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After Easter

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by newstart, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Easter morning my daughter and her boyfriend come over, he brings the most beautiful tulips, I see she is irritated and I am sure she is mad because he brings us flowers. She almost accidently on purpose knocked them over.. Then he asked us if we would like to have Easter dinner at his mother's home, I told him we would love to, my daughter gives him an ugly look then has a talk with him and he takes it back.
    Easter was on my deceased son's birthday and I wanted family to be together and we would have enjoyed eating an Easter meal together. My husband and I felt hurt.
    The boyfriend is trying to make things work, I have seen a steady positive change in him, he wants family and he is trying. Daughter is an [email protected]@.
  2. 200Meters

    200Meters A real bustard

    What is the backstory here?

    Why is your daughter being such an @ss?

    (I'm kinda new here.)

  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    So did you go to dinner at his parents on Easter?

    I wonder why she is acting so mean toward you? That is hurtful. So sorry.
  4. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hi 200Meters, My daughter is bipolor/borderline. There is never a good reason why she acts like an [email protected]@ It could be because it is sunny or she is mad at someone else. She flips on and off quickly. It hurts us deeply.
  5. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hi RN0441, We did not go to dinner because my daughter talked him out of it. I thought it would be a good idea to spend time with both families but my daughter made sure it did not happen. I think it is because her lies would come to surface. She tries to keep her boyfriend away from us and I believe it is because she lies to him and us so much she would just get exposed. Her lies have caused destruction all over the place yet she continues with them. Husband and I felt deeply hurt.

    Boyfriend has realized that we did not raise her like this. Even though she is like this he loves her and wants it to work. She is lucky to have found someone to put up with her never ending BS. She can be kind but when manic she is horrid.
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Well be glad she has him I guess! Let him deal with it. UGH gosh I hope that you and hubby enjoyed your day in spite of it all.
  7. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    My daughter sometimes get weird when I am around her current b/f and/or his family. I think it's because she presents a certain image of herself with them- all goodness and light, and I know the truth. I also am a truth teller, so I think she worries I might say something that is at odds with the image she has created. She has said several things to me which let me know her b/f, who she is expecting a child with, doesn't know certain things about her. I'm guessing she also hasn't told him she is an alcoholic who has been in and out of sobriety. Of course I know this is a disastrous way of creating a healthy relationship, but her disaster, not mine. Sorry you went through this. I have been there myself and for "normal" people it is terribly difficult.
  8. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    elizabrary, I believe you understand exactly what I wrote.. I think my daughter is so much like yours. I too am a truth teller so it would rock my daughters image in front of her boyfriends family. Each time I am around the boyfriend, I uncover so many lies. A few years ago I landed a fabulous contract job. My daughter told her boyfriend and his family that she was the one that got me the job. My daughter had nothing to do with it at all, that is the kind of BS she tells people. I heard her tell her boyfriend that somebody asked her to be the director of their company. BS...She is on her phone a lot, lazy, tries to get away with doing as little work as possible.. No I don't think a director job would be offered to her at this stage of her life. Plus the lies, oh my gosh the lies, big ones, small ones you name it.

    I have had a few good days with her a couple of weeks ago and now the table has turned. Her attitude towards me is because her boyfriend insisted on coming by and dropping off some flowers. What an A##. Ugly like that on her deceased brothers birthday. What a double [email protected]@.
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Well you love her but you don't have to like her. That could help you tremendously with detachment.
  10. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    I feel bad for the boyfriend. Sounds like he's in for it.
  11. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hi Beta, Just want you to know I think about you and your wayward son and how much he hurts you. I do hope and pray things are better.

    The boyfriend was a handful when I first met him. I was totally disgusted with him. In the last 6 months there has been such a turn around with him. A noticable good healthy turn around. He said he thought the main problem between all of us was my daughter and I agree. Now that he figured out we did not raise our daughter to act the way she does he has changed a lot. I think he thought that no matter how bad she acts we are going to side with her. I think he over heard how ugly she is to her dad and me and the whistles and bells went off in his head, she is awful to who ever loves her the most.
    Both of them have problems that is for sure but he is working hard at trying to better himself and he has his hands full with my daughter. I believe I am witnessing a miracle of sorts with him. I just pray that my daughter will better herself.
  12. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    NewStart, You daughter sounds a lot like my son. I know he presents a different face to people than the one we see. He also doesn't want his girlfriend around us. He says she doesn't want to be around us. I am sure he has told her lies that (he lies all the time) he doesn't want found out.
    I hope your daughter shakes out of it
    I feel bad for you that your son died. I read a quote the other day, The only perfect people are in the graveyard"
  13. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Thank you for your compassion Tired out. It is hard having a deceased child and on his birthday it is triple hard so I really wanted a family get together for Easter, it would have meant a lot to me. Her behavior just adds to the deep down sadness I feel. I have to write a gratitude list again, it does help balance me.
  14. 200Meters

    200Meters A real bustard

    Hopefully some of that miracle will rub off on your daughter.Perhaps he is the agent through which G-d will work His miracles for your daughter.

  15. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    200Meters, What a great thought. Yes, my prayers are that God works miracles in her. What I have witnessed in the boyfriend is truly a miracle. I think at first he was so in love with her that his hormones were all over the place and he was trying to figure out the relationship. It took him a long time but he has a lot to put up with from my daughter. I have no idea how a relationship can work seated in constant lies. He knows she lies all the time yet still loves her, he even told her that in front of us. Her lies has caused her so much grief in all areas of her life I have no idea why at age 37 she still hangs on to them. Welcome 200Meters, I read your story and I am so sorry for the pain you son's are causing you. While we are praying, lets pray for a miracle for them too.
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  16. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    Newstart--thank you for your thoughts and prayers with our son, Josh. I'm sorry too about your son. Holidays can really magnify the sadness and grief, can't they? I wish your daughter had been kind to you.
  17. 200Meters

    200Meters A real bustard

    Hormones being all over the place does not, I think, constitute love. Any pair of glandular teenagers or twentysomethings or thirtysomethings, etc. can paw each other's bodies. That's not love, infatuation or general horniness maybe, but love is far more than that.

    It sounds like your daughter's boyfriend is on the right track vis-a-vis love.