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Addiction to a toxic person...so weird
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 737814" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa I actually think you did the smart thing. Yes, we could have been very nice and smiled at them. And due to your mom being so grateful to you at the end, maybe she was a tad easier to get along with than mine, perhaps not. Mine disliked me from birth and wasnt too found of my sister either. She actually tended to worship certain men...her brother, my brother, her eventual boyfriend. She had no real adoration of any females, at least not until I was around 40...after that she didnt tell me who she worshipped.</p><p></p><p> She loved my grandma but was furious at her too and I was a witness to her fury when she didnt know I was there. But at other times that I didnt actually hear with my own ears my grandma would call me all upset because my mother had yelled at her. My mother would berate her for favoring her brother, the one that she also worshipped while she resented him too. Crazy.</p><p></p><p>Right before my grandma died, she was in a nursing home supposedly recovering and I was going to visit. Before I got to her room, i heard my mothers voice so I stopped walking to listen. She was berating my grandmother, who was recovering, for favoring her brother. I heard her meanness first hand. Like my Mother hadnt favored MY brother. She had a lot of nerve and my grandma was 82 and very sick...that was not the time for my mother to be giving my grandma grief. I hastily walked in she stopped. And left almost right away.</p><p></p><p>My grandma died in that same bed a few days later. My mother was not a nice person. Who does that when somebody you supposedly love is that sick???</p><p></p><p>Copa I tried to get along with my mother, calling her when she never called me back and apologizing for things I didnt do to try to make peace. But she wouldnt do it. She didnt want to get along with me. You can not get along with all difficult people and I feel you were smart to get away. Your sister's letter to you was as vile as my sister's constant cop calling.</p><p></p><p>Could you have gotten along well with your family AND kept your integrity? Been yourself? Had ANY self esteem?</p><p></p><p>I believe we did what we had to do. I had emotionally slipped away from them by my 40s. Trying to have peace with my mom and my sister was not about feeling strongly bonded to either, although I did feel a bond toward my sister. It faded slowly with the cop calling and constant cut offs until I had to end it. But I once felt a bond, although I am not sure why. With my mother I did not feel a bond. Ever.</p><p></p><p>I wish I had left them when I got married the first time. I was the family scapegoat and that never stopped and around them I felt worthless. Yet I now feel I accomplished more in my personal life than my mother, my sister and my brother did.</p><p></p><p> To me, having a long term love relationship trumps having a good career. Not that my sister has a good career, but my brother did...but no love connecton. I know how much they both lost out on by not having a love connection that is overwhelming and raising kids with the love of your life. They missed out on that.</p><p></p><p> I have that. Its a rare gift from God. This was what I always wanted more than anything else in the world. My sister did too. But she cant ever have what I had...it is too late in her life and she doesnt choose good men...men like my husband and your M who treat us as if we are special. I believe to the core of my soul that my sister wishes she had a man whom she loved who loved her back and had raised kids with him.</p><p></p><p>Instead she chose to waste eight years with a narcicist. We had the same exact horrible upbringing, but I did not chose a narcicist and she did. So she is understandably angry. Why feed into it? Nothing would change. I wish she had made better choices but she didnt. She didnt like nice men.</p><p></p><p>Copa we survived the best we knew how, without being taught early coping skills. I cant speak for your mother, but mine had no coping skills herself so she couldnt teach what she didnt know. She was a disaster as a mother of minor children. I suspect if she hadnt moved to Indiana, far from Sis, their relationship, in which they couldnt see each other much, would have erupted.</p><p></p><p>You had a great career. I am in awe of all you accomplished. You have a long term amazing boyfriend and a son who YES loves you, whether he is difficult or not. You are very special.</p><p></p><p>We both are.</p><p></p><p>I am so very grateful you reached out to me tonight. You stopped me from perpetrating my behavioral addiction and I have much gratitide and affection to you for this.</p><p></p><p>I wish you a peaceful night with your wonderful man. G-d bless.</p><p></p><p>Light and love!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 737814, member: 1550"] Copa I actually think you did the smart thing. Yes, we could have been very nice and smiled at them. And due to your mom being so grateful to you at the end, maybe she was a tad easier to get along with than mine, perhaps not. Mine disliked me from birth and wasnt too found of my sister either. She actually tended to worship certain men...her brother, my brother, her eventual boyfriend. She had no real adoration of any females, at least not until I was around 40...after that she didnt tell me who she worshipped. She loved my grandma but was furious at her too and I was a witness to her fury when she didnt know I was there. But at other times that I didnt actually hear with my own ears my grandma would call me all upset because my mother had yelled at her. My mother would berate her for favoring her brother, the one that she also worshipped while she resented him too. Crazy. Right before my grandma died, she was in a nursing home supposedly recovering and I was going to visit. Before I got to her room, i heard my mothers voice so I stopped walking to listen. She was berating my grandmother, who was recovering, for favoring her brother. I heard her meanness first hand. Like my Mother hadnt favored MY brother. She had a lot of nerve and my grandma was 82 and very sick...that was not the time for my mother to be giving my grandma grief. I hastily walked in she stopped. And left almost right away. My grandma died in that same bed a few days later. My mother was not a nice person. Who does that when somebody you supposedly love is that sick??? Copa I tried to get along with my mother, calling her when she never called me back and apologizing for things I didnt do to try to make peace. But she wouldnt do it. She didnt want to get along with me. You can not get along with all difficult people and I feel you were smart to get away. Your sister's letter to you was as vile as my sister's constant cop calling. Could you have gotten along well with your family AND kept your integrity? Been yourself? Had ANY self esteem? I believe we did what we had to do. I had emotionally slipped away from them by my 40s. Trying to have peace with my mom and my sister was not about feeling strongly bonded to either, although I did feel a bond toward my sister. It faded slowly with the cop calling and constant cut offs until I had to end it. But I once felt a bond, although I am not sure why. With my mother I did not feel a bond. Ever. I wish I had left them when I got married the first time. I was the family scapegoat and that never stopped and around them I felt worthless. Yet I now feel I accomplished more in my personal life than my mother, my sister and my brother did. To me, having a long term love relationship trumps having a good career. Not that my sister has a good career, but my brother did...but no love connecton. I know how much they both lost out on by not having a love connection that is overwhelming and raising kids with the love of your life. They missed out on that. I have that. Its a rare gift from God. This was what I always wanted more than anything else in the world. My sister did too. But she cant ever have what I had...it is too late in her life and she doesnt choose good men...men like my husband and your M who treat us as if we are special. I believe to the core of my soul that my sister wishes she had a man whom she loved who loved her back and had raised kids with him. Instead she chose to waste eight years with a narcicist. We had the same exact horrible upbringing, but I did not chose a narcicist and she did. So she is understandably angry. Why feed into it? Nothing would change. I wish she had made better choices but she didnt. She didnt like nice men. Copa we survived the best we knew how, without being taught early coping skills. I cant speak for your mother, but mine had no coping skills herself so she couldnt teach what she didnt know. She was a disaster as a mother of minor children. I suspect if she hadnt moved to Indiana, far from Sis, their relationship, in which they couldnt see each other much, would have erupted. You had a great career. I am in awe of all you accomplished. You have a long term amazing boyfriend and a son who YES loves you, whether he is difficult or not. You are very special. We both are. I am so very grateful you reached out to me tonight. You stopped me from perpetrating my behavioral addiction and I have much gratitide and affection to you for this. I wish you a peaceful night with your wonderful man. G-d bless. Light and love!! [/QUOTE]
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