You are not awful. It is impossible to stay in emergency mode forever. That is what the stress of caring for someone more than they care for themselves does to us.Keeps us anxious, on pins and needles, wondering what comes next, and next, and next, and next.
Many times have I gone charging full speed ahead to the rescue, pulling out all of the stops, changing my schedule and rearranging my life to try and help my two. It got to the point where somebody had to change and it wasn’t going to be them, so I did.
Looking back, they knew just how to push my buttons to get me worked up. Keep me afraid of what was coming round the bend. Turned out it was just another Tuesday for them. They went deeper into addiction
no matter what I did.
F.ear, O.bligation, Guilt. That is what keeps us in the game. We are afraid what will happen to them, feel obligated to come to the rescue and feel guilty because they struggle so with their issues. Thing is, the more help, the more they rely on us, then they begin to feel entitled. It is a vicious cycle. There is absolutely no logic to their thinking. They are trying to put their choices and consequences all on us.
No mas.
You are not awful for not diving into the drama.
I am not awful for choosing not to bail out, or speak with my jailed daughter.
It sends a message. I am your parent, not your whipping post.
Figure your life out.
Get a grip on yourself.
That's old fashioned, man up stuff.
John Wayne style.
The scene from Hondo, about swimming. Shucks I can't embed it so I'll just paste the url here;
Learning to swim from John Wayne!
I need to watch this every once in a while to remind myself that my two not only know how to "swim" in this life, they are capable of making better choices, if they
want to.
I couldn't prevent them from going down the path they are on even if I laid my body down to try to stop them, they would run me over, then ransack my house.
We are not awful. Our adult kids are making some awful decisions and expecting us to bare the burden, worry, fretting, rescuing, and to top it all off, they don't appreciate the help.
Nope, Trying, you are not awful,
and neither am I.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy
