And a step backwards...the unnecessary lie

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Mom2oddson, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Why??? I don't get why difficult child 1 had to tell a that wasn't necessary.

    He and his friends stayed over Sunday night. They had said something about going to school on Monday. Then when I got home at 4pm last night, he and his friends come running out to tell me how they had to miss school because they were looking for Grandma's dog. (I'm dog-sitting this week) Something about how they left the back gate open the night before and how it was all my fault because they didn't know that I had Grandma's dog.

    1) I don't care if he goes to school or not so he didn't have to tell me whether he went or not.
    2) It was 4pm, the school doesn't call me and notify me about his going or not going...hasn't since his 18th b-day. So he could have said nothing and I wouldn't of asked.
    3) I know the gate was locked because I always check it.
    4) If the gate was open, my three runners would of had a hey-day checking out the neighborhood.

    So why tell a lie??? I don't get it. Are difficult children compelled to lie? Or was it just that I had bragged here about a few steps forward so he had to take one backwards?
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Methinks there was something more than missing school about this.
  3. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Maybe there is. Just not sure what though? difficult child 1 and his two buddies could of slept in. That would be normal. difficult child 1 usually doesn't wake up until 2pm. Maybe he had other friends come over after all, someone did a load of laundry for him. (I don't do his laundry and it hasn't been done since his xGF did a load in Sept....maybe the clothes DID decide to wash themselves out of self-defense)

    Maybe I need to go check and see if there is any alcohol missing. I know there wasn't yesterday morning, but I didn't look last night. Hmmmm....
  4. Bean

    Bean Member


    Sometimes my GFGd will lie when there is absolutely no reason to lie. I don't know if it is habit, or the thrill-seeker in her that just enjoys life a wee bit better when she's being even 10% deceptive.

    I've called her on it a few times, then trying to walk her though it and having her admit she lied, and then thinking on why she lied. Usually the reason is a shrug of the shoulders.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Maybe the other boys were going to get in trouble, and they felt that they needed to make up grand stories?
  6. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    If there is laundry done, I would be looking around for signs of a girl.
  7. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Fran...toooo funny and experience tells me....might very well be true too!

    I don't know why they lie. Perhaps it is low self esteem. They don't want you to see them in a poor light. They don't even want to see themselves that way.

    Or it is a lack of accountability. Fear...of some kind....

    Thrill seeking is a possibility. But again, I do think low self esteem could be part of that this is the only way they could feel good about themselves...pulling the wool over someone's eyes.

    However, telling the truth really is the beginning of health....very hard to get this point across.

    As we all know...can end up a dangerous thing.

    Therapy could be helpful...that unconditional positive regard might provide a safe haven.
  8. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    I thought lying was a hallmark of CD? At least, mine lies continuously. I think he believes those lies himself, which would point to delusional issues too, right? I don't know, but mine has been lying about stuff since, oh, age 6? Stupid things, like a lot of kids do, about brushing teeth, or doing a chore, or having homework. He's just more consistent than a "normal" kid.

    Usually it's to cover up something he shouldn't have done, should have done, or to throw blame on someone else. This would be typical of mine; he'd also want to show that he was the "hero", by looking for the dog, and how he had to "sacrifice" his schooling for the day in order to do so.

    Sigh. Always something, isn't it? Mine is really creative tho - told a prof. he missed class because of non-existent court dates, non-existent illness, and once he blamed his absence on being in foster care....