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Adopted adults have more problems....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 760128" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Nomad, thank you for answering. It really helped me.</p><p></p><p>I don't know my daughters bio.history, but I can imagine it is like your daughter's. My own therapist who hub and I see (Kay would never go) told us that adopted kids and adopted adults have a lot more mental illness, behavioral problems and attachment issues EVEN IF ADOPTED AS INFANTS than others. Some of that is because most parents who lose custody of their kids or don't feel they can raise them are not stable and the child does not have the best genetics, on top of the initial separation from their birthmother. Let's not leave out possible substance abuse while pregnant and lack of pregnancy health care. This all matters.</p><p></p><p>This explains to me how three kids, all raised the same way in a two parent home with love and lots of advantages can turn out so differently. My two biological kids are hard workers with college degrees, very loving and were easy to raise. They are are going to have good lives if they keep on. They try HARD to live well. This is important.</p><p></p><p>Kay was difficult from the start, had school problems, and has never shown motivation. She left her own son. Once she asked me ",Why did my real mother leave me? Was I bad?" Maybe that's why she could leave Jaden. She doesn't check in on him.</p><p></p><p> I think most adopted kids wonder about that first abandonment. I was in an adoptive parents group. While the babies were the light of their parents.lives, as they aged almost all of the parents had problems with the kids, and we asked each other if it was being adopted. We have.lost touch but some.kids were like Kay before we lost touch....not close, not wanting to be close unless they wanted money, etc. It was a big proportion....more than in the general population. I think we lost touch die to our sadness.</p><p></p><p>Others who adopted and had bio. kids had experiences like I did with the bio. kids doing better. That puzzled us. They had been raised the same way.</p><p></p><p>Many adopted kids look for "real Mom." Those words hurt. One of the moms child's birthparents were dead so she found her birth siblings and.moved in with a sister. The crazy world of kids with two families....those who loved and raised them with such caring and the family that can give them what we can't....genetics, answers to why they have blond hair, answers to why they are musically gifted, answers to some of their problems in school....perhaps more similar personalities.</p><p></p><p> They may still love us too, but they are not our DNA. With FB and all it's easy to search for birth relatives. Kay's birth family sadly has a very common last name....she would be happier if she could find them. They live abroad. I wish she could find them and maybe finally bond with somebody...even if it's not us.</p><p></p><p>There used to be lots of adoptive parents here on the forum. Now not so many. Thanks for responding.</p><p></p><p>I wish doctors and social workers would be upfront. They are not. </p><p></p><p>I wish great happiness for your family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 760128, member: 23706"] Nomad, thank you for answering. It really helped me. I don't know my daughters bio.history, but I can imagine it is like your daughter's. My own therapist who hub and I see (Kay would never go) told us that adopted kids and adopted adults have a lot more mental illness, behavioral problems and attachment issues EVEN IF ADOPTED AS INFANTS than others. Some of that is because most parents who lose custody of their kids or don't feel they can raise them are not stable and the child does not have the best genetics, on top of the initial separation from their birthmother. Let's not leave out possible substance abuse while pregnant and lack of pregnancy health care. This all matters. This explains to me how three kids, all raised the same way in a two parent home with love and lots of advantages can turn out so differently. My two biological kids are hard workers with college degrees, very loving and were easy to raise. They are are going to have good lives if they keep on. They try HARD to live well. This is important. Kay was difficult from the start, had school problems, and has never shown motivation. She left her own son. Once she asked me ",Why did my real mother leave me? Was I bad?" Maybe that's why she could leave Jaden. She doesn't check in on him. I think most adopted kids wonder about that first abandonment. I was in an adoptive parents group. While the babies were the light of their parents.lives, as they aged almost all of the parents had problems with the kids, and we asked each other if it was being adopted. We have.lost touch but some.kids were like Kay before we lost touch....not close, not wanting to be close unless they wanted money, etc. It was a big proportion....more than in the general population. I think we lost touch die to our sadness. Others who adopted and had bio. kids had experiences like I did with the bio. kids doing better. That puzzled us. They had been raised the same way. Many adopted kids look for "real Mom." Those words hurt. One of the moms child's birthparents were dead so she found her birth siblings and.moved in with a sister. The crazy world of kids with two families....those who loved and raised them with such caring and the family that can give them what we can't....genetics, answers to why they have blond hair, answers to why they are musically gifted, answers to some of their problems in school....perhaps more similar personalities. They may still love us too, but they are not our DNA. With FB and all it's easy to search for birth relatives. Kay's birth family sadly has a very common last name....she would be happier if she could find them. They live abroad. I wish she could find them and maybe finally bond with somebody...even if it's not us. There used to be lots of adoptive parents here on the forum. Now not so many. Thanks for responding. I wish doctors and social workers would be upfront. They are not. I wish great happiness for your family. [/QUOTE]
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