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An update, sigh
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 759567" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Thanks for the responses everyone. </p><p></p><p></p><p>His older brother had left him a message before his dad's wife called me. I didn't call him because I didn't want to tell him she didn't want him at the services for his father. Considering the lack of contact with him over these past months it's hard for me to figure out what is right to do verses what's wrong. It's very sad. My son did end up going to the services. His social worker from the mental health organization he is involved with brought him. I was going to go to the mass but decided in the end not to because I realized my initial decision to go was really because I was attempting to do the right thing for my son. It's not that I wouldn't have gone under somewhat normal circumstances but mental illness runs in the family and there is one person I was concerned who might pull a drama event to have me thrown out, so I decided to protect myself from that. I sent flowers from my family instead. I sent a message to my ex's wife and she responded that she totally understood. I didn't know what that meant at the time, only that she knew my son was going in hindsight. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He called me last night. At least for now he's watching what he's saying. He was crying through most of our call and was very apologetic towards me and when talking about how he treated his father during his final time. He still thinks his issues are from "childhood abuse" and not having bipolar disorder so I walked on egg shells while talking to him. I just listened and told him how much his father loves him and wants the best for him and such. It's a whole other topic about how I protected my son from his fathers off the wall behaviors through the years as he was trying to get to me by treating my son badly. Seemed harder to keep that information at bay now for some reason, but he will never know of that stuff, I will never ever tell him. I am not expecting any change in my relationship with my son after his call last night, it's up to him. I accept things are whatever they will be, no control on my part. </p><p></p><p></p><p>For real, feel like I'm unpacking every freaking thing from the last 26 years sometimes. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you very much (takes a bow) I did nothing. Judged wrong or right for not going to the mass, judged wrong or right for not calling my son, yeah either way I know it will be decided that I did the wrong thing and would have been if I had done the opposite, and not just by my son. Sometimes people just want you to be wrong, so I honored myself and did what was right for me. </p><p></p><p>Thanks so much everyone, my "in real life" people care and have let me know with extra attention the last couple of days but they just can't relate, you are all priceless to me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 759567, member: 22840"] Thanks for the responses everyone. His older brother had left him a message before his dad's wife called me. I didn't call him because I didn't want to tell him she didn't want him at the services for his father. Considering the lack of contact with him over these past months it's hard for me to figure out what is right to do verses what's wrong. It's very sad. My son did end up going to the services. His social worker from the mental health organization he is involved with brought him. I was going to go to the mass but decided in the end not to because I realized my initial decision to go was really because I was attempting to do the right thing for my son. It's not that I wouldn't have gone under somewhat normal circumstances but mental illness runs in the family and there is one person I was concerned who might pull a drama event to have me thrown out, so I decided to protect myself from that. I sent flowers from my family instead. I sent a message to my ex's wife and she responded that she totally understood. I didn't know what that meant at the time, only that she knew my son was going in hindsight. He called me last night. At least for now he's watching what he's saying. He was crying through most of our call and was very apologetic towards me and when talking about how he treated his father during his final time. He still thinks his issues are from "childhood abuse" and not having bipolar disorder so I walked on egg shells while talking to him. I just listened and told him how much his father loves him and wants the best for him and such. It's a whole other topic about how I protected my son from his fathers off the wall behaviors through the years as he was trying to get to me by treating my son badly. Seemed harder to keep that information at bay now for some reason, but he will never know of that stuff, I will never ever tell him. I am not expecting any change in my relationship with my son after his call last night, it's up to him. I accept things are whatever they will be, no control on my part. For real, feel like I'm unpacking every freaking thing from the last 26 years sometimes. Thank you very much (takes a bow) I did nothing. Judged wrong or right for not going to the mass, judged wrong or right for not calling my son, yeah either way I know it will be decided that I did the wrong thing and would have been if I had done the opposite, and not just by my son. Sometimes people just want you to be wrong, so I honored myself and did what was right for me. Thanks so much everyone, my "in real life" people care and have let me know with extra attention the last couple of days but they just can't relate, you are all priceless to me. [/QUOTE]
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