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Substance Abuse
Adult son living at home breaking house rules
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<blockquote data-quote="AddictionSucks123" data-source="post: 763659" data-attributes="member: 31168"><p>New Leaf, </p><p></p><p>Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I love, love that line, ".. not kicking him out, you are giving him his wings". </p><p></p><p>He really hates himself when he fails himself. He admitted to doing cocaine, and agreed to testing after he got home from work and we had a long talk. I told him my fears of him dying from fentanyl poisoning and he said, well, the dealer tests the batch. I said, they can't test every batch, and a friend of his from high school, died of fentanyl poisoining just last year. That friend also did cocaine on occasion. He said he would like to do family addiction counseling, and I said, that is great. Please find one for us to attend. I did not want to go through looking for a counselor only for him to reject it. </p><p></p><p>He says he is doing what he needs to do for himself and doesn't want to drink anymore or do drugs. He remarks it is no longer fun for him. That said, I understand addiction is more than white fisting through the cravings. His friends are starting to cut him off, and I am not sure if that is a good thing. Perhaps, they do not want to see him go down the rabbit hole as I had pleaded with them to help him go to and stay at rehab. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I must remember that... shifting blame on the parents. He used to divide and conquer before (separate my husband and I when it came to discussions about him) and we no longer let that happen. </p><p></p><p>We are still encouraging him to move out and he does pay us rent. Not much, but we wanted him to get used to the cadence of paying every month. </p><p></p><p>He does have a past history of depression and anxiety. However, he says he does it when he is happy, not sad. He does it to reward himself. or to even himself out after work. </p><p></p><p>My husband, who also had a past history of drug use, said, I need to back off a little bit more and not apply my own anxiety on our son. That we will wait and watch and look at his actions. That me asking every other day, if he had a drink or drug testing him after he comes back home, is only making things worse for me. So.. I have been backing off.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AddictionSucks123, post: 763659, member: 31168"] New Leaf, Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I love, love that line, ".. not kicking him out, you are giving him his wings". He really hates himself when he fails himself. He admitted to doing cocaine, and agreed to testing after he got home from work and we had a long talk. I told him my fears of him dying from fentanyl poisoning and he said, well, the dealer tests the batch. I said, they can't test every batch, and a friend of his from high school, died of fentanyl poisoining just last year. That friend also did cocaine on occasion. He said he would like to do family addiction counseling, and I said, that is great. Please find one for us to attend. I did not want to go through looking for a counselor only for him to reject it. He says he is doing what he needs to do for himself and doesn't want to drink anymore or do drugs. He remarks it is no longer fun for him. That said, I understand addiction is more than white fisting through the cravings. His friends are starting to cut him off, and I am not sure if that is a good thing. Perhaps, they do not want to see him go down the rabbit hole as I had pleaded with them to help him go to and stay at rehab. Yes, I must remember that... shifting blame on the parents. He used to divide and conquer before (separate my husband and I when it came to discussions about him) and we no longer let that happen. We are still encouraging him to move out and he does pay us rent. Not much, but we wanted him to get used to the cadence of paying every month. He does have a past history of depression and anxiety. However, he says he does it when he is happy, not sad. He does it to reward himself. or to even himself out after work. My husband, who also had a past history of drug use, said, I need to back off a little bit more and not apply my own anxiety on our son. That we will wait and watch and look at his actions. That me asking every other day, if he had a drink or drug testing him after he comes back home, is only making things worse for me. So.. I have been backing off. [/QUOTE]
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