An encouraging conversation

[Malika]

I had an encouraging conversation with my son's teacher today (ahead of an interview I have with an education service doctor on Monday). She was full of praise for him, saying she recognises and admires the effort he puts into being concentrated and attentive, that he has made enormous progress, that he is right in the "norm" in terms of learning and acquisitions for this stage and that although he is still sometimes too turbulent, his behaviour is much improved and that he often displays a lovely, caring nature towards adults and children. She said that his behaviour in class was completely "scholarly" and that he is bright and eager to learn. She also told me that he is going to be with the other teacher in the other building from next year because there will be too many little ones in her part of the school... but that she would be delighted to give him special one to one lessons if need be. She seems very fond of and appreciative of him.
I do feel very encouraged by this. Okay, this is only the last year of nursery school but given how hyperactive and brimming over with energy he is at all times outside of school this seems to me nothing short of miraculous. What I particularly appreciated - and simply had not realised until now, because she had not said it before - was that the teacher said she knows how much effort it costs him to concentrate as he does and that he is doing it to please the adults and it is because it is what is expected. So she is not as clueless as I had thought... and I now feel rather sorry that she will not be the teacher next year!
Of course good news is only followed by bad news - not to be pessimistic but just realistic about how the land lies with our difficult children - but really I do feel heartened by this. I hope so much it continues this way!

 

[DDD]

I am delighted that she provided you with the positive validation that you've been seeking. Really you are evolving into an above average Mom. I'm proud of you. DDD

 

[TeDo]

That sounds so encouraging and I am so happy for you. I am also very proud of J. He's doing an awesome job and I hope he is able to continue in this manner. Wouldn't it be wonderful to hear these types of accolades from all of his teachers? You are fortunate to have a teacher who "gets it" and recognizes J's efforts and struggles and is willing to continue assisting him even when she's not his teacher any longer. That is awesome!!

 

[Malika]

Thanks for your generous comments, TeDo. I have to say that I think a HUGE part of this serene picture is due to the tiny class sizes... small really is beautiful as far as children with differences are concerned, I am convinced. Also, I really don't think the teacher did "get it" for quite some time... I was kind of educating her, I guess, as we parents often have to do. Just to show, again, that situations are not fixed and determined but always open to change.

 

[TeDo]

All the better. That makes you an awesome teacher as well as a wonderful mom. Whatever works is what we do. In other words, keep doing what you're doing.

 

[buddy]

I totally agree with TeDo, but then you know I am a fan! I am so glad the teacher/J relationship has become so productive and caring. He really is a great kid. You know, over time you have discussed lots of issues and feelings... I just think your journey even with attachment, is beautiful. You two are quite a team.

 

[Malika]

Actually, a cynical thought occurs... My initial response is always to take people at face value and only later to be a bit more worldly wise. I think that what the teacher said probably is true as far as it goes. The times I have come into the class and seen J, he is perfectly concentrated and attentive to what they are doing. He seems to work autonomously without playing up or seeking distraction. However, why is she suddenly so glowing in her praise and giving me such a positive vibe when before she has been generally positive about J but not usually in such warm, caring terms? I think... being cynical but realistic... that the answer probably lies in history (as is so often the case ) I am friends with a woman in the village who withdrew her daughter from the school about a decade ago because this teacher refused to accept that she had dyslexia (she in fact has severe dyslexia, and has many accommodations at school now) and accused her of being slow, lazy, etc... The parents complained to the education authorities, there was an investigation, the teacher nearly lost her job. And on Monday I am going to see the doctor who works for the education authority and whom the teacher said she knew well... I think maybe, probably this teacher is anxious that I report only good things to her about the way in which she has worked with J.
This is the cynical perspective. I think she probably does care about the children, though this is not always on display, and I think she HAS worked hard with J. He likes her and regularly wants to take her little flowers he has picked, etc, and that must be a sign of something. But I was just pondering about why she has suddenly begun saying she recognises he makes special efforts and it is hard for him (she's never said anything like this before) at this particular juncture... There we are. All in the garden is not roses. It is just.... real life, with some roses but also some weeds.

 

[susiestar]

I had wondered if you appointment with the ed doctor had something to do with her glowing praise. If it did, well, it still shows she realizes that J works hard to please her. This means that she has worked to form a bond with J and that is an amazing thing. It is sooooooo easy for a teacher to be negative and to totally make a kid dislike school and learning. It took less than three mos for a teacher to bring this about in wiz in 1st grade. Before that he LOVED school and learning, and did all he could to make his teacher happy. but this teacher was a witch and never gave praise and she hated Wiz. there is NOT another way to explain her actions and attitude. So the fact that J really likes this teacher and watns to take her flowers is great.

You have educated her. She also sees that you won't just lay down and let her walk on your child, that you will fight for what he needs. So seh wants you to be happy bc she realizes you can really mess up her world. That isn't a bad thing, in my opinion.

It is a rare teacher who can actually see how much effort an adhd child puts into paying attention at school. So she is great just for that - even if she only lately realizes it thanks to your education of her and your efforts for J that made her pay attention to what you taught her.

You have done a great job educating this teacher. Children for years to come will benefit from your hard work teaching this teacher about adhd. You are an awesome mom!!!