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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 756269" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>I needed to hear this TNT as a reminder to myself. It's such a slippery slope we travel and just when we think we're walking around with our invisible shield of boundaries, courage and strength we get sucker punched! Ouch... How many times must we go through this until we learn? Learning lessons takes such a long time for us enablers, I feel. We always think that we are the ones who will step in and save the day. I say this for myself as well..."we just don't learn...quickly". </p><p></p><p>But the good news is, as I can see it, you have not slipped all the way back. You can now see through the fog and know better. It's not like you're still back in the dark not knowing there is even light to be had. You now know what you need to do and for that I will pray for courage and strength for you to figure out the best plan to remove your son. We know that's really the first step for "your" recovery. You've given him all the chances and help for his recovery but now you know you have to be the one to be the change. </p><p></p><p>You cannot change him just like I cannot change my two sons who occasionally pull me into thinking they're try to make some changes for themselves, all the while their hands are still outstretched looking for my financial support.</p><p></p><p>You can do this. Pray and search and ask God to guide you to say and do the right things so he will leave peacefully and without incident. You are not being fair to yourself if you don't. Take care of yourself.</p><p></p><p>PS and by the way...I always remember something I heard in Al anon. "An alcoholic will drink over an untied shoelace." I used to think if I could prevent all the crisis and soften all the blows my ex-husband was experiencing that he'd have no reason to drink because life was being made "easy" for him. The joke was on me because I was stressed juggling all the balls like a circus clown and he still drank. You cannot prevent your son from experiencing life on life's terms. The same is true for you and me.</p><p></p><p>Sending prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 756269, member: 23405"] I needed to hear this TNT as a reminder to myself. It's such a slippery slope we travel and just when we think we're walking around with our invisible shield of boundaries, courage and strength we get sucker punched! Ouch... How many times must we go through this until we learn? Learning lessons takes such a long time for us enablers, I feel. We always think that we are the ones who will step in and save the day. I say this for myself as well..."we just don't learn...quickly". But the good news is, as I can see it, you have not slipped all the way back. You can now see through the fog and know better. It's not like you're still back in the dark not knowing there is even light to be had. You now know what you need to do and for that I will pray for courage and strength for you to figure out the best plan to remove your son. We know that's really the first step for "your" recovery. You've given him all the chances and help for his recovery but now you know you have to be the one to be the change. You cannot change him just like I cannot change my two sons who occasionally pull me into thinking they're try to make some changes for themselves, all the while their hands are still outstretched looking for my financial support. You can do this. Pray and search and ask God to guide you to say and do the right things so he will leave peacefully and without incident. You are not being fair to yourself if you don't. Take care of yourself. PS and by the way...I always remember something I heard in Al anon. "An alcoholic will drink over an untied shoelace." I used to think if I could prevent all the crisis and soften all the blows my ex-husband was experiencing that he'd have no reason to drink because life was being made "easy" for him. The joke was on me because I was stressed juggling all the balls like a circus clown and he still drank. You cannot prevent your son from experiencing life on life's terms. The same is true for you and me. Sending prayers. [/QUOTE]
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