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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 761483" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>The Social Workers really should tell adoptive parents what is possible before we adopt. I think, if informed by professionals, we may have adopted anyway but been better prepared. We could have done early attachment work with Kay. She was so young but many if not most adopted kids have attachment issues. Also we would have screened her for things like fetal alcohol effects and other disorders. We had no idea how high the risk was that she would have these problems.</p><p></p><p>In the end I feel it would not have been that different if we had been one informed. But who knows? We were not told how to parent an adopted child and it is not the same as parenting a biological child. I have done both.</p><p></p><p>For us, we cared less about Kay's job, or what type of job she would have been able to get if she had been willing to get a job, as about her lack of caring toward us. That last was the worst of it.</p><p></p><p>I feel for your friend whose kids did not show up for her funeral. Certainly she knew of their lack of affection for her while she was still alive. It is shocking to think of our kids not attending our funerals, but Kay won't come to ours. I know this. I just had not thought of that before.</p><p></p><p>I noticed, when I started posting here, that it seemed, at the time, that half of the kids were adopted. Half the parents don't adopt kids. It was a shock for me to see that... the high numbers.</p><p></p><p>Well, I had a chance to vent. I don't like to overly complain. But this is a bigger overview of our story. I feel sadness and relief because I shared it. But maybe it will help somebody else at some time.</p><p></p><p>This forum has helped me feel less alone, but I won't lie. Nar Anon and our therapist were necessary for me. I could not have really given Kay to God ony own. And days go by now when I don't think about her. I am usually serene now. A miracle. (Still think I have PTSD. Certain things trigger me badly).</p><p></p><p>Thanks for being here, all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 761483, member: 23706"] The Social Workers really should tell adoptive parents what is possible before we adopt. I think, if informed by professionals, we may have adopted anyway but been better prepared. We could have done early attachment work with Kay. She was so young but many if not most adopted kids have attachment issues. Also we would have screened her for things like fetal alcohol effects and other disorders. We had no idea how high the risk was that she would have these problems. In the end I feel it would not have been that different if we had been one informed. But who knows? We were not told how to parent an adopted child and it is not the same as parenting a biological child. I have done both. For us, we cared less about Kay's job, or what type of job she would have been able to get if she had been willing to get a job, as about her lack of caring toward us. That last was the worst of it. I feel for your friend whose kids did not show up for her funeral. Certainly she knew of their lack of affection for her while she was still alive. It is shocking to think of our kids not attending our funerals, but Kay won't come to ours. I know this. I just had not thought of that before. I noticed, when I started posting here, that it seemed, at the time, that half of the kids were adopted. Half the parents don't adopt kids. It was a shock for me to see that... the high numbers. Well, I had a chance to vent. I don't like to overly complain. But this is a bigger overview of our story. I feel sadness and relief because I shared it. But maybe it will help somebody else at some time. This forum has helped me feel less alone, but I won't lie. Nar Anon and our therapist were necessary for me. I could not have really given Kay to God ony own. And days go by now when I don't think about her. I am usually serene now. A miracle. (Still think I have PTSD. Certain things trigger me badly). Thanks for being here, all of you. [/QUOTE]
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