37-year old and parents in bad shape

[Jonbaldbg]

Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you were serious there. It's not like I never said, "A boy needs to go out and have some fun." But there comes a time after all...



See...that was always a sticking point with my husband and I. We were of the opinion that if you only work 10 hours a week...you've got 30 more hours to look for work and you need to be putting in EXTREME effort. So yeah, that has to be sticking in your craw too. I gather you work full-time, so it must be awful to see him not trying very hard.

I agree...don't leave the wife alone with the fall-out. Status quo is good until you get back. I'm sorry you have to deal with it at all.

Yup. I work very part-time. I own a commercial building which I tend to. I have the remains of a business I sold that I tend to. I play for my church on Wednesday nights and Sundays. I'm semi-retired, but I have worked hard all my life. My wife works hard as a Special Education teacher. Our son needs 25-30 hours a week because he has applied for disability at my suggestion and suggestions from friends who know him well. He has disability lawyers guiding him through the process which is going to be a long one.

The bottom line is 25-30 hours a week at $9 an hour would easily pay his bills according to the house rules we set up when he got out of rehab, but he won't adhere. He's even dropped out of AA after his sponsor fired him. "AA doesn't address my particular set of problems."

So that is the situation, limbo for now, but still freakin' stressful.

 

[mof]

So sorry your living in this stressful situation. Our son lives at home with us at present...He wouldn't do well alone..so we are giving him time to grow here.

It's not perfect ...He work s about 30 hrs a week..is on contract and takes his medications. Mind you it's only been a month. He is currently in therapy, he is a man child...through and through.

You know the best course for him...He can't stay forever especially if u feel he has made no progress. We pray for when he can move on too.

It is what it is...you seem to be doing great....prayers

 

[Jonbaldbg]

The thing is, I don't think our will do well alone. He's a lost child. Like you say a man-child through and through. But, for over 20 years he's had many, many people, personal and professional try to help him and he will not do what is suggested. He is self-sabotaging and stubborn. We've done all we can and it's going to kill me, but he has to go even if it means he sleeps in his car and begs for food. It's a horrible situation and one I would never wish on anyone. I do believe if we'd forced him out years ago it would have been better for him. He would have learned to live on his own easier then than now. Prayer for your situation too. May it not reach this point.

 

[Jonbaldbg]

Update on our situation with our son. He is hardly getting any work hours with his job at Macys. Best I can tell he isn't pounding the pavement trying to get a different job. He did go on one interview for a job that would be a good match for him, but I am not aware of any major attempt on his part to be out looking for a new job. He leaves in the morning after coffee and smokes. He may stop by during the afternoon for coffee, but then he's gone again until after our bedtime when he then comes home, smokes, and cooks hamburger helper and bakes garlic bread at midnight.

I do not know, for sure, but I believe he is spending most of his time at the game store. On Wednesday he asked me for $5 for more data on his phone and I reminded him he didn't pay his $30 cell and insurance bill to me the previous Friday. He said that was because his paycheck was only 7 hours. He could pay me back on Friday. So, I said you mean $65 on Friday? He wasn't sure he could do that, but I held my ground and he agreed. He then posted on Facebook about how his tank was on empty and the fuel light is one and he spent his last $4 on gas. I am fed up, so I texted him, there is a $20 bill on the side table. You don't need to pay it back, you don't need to acknowledge this text, you do not need to acknowledge the money, just take it and spend your other money on essentials like cigarettes and energy drinks (sarcasm).

We basically don't speak for the most part. There are certainly going to be no sit down, serious talks or trying to reason with him or help him. That does no good.

I am going to be gone for a week, so we are on hold until I get back. At that point, we are going to give him his exit from our home. We will probably give him 30 day notice. Although I don't think that is a legal requirement in our state, it seems like a fair amount of time to give someone. Those 30 days won't be much fun, but it will be good to get him out of the house. It will probably hard keeping him out and giving repeated "no's we won't give you money.

Enough is enough. I guess we probably should have done this years ago.

 

[mof]

Prayers for your strength..but how much stress can you take. You and your wife deserve a new peaceful normal.

You can always give him an outline of things that should be done to get out and going. Then it's on him.

I would have had a curfew...my rule is kitchen is closed after 10. Our son does get off work at 10, he can warm a plate...but no major cooking....this isn't his exclusive home.

Safe travels...positive thoughts for your wife this week.

Mof

 

[Jonbaldbg]

Thanks mof. We have a curfew to be home but we never thought to have to even address the kitchen

 

[JaneBetty]

Good luck, Jon, and keep us posted.