A Chapter Ends With DS

BloodiedButUnbowed

Well-Known Member
Hi everyone,

It's been a while since my last update. I also enjoy helping other parents navigate the storms that our troubled children bring into our lives, so it's good to be back.

DS, who turned 20 earlier this month, moved out last night after we confronted him with evidence that he had relapsed (I snooped his computer and found messages from him, asking an older friend to buy him liquor). Earlier in the week we learned he had also lied about other things, and we were planning how to address that issue with him when this, much more serious problem revealed itself.

We set down several conditions for him to remain with us. He rejected them all, proclaimed that he was an adult, and that he didn't have to do anything he did not want to do (his motto from a very early age, by the way). He had many other choice words, all of them incredibly cruel and delivered in the loudest volume possible. After two hours of screaming at us, with at least one of those hours centering exclusively on how unfair it was that we would dare take his car keys away for a period of time, eventually he made his decision. The car, which is in W's name as well as his, remains here. He had friends come to pick him up. We know nothing about what he plans to do now, although apparently, several of these friends are planning to rent an apartment, so I'm sure that he will try to get in on that.

I am grateful that the confrontation did not become physical. And though I miss him, I am glad he, and his toxic behavior and attitudes, are out of my home.

W thinks DS may come back. I tend to doubt it, but if he does ever express a desire to return it will have to be under very different terms than those we lived under for the past year with him. Things started out strong but deteriorated after the pandemic began, and the lockdowns that followed.

I am much stronger for having gone through this period of time with him. I continue to maintain, as I always have, that DS is a very cold blooded individual capable of criminal behavior, up to and including murder. Living with him has only made this belief more firm in my mind. He cannot be dealt with like an adult child, because he lacks normal human emotion and attachment. He has to view a situation as being logically beneficial to him and if he does, he will go along with it as long as he is directly benefited. This is why he lived with us for the past year; he knew he had to play ball for a while after being arrested and facing felony charges, which was his situation when we came back into his life.

He continues to accept no accountability and blame others, especially W, for all of his problems. I feel inevitably he will end up in prison for a long time. He has no sense of right and wrong.

I will post updates as I have them. YS has disappeared from our lives, won't return our texts, and as far as we know continues to live with F.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Welcome back

I think it's good your stepson is out of the house. Hopefully he will stay with those other guys. How will he pay for his rent and other things?

In any case, he is very young and very immature. My son will be 25 tomorrow. He has come very far but still has a long way to go. My son was an @ss at the age of 20 and abusing pills, weed, and alcohol. I did not want him around me. They are very very self-centered at this age and probably all of their 20's truth be told.

There is hope with maturity that is for sure!! They have to learn how to deal with life in their own time, in their own way. We can love them and guide them as much as we can but in the end, it's truly on them.
 

BloodiedButUnbowed

Well-Known Member
We've learned that DS is in one piece and apparently trying to ingratiate himself with F and relatives on that side of the family. He can sure pull out the charming routine when it suits him. We gave F the information we had proving DS' involvement with booze and pot. We also told F to make sure DS was aware he needed to report his status to probation, because we would not lie for him. If they knock on our door and ask where he is, we will respond honestly - that he relapsed and moved out rather than comply with our rules - and then he will be back in jail most likely.

Trying to let go.
 
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