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Parent Emeritus
22 year old son with bipolar still living at home makes us miserable, what to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="MrMike" data-source="post: 603380" data-attributes="member: 16687"><p>Yeah, I definitely hear what you're saying. I just went to our first counseling session today to talk about why we haven't kicked out our son yet (Actually we have, but he keeps coming back, and we keep letting him stay). But just to talk about why we haven't officially kicked him out was eye-opening. I realized that there are three reasons: one, we'd have to admit that he has serious mental health issues (and that is hard to do), two, what if he didn't admit he needs help, and became a street person, and got worse and worse, and three, what if he got angrier and came back and did something really bad like set the house on fire or hurt someone in our house. These are scary things to have to worry about, but they seem so bad that allowing him to live with us and trying to keep his stress to a minimum to keep him from having episodes seems like a better option sometimes. Obviously, longterm, its not a better option. But its just been real difficult to cut the cord, and kick him out. It almost seems like it's gonna take another real bad outburst to do it, but obviously, that's not</p><p>a desirable way to do it. That's why we're getting the counseling ... to figure out what our demands should be for him if he wants to continue to live with us, to have confidence that they are reasonable and fair (not just for him, but for us also), and present a united front</p><p>to him that these are the rules, they're fair, they're reasonable, and if he won't comply with them then that's his choice, and therefore he </p><p>has CHOSEN to move out himself. The last thing I need is to be guilting myself on this, when he is the one that is doing all this stuff that is unreasonable (breaking stuff, verbal abuse, etc.). So, I think the counseling will give us the strength of a having a professional behind us, advising us, helping us write our "house rules", making us feel more confident that what we are doing is fair for everyone, and reasonable. Then it will be up to our son to decide what he wants to do, follow the rules or live on his own.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MrMike, post: 603380, member: 16687"] Yeah, I definitely hear what you're saying. I just went to our first counseling session today to talk about why we haven't kicked out our son yet (Actually we have, but he keeps coming back, and we keep letting him stay). But just to talk about why we haven't officially kicked him out was eye-opening. I realized that there are three reasons: one, we'd have to admit that he has serious mental health issues (and that is hard to do), two, what if he didn't admit he needs help, and became a street person, and got worse and worse, and three, what if he got angrier and came back and did something really bad like set the house on fire or hurt someone in our house. These are scary things to have to worry about, but they seem so bad that allowing him to live with us and trying to keep his stress to a minimum to keep him from having episodes seems like a better option sometimes. Obviously, longterm, its not a better option. But its just been real difficult to cut the cord, and kick him out. It almost seems like it's gonna take another real bad outburst to do it, but obviously, that's not a desirable way to do it. That's why we're getting the counseling ... to figure out what our demands should be for him if he wants to continue to live with us, to have confidence that they are reasonable and fair (not just for him, but for us also), and present a united front to him that these are the rules, they're fair, they're reasonable, and if he won't comply with them then that's his choice, and therefore he has CHOSEN to move out himself. The last thing I need is to be guilting myself on this, when he is the one that is doing all this stuff that is unreasonable (breaking stuff, verbal abuse, etc.). So, I think the counseling will give us the strength of a having a professional behind us, advising us, helping us write our "house rules", making us feel more confident that what we are doing is fair for everyone, and reasonable. Then it will be up to our son to decide what he wants to do, follow the rules or live on his own. [/QUOTE]
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22 year old son with bipolar still living at home makes us miserable, what to do?
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