Advocate overstepping boundaries?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Last ♡ Hope, May 20, 2011.

  1. Last ♡ Hope

    Last ♡ Hope New Member

    Can someone define an advocate's role for me?

    I think ours is a very nice, albeit very determined, lady, but I think she might be overstepping boundaries in her quest to help us as much as possible. I had a meeting at the school yesterday morning with the district's Occupational Therapist (OT) and my advocate so we could get a rundown of how the school conducted the Occupational Therapist (OT) portion of their assessment. After the meeting in the course of conversation I told her I was not having any luck getting difficult child into the new psychiatrist I wanted to switch to and I wasn't really clear on their reasoning, but that at least I got him to agree to a 2nd opinion. She asked if I minded if she called just to better understand why they would not see my son, and I said that would be fine, not expecting anything more than just a better explanation.

    Well that psychiatrist called this morning to get more information on difficult child for his assessment, and in the course of THAT conversation he let me know that my advocate "bullied" his office staff repeatedly, accusing them of not seeing him due to his insurance, etc. (which it turns out is partially true so it wasn't a false accusation but definitely p***ed them off) and basically "burned that bridge for [me]". He said his clinic manager told him in no uncertain terms that they will not be dealing with our case because of the way our advocate came across. Which, okay they were already telling me they would never see my difficult child so I don't think she burned a bridge because there wasn't one in the first place, but I do think she caused bad blood and that rather annoys me.

    I love that she is so militantly on our side, but you can't go around strong-arming your way all the time, either. I'm just bummed out to have that whole clinic basically feel negatively towards difficult child and myself now. I feel like we've lost an ally somehow, even if we never could actually get into the clinic in the first place. Am I just being dumb? Or do I need to reign her in?
  2. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    Yikes! I'd definately talk to her about that, and I probably wouldn't let her make any more calls on your behalf!
  3. Last ♡ Hope

    Last ♡ Hope New Member

    Yeah her job is to deal with the *school* system, am I right? I guess I'm going to need to be more selective in what I discuss with her going forward and limit it to school-related topics only.

    Probably my bad. I think in being a single mom I finally get someone lined up to help me with something and then for lack of anyone else to talk to, jaw their ears off about everything else. Lesson learned. :/
  4. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    I understand how that can happen. I think its OK to talk to her about other stuff but just don't let her get involved in it. Keep her focused on school issues.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear!
    Yep, rein her in.
    The definition of diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to go to H*ll and make them happy to be on their way.
    Obviously, she is in need of training.
    Glad she's on your side, though.
    So sorry.
  6. I agree, you need to take up those reins! She's well-meaning, no doubt, so I'm sure she doesn't want to cause any harm for difficult child. Unfortunately, if she stays on this path, she might...
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    At least now you know who to call when you are at your wit's end and just need someone to go 'militant' for you. then you can just go back an play "good cop"