A boundary win

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nomad, Jan 8, 2017.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    It seems like I always post a negative experience.
    And this is something small, but I put it in the positive category and that doesn't happen as much as I would like, so I thought I would share.

    Our Difficult Child came over and was crummy to us. This, after a crummy Christmas experience.

    She stormed out of the house. I was exhausted and my husband felt sickly. Good grief.

    AND she had the audacity to blame it all on me. WTH? She texted my husband and said something like "When will you accept that me and mom just don't get along?" I felt like we were back in the teenage days and she is pushing thirty.

    Husband texted back "You were rude and inappropriate. I feel sickly. This is totally unacceptable. Due to your inappropriate behaviors, do not text or contact us until after 5 p.m. tomorrow. We absolutely do not wish to hear from you in any way."

    The next day she called my husband around Noon. We don't even want to hear her ring tone. (If it continued, believe me we would have blocked her). He did NOT answer the call. Instead, my husband texted her and said "Since you did not follow my request of not texting/contact us until after 5 p.m. today, it is now extended until after 5 p.m. tomorrow. Do not contact us in any way, shape or form until after 5 p.m. tomorrow"
    We figured we would keep doing this until she got the message, but also block our phones.

    The following day, she called about 7 p.m. very nice and totally appropriate.

    Today, we promised to take care of something for her place (this was promised a long time ago and we said we would do it in January) and my husband called and took her to the store to get this thing for her place and he said she was surprisingly appropriate. Afterwards, she texted me to thank me for the item purchased for her place.

    We also informed her of a few other boundaries and she accepted them without question. Husband and I are discussing this. It seems she might react to this type of thing. Not overly harsh, but immediate, appropriate and without exception. Requests, pleading, discussion etc. doesn't work. Immediate logical consequences without discussion/exception works. I suppose we knew this but sometimes we mistake her for a healthy adult..one that you can simply talk to. Often not the case.

    It's a little thing, but it felt good.
    • Winner Winner x 8
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 2
    • Useful Useful x 1
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  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    That is absolutely tremendous and a huge step forward. Kudos!
  3. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Nice job, Nomad and Mr. Nomad! Drama - free and effective is a home run!
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
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  4. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member


    This is great; I wish husband and I had tried the same tactic 15 or 20 years ago. Good for you.

    Sounds promising for all your futures...
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  6. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Excellent work, Mr. Nomad and Nomad!