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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759615" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is the thing that binds all of us together on this forum. Nearly all of us come to this place. We want to have relationships with our children; we want them to treat themselves and us with respect; we want them to want to get better--but our children do not want this for themselves. </p><p></p><p>We come to the point where, like you, we recognize that the only thing there is, is to draw a boundary. We recognize that until our children want more, they won't try. We recognize that we have become their victims. And so we do the only thing we can. We pull back.</p><p></p><p>Your son refuses medications. He's unmotivated except for external incentives. Even with support, he chooses to not engage with your minimal and necessary expectations. You know that it is a choice because he can meet adequate standards at school and when visiting friends. It sounds either like he is choosing to disrespect you at your home, or just doesn't care. They're both hard to deal with. </p><p></p><p>As you have, most of us come to the place where we accept that we are entitled to set limits. More than entitled, we are obligated to do so. But I will speak for myself. I struggle. I am still ambivalent. When I am extremely worried about my son, I still want to bring him home, to try again. He is 32. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are in this hard, hard situation. Behavioral specialists come into the home and family to observe behavioral patterns and to set up specific reinforcement protocols to deal with situations like this. Since the behavior doesn't happen at school, I am doubtful the IEP would cover it. But maybe because it is medically-related, if referred by the doctor, perhaps insurance would.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759615, member: 18958"] This is the thing that binds all of us together on this forum. Nearly all of us come to this place. We want to have relationships with our children; we want them to treat themselves and us with respect; we want them to want to get better--but our children do not want this for themselves. We come to the point where, like you, we recognize that the only thing there is, is to draw a boundary. We recognize that until our children want more, they won't try. We recognize that we have become their victims. And so we do the only thing we can. We pull back. Your son refuses medications. He's unmotivated except for external incentives. Even with support, he chooses to not engage with your minimal and necessary expectations. You know that it is a choice because he can meet adequate standards at school and when visiting friends. It sounds either like he is choosing to disrespect you at your home, or just doesn't care. They're both hard to deal with. As you have, most of us come to the place where we accept that we are entitled to set limits. More than entitled, we are obligated to do so. But I will speak for myself. I struggle. I am still ambivalent. When I am extremely worried about my son, I still want to bring him home, to try again. He is 32. I am so sorry you are in this hard, hard situation. Behavioral specialists come into the home and family to observe behavioral patterns and to set up specific reinforcement protocols to deal with situations like this. Since the behavior doesn't happen at school, I am doubtful the IEP would cover it. But maybe because it is medically-related, if referred by the doctor, perhaps insurance would. [/QUOTE]
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