Afraid to even wish her happy Easter

[LeaMac]

Hi Everyone,

I have had very little communication with my 28 year old daughter since she got out of rehab in late January and it’s been a time of comparative peace for my husband and me. She has stopped her almost constant demands for money ( pre rehab) and is living about an hour away with someone. No idea who. But today I feel like I should at least say Happy Easter or something. Yet I am afraid I would open the door for requests for involvement I no longer want to provide. Like give her money, fix her car, pay for insurance, drive her somewhere. You all know what I mean. I am so done with all of that.

I want to tell her to please get to a psychiatrist and get on medications again. But I have told her that so many times. Have taken her myself and paid for the medications for years. I want to tell her to get a job, stay away from bad influences, be honest, work hard, do what’s right and on and on.

Isn’t it awful that she’s my only child and I am afraid to even say Happy Easter?

Thanks for listening. As you know, it helps to just say this to people who get it.

 

[New Leaf]

Hi Leamac,
It is awful that even thinking of communicating holiday salutations stirs up so many many feelings for us. It is also the consequence of so much turbulent water under the bridge, so many nightmarish memories of past events that keep us vigilant and cautious.
Those memories were not nightmares, they were the bizarre, surreal, reality of our circumstances living with our beloveds going off the rails.

I want to tell her to get a job, stay away from bad influences, be honest, work hard, do what’s right and on and on.

Me too. Only thing is I would just get the rolling eyeballs, silent treatment, or the “you don’t ever listen, or understand” lecture. In my twos opinion, I am the one with the problem, or the creator of all of their problems. Sigh.
No sense pulling the tail of an angry cat.
I hear you loud and clear and get it.
It is a hard path to walk and holidays just have a way of magnifying it all.
Take time for yourself and keep working on what gives you peace of mind.
You are not alone my dear.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy

 

[LeaMac]

Thanks, Leafy. Your reply is a real comfort. I too will strive to stay I loving detachment.

 

[newstart]

LeaMac, I am so sorry for your struggles. It is such a hard road. I have one child remaining, a daughter age 35 almost 36 and I am in the same boat with you on holidays. I just don't want to open the bag of worms more than I have to. Maybe send her a text to say hi or what ever but if you talk it is opening the bag of worms more. A few months ago I told my daughter that the only communication I can have with her for a while is text, I told her I have to do this for my own mental and spiritual health. I told her that regular communication with her is too toxic and I am backing off. Years ago when my daughter was 28 and highly toxic, I told her I was out of her life and I made damn sure I was out for 3 months. My daughter is still highly toxic but quicker to make peace since she knows I have the strength to detach. It is very hard to do but that is the only language my daughter understands. My actions spoke twice as loud as anything I could have said. In reality I just want to grab my daughter by the colar and scream at her 'Get your S together once and for all'.

Sending you compassion and peace.

 

[LeaMac]

Thanks, Newstart. I like what you said about your actions speaking louder than words. I will hope and pray that my silence is having the effect that my years of words have not. I’m not holding out much hope, but I need to keep reassuring myself that it’s okay to just leave the situation alone and live my own life.

 

[ksm]

Maybe when things are better, she will reach out, appropriately, to you.

Maybe each night you can pray and send positive thoughts in to the universe for her.

Ksm