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24 year old son that is lost in life- won’t leave home

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by T Yatess, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. T Yatess

    T Yatess New Member

    Hi, I am new to this forum and find reading the posts helpful for my sanity. I have 4 children, 24,20,18, and 2. The three older ones I raised on completely on my own and the 2 year old is with my husband. The three older ones struggle in life. My oldest was diagnosed high functioning autism and ADHD as a child. I was so young and naive to this, I didn’t understand. I didn’t coddle his disability. Most of it he grew out of. He still is odd socially but that’s just him. I made him go to college, he got his associates degree. I made him get a job, he did. He used to do everything you ask. He struggles with depression also, but he won’t see a therapist or get any help for it. Now at 24, he is in a dead end job, makes about $500 a paycheck. He does pay $300 rent and then puts the rest away. All his spare time he’s out with friends playing video games or at home
    Playing video games. My husband wants him out as I do also. I just know he will struggle in life. He can’t afford to be out on his own. His depression will get worse also. I know he is not on drugs but he does drink socially. He talks about getting a better job but doesn’t try. He says he knows his can’t have a job in his degree cause of his ADHD, but he hasn’t even tried. I just feel like he is lost, has no goals, and he’s lonely. What to do?
     
  2. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Welcome to the forum. More will reply. I am not as familiar with autism but several on here are and i am sure will reply soon. Hang in there.
     
  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Hi.

    I have a high functioning autistic 24 year old son too and it does affect their lives, social skills and abilities to achieve. My son works and gets SSI. With adult services, he is able to be on his own. He is doing very well and has been out of the house since age 20. His case manager is awesome. Videogames are a common autistic obsession. My son is also a big gamer.

    Autism gets better but it doesn't go away. And it's not their fault. And most of the time community help is a Godsend to these adults. My son is not THAT different, but he is different enough to need some guidance where my other grown kids do not. So we made sure he got that guidance.
     
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  4. T Yatess

    T Yatess New Member

    I appreciate your reply. I didn’t realize I could get help for him with a case manager and SSI. I’m hoping he will be open to this help. Thank you!
     
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  5. ahhjeez

    ahhjeez Active Member

    My son is a bit younger than yours. He is also Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). He struggles mightily and always has, but he keeps plugging along. Loves his video games and interacts socially through them. As I know I'm not going to live forever we (him and I) have begun setting up a network of services that can be a support to him when his dad and I are no longer here. He will be applying for disability soon. He is already on medicaid so we've got health insurance covered. He will be attending college full-time in the fall and he is working on getting his license. In my state we also have a dept. of developmental services that he has been a client of for years. We also have a resource council that he will be participating in as well. B has struggled immensely and suffered through a horrible bout of depression last year in transitioning from high school. His anxiety and depression will be a lifetime struggle for him.

    I think it's wonderful that your son is working and paying rent. Is he open to talking about the future with you and maybe looking into setting up some supports for himself? There are resources out there that may be helpful for him. I'm not sure what state you are in, but you could google adult autism services or something similar for your state and see what you can come up with. I wish you the very best.
     
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I don't have much to offer as my son's issues are not related to Autism but I do want to offer my support and ((HUGS)).

    I found this link that might offer some direction.
    Adults with Autism

    I think the best thing you can do for your son and your family is to gain as much knowledge as you can. That's one great thing about the internet, is the wealth of information.

    Let us know how things are going.
     
  7. T Yatess

    T Yatess New Member

    Thank you so much! Hugs back!
     
  8. T Yatess

    T Yatess New Member

    Thank you. Your input is very helpful. Wishing you and your son the best!
     
  9. DadInProgress

    DadInProgress Member

    I grew up with untreated ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)(honestly I just think I was a nerd with parents who wanted me to be a jock) The sword cuts both ways in my opinion. By not being coddled and forced into a lot of uncomfortable situations, I got over a lot of my social anxieties.

    Once my ADHD was treated later in life, I found that just taking medications didn’t help me. I would sit online or play poker, I could focus but it was just on the wrong things. This has a lot to do with shame, i was afraid to take a step and fail. I added an adhd coach to my life, basically a life coach which in conjunction with medications made all the difference.

    We do the same with my daughter and it helped emmensly.

    I’m sure you know all about this stuff, but thought I’d say way helped me.
     
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  10. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    Can you please tell me how you can get a case manager? Thanks