A different kind of question for you smart ladies

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by BusynMember, Aug 7, 2019.

  1. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    I hope this is the right place for it. I want some female thoughts because my husband just says " its none of our business." He's right, but I am curious about other guesses. And I know they are just guesses. I apologize, but don't want to give a huge background here as I want to make sure we are ananymous.

    My younger daughter has been divorced for six months. It was amicable and they share custody of the kids. My daughter is having a house built, but it won't be ready for a while so gladly we are housing her and the grands until then.

    This daughter is extremely responsible and we trust her. Because she was down about the divorce, we told her to go out with her friends and we will happily watch the grands, if they are with us at the time. She insists on paying us to babysit!!!

    Ok, now for my issue.

    My daughter has been divorced for a very short time and in her history, she always waited at least a year to even date after a break up. She is cautious. Last year she got a new job, and a slightly older guy that she knew from school also works there. From Day One they became fast friends and have a lot in common, but I know for a fact that he had nothing to do with the divorce. You will have to trust me on this.

    Now that she is legally divorced she is reconnecting with friends she didn't see for a while. But the person she sees and talks to the most is Sam. I will call him Sam and her Amy. It is easier for me to use names, even fake names, than keep typing "my daughter" or "the guy she knew from school."

    So Amy and Sam are always together and talk on the phone s lot. She refers to him as her friend Sam. But I suspect its mutually more. Enquiring Mom minds want to know even though we have no right to know until we are told. She has gone boating with his family and likes them. They are a family of high achievers and yet she calls them down to earth.

    If this was your daughter, what might you think? I never butt my nose into my childrens business without being invited so I wont ask. I think its too soon, but Amy and her ex were not happy for a few years.

    Sorry if this is inappropriate!!!
     
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Anything you or I dream up is going to be a story that may or may not bear relationship to any reality. That said, on the face of it, it seems like a nice friendship, with a nice man, with a nice family. The thing is this: Even if you knew that they were romantic or even serious, these things can change on a dime, in a moment, even with the most serious people, until there is a commitment. And even then, there is nothing certain.

    Why not stay in the present, with hope and an open heart? It sounds like she is a sensible and caring young woman who will do the right thing.
     
  3. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Oh, I am just curious. Amy never so far has fast relationships that don't last. Amy is careful and predictable and has never had a short term relationship. In fact she only had two before she married. All became rather serious.

    This is a nice man and he is helping her a lot. This divorce has been very hard on her and she is clearly happier now.
     
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I would try to be happy for her. If she is working and a good mother and not on drugs or Lord knows what else....I would just be happy for her.

    It's her life. She has known Sam for many years. It's not like she was out looking for a man.
     
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  5. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    True. And she is
    Thanks for this.
     
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  6. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    It might just be something fun and safe to pass some time and not feel so miserable and alone. Sounds like she's responsible with a good head on her shoulders and your gut is to trust her decisions, so that's likely what it is. If it were more, I'm sure you'd hear of it soon enough. :)
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You raised Amy to be an intelligent, rational person who makes good choices for herself and for her children. I am SURE that their well-being is at the top of her priorities when she thinks about having anything to do with a guy. She knows that Sam is a good guy, she feels comfortable around him, and she is having fun. Let her tell you what she thinks you need to know when you need to know it.
     
  8. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Thank you Susie. I think Kay gave me PTSD. Amy has never made bad decisions in her love life. She even continues to be friendly with her ex. She met Sam in high school and they are both huge atlhetes with a lot to build on, even if it goes beyond friendship.

    A big note is that Kay can never live with us again. Amy is kind, helpful, respectful and easy to live with. She has an amazing job and is a caring involved mother. Her kilds are smart and quiet and do their homework happily and clean up and love their grands. Its nice to have them back for a while. They tell us they love us and give us hugs all the time. Amy does the same!

    Be well all. God bless.
     
  9. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I can do that too.
    Wonder what’s going on.
    But, I think the good here is that Sam, I gather is a nice person from a good family.
    You have some notion based on a few signs that it’s more than friendship.
    But, the truth is that’s only a guess.
    And although some might argue it’s too soon...it sounds like she may have even factored that into her decision to be quiet about her relationship status.
    This too is a good sign.
    Many positives here.
    I would back off and be grateful that this is looking more healthy than anything else.
    (Sometimes that’s hard when we’ve had some traumatic experiences with other adult children etc..but this is truly looking ok. Whew)
     
  10. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Thank you, Nomad. Amy is hard to read. She is sweeter than sugar but keeps her feelings to herself. Her brother did ask her about her relationship with Sam and I heard it. He asked if Sam was more than a friend. Amy said she didn't know and that she is still reeling from the divorce.

    Those were her exact words.

    So I don't know and I believe that she doesn't know and now I think Amy is taking the divorce hard even though it was coming for a few years.

    My family tends to be very stoic, even with each other. Sometimes this is hard for a mom. Yet I am the same.

    Kay tells the world every perceived life detail. No wonder she always felt like an outsider. I feel for both of my girls today.
     
  11. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    She probably just needs time to figure this all out for herself and to sort through her feelings after the divorce .I would let it be and give her lots of breathing room .
     
  12. BusynMember

    BusynMember Active Member

    Thank you. We are. Appreciate thoughts.