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Parent Emeritus
22 year old bipolar who is difficult to live with -- PART 2
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 607707" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I am liking these posts about retraining ourselves. And we are retraining ourselves too, to feel happy and comfortable with the decisions our difficult child kids require us to make. That's the hard part ~ not feeling like ogres when we try to stop changing things for the kids, whatever the cost to ourselves and our relationships. And I'm not talking just marital relationships, here. Friendships, the time and energy to explore our own curiosities ~ all that stuff. </p><p></p><p>Going shopping without feeling guilty because our adult children haven't been working, or working enough, to provide for themselves and their families. (Okay. So that's a big issue, for me.) </p><p></p><p>The paradigm shift here is realizing that what our adult kids are demanding is that we continue to be as focused on them as adults as we were when they were children. It's like they want us to enslave ourselves to whatever their adult issues are. The difference there being that we don't get to guide or punish them for what they are choosing to do. We certainly are suffering for the choices they are making, though.</p><p></p><p>But really, they are adults, making choices, just like we have all had to make choices. It really stinks that it is that crazy, bottomless parental love that make us vulnerable to the enslavement. </p><p></p><p>Again and again and again.</p><p></p><p>Paradigm shift for me, anyway.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 607707, member: 1721"] I am liking these posts about retraining ourselves. And we are retraining ourselves too, to feel happy and comfortable with the decisions our difficult child kids require us to make. That's the hard part ~ not feeling like ogres when we try to stop changing things for the kids, whatever the cost to ourselves and our relationships. And I'm not talking just marital relationships, here. Friendships, the time and energy to explore our own curiosities ~ all that stuff. Going shopping without feeling guilty because our adult children haven't been working, or working enough, to provide for themselves and their families. (Okay. So that's a big issue, for me.) The paradigm shift here is realizing that what our adult kids are demanding is that we continue to be as focused on them as adults as we were when they were children. It's like they want us to enslave ourselves to whatever their adult issues are. The difference there being that we don't get to guide or punish them for what they are choosing to do. We certainly are suffering for the choices they are making, though. But really, they are adults, making choices, just like we have all had to make choices. It really stinks that it is that crazy, bottomless parental love that make us vulnerable to the enslavement. Again and again and again. Paradigm shift for me, anyway. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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22 year old bipolar who is difficult to live with -- PART 2
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