberg. If he could not stand up that is more than just weed. Did he drive in that condition?

My son is my heart also and he has been on a slow slide since the age of 15. He is getting better now finally but he started with pot/weed also. I used to smoke it in high school too so didn't worry terribly about it at that time and thought it was a phase.

Do you have any other children?

It sounds pretty severe punishment for him to go to an alternative school for one incident of drinking! None of us know what to do when this starts as you probably can see by the other member's posts. It can take years to figure this out and I'm in year 8 and still not sure what is up a lot of the times.

I would definitely take the car away. If he is driving under the influence he is putting himself and others at risk and if it's all in your name you stand a lot to lose financially as well.

 

[RP in SC]

Thanks so much to you guys. He’s the baby of 5. The alternative school was due to him having alcohol on school grounds. How do you get info on an outpatient treatment deal?

 

[BusynMember]

Sounds like more than pot to me too. Pot doesn't make you wobbly. Keep cars away from him or he could kill himself or others and then he will REALLY be in trouble...or dead. He doesn't need a car...it is his worst enemy right now. I personally would take away all his toys (I did this to my daughter) unless he goes to rehab. He may already be addicted to alcohol. Something big needs to change for him to change.

I am really sorry. I know it hurts. It's hard to punish them even when they need it.

 

[RN0441]

Thanks so much to you guys. He’s the baby of 5. The alternative school was due to him having alcohol on school grounds. How do you get info on an outpatient treatment deal?

You may want to call your insurance company and see what they can tell you about treatment options.

 

[RP in SC]

Im so sorry,I understand exactly how you feel, my son is 15 and us now in a residential rehab, coming here has helped. It started with a little pot but now it seems its his only way to have fun is to get high.Your son is older then mine would he agree to a impatient program or maybe a outpatient one ? Its hard if they dont want to go because they need to consent to it. But yes get help now before it gets worst or more out of control , even if it just starts with counseling .Please keep us posted

How do you go about an outpatient rehab?

 

[RN0441]

I would call your health insurance company and see what your options are. Our insurance covered it.

 

[RP in SC]

Let me say this... I feel so much better having people who understand. I’m glad I signed up this morning

 

[RN0441]

Ha unfortunately we get it, have lived it or are living it and have the tshirt!

 

[Helpless29]

How do you go about an outpatient rehab?

You can contact your insurance or just google outpatient programs,read what they specialize in and if it fits your needs , call and see if they take your insurance. My 15 year old son has been to many impatient, outpatient, residential programs , we are praying something will get through to him to stop.I hope you find the right place for your son. I know how much it hurts

 

[RN0441]

My son has been to many inpatient and outpatient too and now is in a faith based long term program and he can't fake it there!!

They have to want to change and you have to make their lives miserable enough to want to change. At least that's my humble opinion.

 

[Enmeshedmom]

Welcome. My son will be 20 this month and has been smoking pot for a few years now. It has just recently begun to affect his life negatively I believe because he went from a casual smoker to a daily habit over the last year. He just got his license a year ago and bought his own car and that was just the freedom he needed to really do what he wants. I have done everything under the sun to stop it when he was a minor but now it’s a different ball game. My name is not attached to his vehicle in any way and we made him get his own insurance policy, if that car was in our name he would not be driving it. That is a privilege and a huge responsibility, but as I said he bought it and pays for anything having to do with it so it is out of our hands. I have not accepted that fact very easily and started attending al anon recently to help me cope, the total lack of control over other people’s actions mainly his had nearly driven me to a breakdown. Having been raised with addiction I struggle a lot with the idea that my children might go the same route even after all I have ever done to try to end the cycle.

 

[BusynMember]

If your son is driving impaired you can call the police on him to get him off the road. He is a risk to others as well as himself. It's up to you and hard to do of course but I would never let my impaired kid drive and maybe kill himself or someone else under my roof. Once they move out...I don't really know when/ if they are impaired but I have a good idea under my nose. My daughter lost her driving privileges until we made her leave. Then she had no car but drove and crashed two friends cars. She owed one lady she hurt a fortune. At least we didn't feel bad for letting her drive.

After my daughter had been clean for about two years my ex paid off the $14,000 she still owed the lady. Not until.

Drugs and booze and cars....very dangerous.

 

[Enmeshedmom]

when my son leaves my home he is sober, we don’t allow pot smoking in our house. But at almost 20 years old I do not know his every move and am not with him when he is out so I have no idea when he is stoned and when he is not. And even if I did I would have to know exactly where he is to send the police. It isn’t always as simple as that.

 

[Triedntrue]

Your local hospital behavioral health unit may have a list of outpatient services as well. Sometimes i think the genetic makeup of our difficult children is more powerful than we like to admit. You have done what you could to stop him from following this path it is not your fault. He is an adult. I would not let him drive especially if the car or insurance are in your name. It sounds like you and your wife are not on the same page. Family therapy might be a good option and provide some separate options for your son as well. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

 

[Littleboylost]

Welcome and you are truly not alone. If I can give you one piece of advice. Learn and learn fast, read about setting boundaries and detaching with Love. It is your sons only hope.

I have been through this with a child the same age. No where near finished high school so no scholarship on this end.

No car, no phone restrictions and boundaries. I can not help you with rehabs as I am not American. Stay and read and post. It is one of the only things that helped me survive this.

 

[Lost in sadness]

I am sorry to hear your story. You will read many similar stories here and find a wealth of knowledge and support.
Act now or it’s a slippery slope.
You are not alone in the pain and worry! X