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19 years old wasting his life.
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 711165" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Hi there Hockeymom.</p><p></p><p>My family is a couple of years behind yours in this awful journey, but the path you describe sounds very familiar, up to and including his strongarming us into allowing him to attend online school (our difficult kid is 16) and after granting permission, watching him refuse to do his assignments there just as he did in traditional school; promising to get a part time job but then not following through; and reacting very negatively to even the gentlest of reminders from us to get his act together. Our kid also talks of joining the military or police force, but he cannot tolerate anyone telling him what to do, even high school teachers, so I can't see that going anywhere even if he finds the initative to actually try to enlist/attend the academy. He has become violent in the past when pushed too hard to do anything he doesn't want to do and so far, nobody has stood their ground with him and enforced consequences. If he ever assaulted ME that would change, but so far he has not.</p><p></p><p>I am a stepparent to this child, and he doesn't live with us, so his custodial parent is going to have to set any limits that are going to be set, and well, you can read my previous posts to see that there's little hope of that ever happening. He is headed down a path that will see him taking a menial job and continuing to live with his custodial parent well into his adult years unless something changes. He has a new girlfriend who might light a fire under him.</p><p></p><p>One thing I will say is that it's going to be very important for you to detach from him. Your son is already a legal adult and you aren't under any obligation to keep him under your roof. You would be within your rights to haul his things to the curb, change the locks, call the cops and report him for trespassing if you felt that was necessary. I realize that sounds (and is) extremely harsh, but some people need that level of harshness in order to turn their lives around. But only you know your situation and whether something that drastic is something worth considering. He is his own person on his own journey and you are also on your own journey. It is hard to transition from being a protective mama bear with a tiny cub, to thinking of oneself as the parent of an adult who is failing to thrive. Just remember that your son is going to have to learn responsibility eventually, you won't be around to protect him and shield him from the consequences of his choices forever, and it will be worse if he doesn't start learning sooner than later.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 711165, member: 13303"] Hi there Hockeymom. My family is a couple of years behind yours in this awful journey, but the path you describe sounds very familiar, up to and including his strongarming us into allowing him to attend online school (our difficult kid is 16) and after granting permission, watching him refuse to do his assignments there just as he did in traditional school; promising to get a part time job but then not following through; and reacting very negatively to even the gentlest of reminders from us to get his act together. Our kid also talks of joining the military or police force, but he cannot tolerate anyone telling him what to do, even high school teachers, so I can't see that going anywhere even if he finds the initative to actually try to enlist/attend the academy. He has become violent in the past when pushed too hard to do anything he doesn't want to do and so far, nobody has stood their ground with him and enforced consequences. If he ever assaulted ME that would change, but so far he has not. I am a stepparent to this child, and he doesn't live with us, so his custodial parent is going to have to set any limits that are going to be set, and well, you can read my previous posts to see that there's little hope of that ever happening. He is headed down a path that will see him taking a menial job and continuing to live with his custodial parent well into his adult years unless something changes. He has a new girlfriend who might light a fire under him. One thing I will say is that it's going to be very important for you to detach from him. Your son is already a legal adult and you aren't under any obligation to keep him under your roof. You would be within your rights to haul his things to the curb, change the locks, call the cops and report him for trespassing if you felt that was necessary. I realize that sounds (and is) extremely harsh, but some people need that level of harshness in order to turn their lives around. But only you know your situation and whether something that drastic is something worth considering. He is his own person on his own journey and you are also on your own journey. It is hard to transition from being a protective mama bear with a tiny cub, to thinking of oneself as the parent of an adult who is failing to thrive. Just remember that your son is going to have to learn responsibility eventually, you won't be around to protect him and shield him from the consequences of his choices forever, and it will be worse if he doesn't start learning sooner than later. [/QUOTE]
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