Thank you all.. I know you are all right. It is so hard. I keep thinking if I tell her she has to go and she is on the streets that something could happen to her. The kids dad has them part time. No he doesn't pay support. She has applied for TANF which is cash assistance and snap benefits. She lost the cash assistance because you have requirements such as attending classes looking for a job etc.. and she didn't comply. I have told her she can go to a shelter she refuses. I feel guilty. I have 3 other kids 2 older and 1 younger and they all have just turned their back on her. And tell me to do the same. It is just heart breaking and I feel I should fix it.. but I can't.. I'm just at a loss.. she gets so angry and yells and calls me names.. she won't go to a dr or anything.. I appreciate all of the feedback. I am just struggling with how it's right to leave her out in the cold..
Lisa,
You can't fix your daughter.
If you could, you already would have.
Only she can fix her life.
There are programs available, but she has to want to, first.
This is a sad truth we all have had to face.
Please don't give up your happiness by allowing her to continue living in your house, using drugs, and terrorizing the household. It won't help.
You aren't leaving her out in the cold. There are shelters she can go to. It is not your problem that she doesn't want to go to one. We all have to do things we don't want to do. It is not your job to provide her the accommodations of her choice. Please try to remember that.
It is also not good for her to be allowed to put the responsibility for her life onto you. Don't be held hostage by your fears.
Most of us have been where you are.
We kicked my step-son out at age 18. He went to live with his mom, went back and forth between our house, her house, friends houses, renting rooms (we pitched in for), got kicked out of all of the places, till finally we all had enough.
Interestingly, he has managed on his own better than he ever did living with any of us. He now has had a "real" job for the last five months, and is doing well (real as in, working for an actual business that drug-tests, pays by direct deposit every other week, and follows labor laws). He worked for the last two years, but with pretty sketchy outfits.
He has even told his dad that kicking him out is the best thing that ever happened to him. He thinks he would be either in jail, dead, or possibly just existing on our basement with no job and using drugs if we hadn't forced him to support himself.
And, he was the laziest person I have ever met. He had no pride in himself, no confidence in himself. Now, he has changed so much. He has that confident air about him. The confidence that can only be gained by accomplishment. He was clean and groomed, happy and proud of himself. It was beautiful to witness.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Let us know how you are doing, Lisa.
Apple