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22 year old son with bipolar still living at home makes us miserable, what to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 603025" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Mr. Mike, welcome. I'm glad you were able to find us. Like many of us here, you're in a difficult situation, I understand where you are and how it feels to be a parent of an adult child who has mental and emotional issues, won't admit them and makes everyone around him miserable. You are doing all the right things, getting support for you and your family is crucial so I'm glad you are doing that. Contacting NAMI is a great choice, good work.</p><p></p><p>Often what we are forced to do is evict our own adult kids and get restraining orders, so you are not alone in that thinking. Do some research into eviction in your state, here in CA. you have to go to court, there is a wait and you can if necessary have them escorted out by a sheriff. Get all your ducks in order. It appears you are doing just that. A trained professional can help you with detachment tools. There is a great article at the bottom of my post on detachment which you might find helpful.</p><p></p><p>This is a treacherous path, we love them but we cannot make healthy choices for them and letting go of that illusion of control over their lives makes us feel powerless. However, it's in the acceptance of the reality that you didn't cause this, you can't control it and you can't fix it, only your son can do that. He may indeed opt out of signing the papers that will ultimately help him, there isn't much you can do about it. My own daughter has all the help she could need at her fingertips at all times and refuses to acknowledge any problems or the need of any help. There is nothing I can do. I have had to learn to accept it, as you are doing. There are no easy answers, we all go through this process in whatever way we do, it can be harrowing............there are many mine fields to negotiate, but it can be done.</p><p></p><p>I think you are on exactly the right track. I think you are tackling this from a healthy realistic vantage point. It's hard, no doubt about it, these are our children, we love them, we want to help them, but for many of us here, there comes a point where we recognize that we cannot help them and we are likely enabling them. That is when we decide to let go. There is no 'right' way, only YOUR way.</p><p></p><p>You have every right to live in a safe environment which offers you and your family peace of mind, quiet, enjoyment and mutual kindnesses. You do not have to put up with this bad behavior, regardless of your sons diagnoses, he is who he is and he has to face up to the reality and change...........or not. He may live on the streets. What he does is his choice. You and your wife will learn how to set boundaries and rules in your house and when he doesn't live up to them, then he needs to leave. End of story. You have the right to choose the kind of life you want to live. I think you are in the middle of doing that and I support that choice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 603025, member: 13542"] Mr. Mike, welcome. I'm glad you were able to find us. Like many of us here, you're in a difficult situation, I understand where you are and how it feels to be a parent of an adult child who has mental and emotional issues, won't admit them and makes everyone around him miserable. You are doing all the right things, getting support for you and your family is crucial so I'm glad you are doing that. Contacting NAMI is a great choice, good work. Often what we are forced to do is evict our own adult kids and get restraining orders, so you are not alone in that thinking. Do some research into eviction in your state, here in CA. you have to go to court, there is a wait and you can if necessary have them escorted out by a sheriff. Get all your ducks in order. It appears you are doing just that. A trained professional can help you with detachment tools. There is a great article at the bottom of my post on detachment which you might find helpful. This is a treacherous path, we love them but we cannot make healthy choices for them and letting go of that illusion of control over their lives makes us feel powerless. However, it's in the acceptance of the reality that you didn't cause this, you can't control it and you can't fix it, only your son can do that. He may indeed opt out of signing the papers that will ultimately help him, there isn't much you can do about it. My own daughter has all the help she could need at her fingertips at all times and refuses to acknowledge any problems or the need of any help. There is nothing I can do. I have had to learn to accept it, as you are doing. There are no easy answers, we all go through this process in whatever way we do, it can be harrowing............there are many mine fields to negotiate, but it can be done. I think you are on exactly the right track. I think you are tackling this from a healthy realistic vantage point. It's hard, no doubt about it, these are our children, we love them, we want to help them, but for many of us here, there comes a point where we recognize that we cannot help them and we are likely enabling them. That is when we decide to let go. There is no 'right' way, only YOUR way. You have every right to live in a safe environment which offers you and your family peace of mind, quiet, enjoyment and mutual kindnesses. You do not have to put up with this bad behavior, regardless of your sons diagnoses, he is who he is and he has to face up to the reality and change...........or not. He may live on the streets. What he does is his choice. You and your wife will learn how to set boundaries and rules in your house and when he doesn't live up to them, then he needs to leave. End of story. You have the right to choose the kind of life you want to live. I think you are in the middle of doing that and I support that choice. [/QUOTE]
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22 year old son with bipolar still living at home makes us miserable, what to do?
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