And here we go again

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by LauraH, Mar 20, 2019.

  1. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    I hope you're all not getting tired of hearing from me. The bad news is that nothing has really changed with my son (but I don't think anybody really expected it to, least of all me). The good news is that I've changed and it's as if I'm watching from a distance if not altogether emotionally detached from his struggles.

    My son has a friend who himself struggled with alcoholism for years and finally after trying various programs was able to get sober. This friend is a godsend for both my son and for me. In the short time they've known each other he's stepped up and done things for my son that I either couldn't do or chose not to do.

    He called me today to let me know that he had taken my son yesterday to a detox center in St. Augustine, a good hour to an hour and a half away, sometime yesterday. He said he had been at that same facility when he was fighting his own demons. I won't tell you what led up to this, but what he told me was horrifying. Assuming my son doesn't walk out he should be there between five to seven days. I was grateful that he called me, because I hadn't heard from my son at all today and had no idea if he was working, out using somewhere, or what. I think there's a better chance of him not walking out because as far as I know he doesn't know a soul in St. Augustine so would have nowhere to go.

    There are two Nar-Anon meetings locally, the one I've started going to and another that I can't go to because of my lack of transportation. But this friend said he wants to go with me so unless anything comes up to prevent it he will pick me up tomorrow and we'll go to that one. Otherwise I'll have to wait until Monday.

    I am so grateful that he was able to talk my son into going to detox and even more grateful that he was kind enough to let me know what was going on. I asked him why my son hadn't called me himself and he explained that this particular detox center doesn't allow the patients to make or receive phone calls. From what I understand he gave the staff permission to speak with me, but honestly I'm not ready to talk to anyone there. I'll wait and maybe try to call them in a couple of days to see how he's doing, what the discharge plan is, etc. But right now I don't want to be involved. I know that sounds awful but I also know many of you are in the same place of detachment although we still love our children and hope and pray for a positive outcome.
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  2. Acacia

    Acacia Active Member

    I, for one, don't get sick of hearing from anyone on this site. We are all trying our best in incredibly difficult circumstances. Some of my acquaintances say they don't know why I am still standing. I am standing because I reach out for help and do my best to change and grow. We all have different learning curves.

    I think it's wonderful that someone who's 'been there' has taken your son under his wing. It's the best you can hope for, and it's up to your son whether he can or will take guidance. For now he is safe and has another chance.
  3. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    Absolutely. I am very impressed with this young man. And I think if anyone can help my son (besides himself, I mean) it would probably be him. Not only has he been on the negative end of the battle, where my son is now, and made it through, but he is my son's peer. He's far more likely to respond to that kind of help than to help from someone from an older generation (me), especially when I don't have any first hand experience with the struggle and can't fully comprehend why it's not just a simple matter of making up one's mind and being done with it. (I know that's not how it works, but somewhere in my mind I'm thinking it should be that simple, although God knows it's not)
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    We never get sick of hearing from anyone so keep us in the loop.

    That is great news about your son's friend. Wow. Amazing. It is also good that son is doing to detox.

    This may not be THE fix but it is a step in the right direction. It takes many, many of those.
  5. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    The friend sounds like he's starting to realize, though, that everything he's doing for my son isn't really helping as much as it is rescuing. I'm really glad that he asked if he could go with me to Nar-Anon. He's nearly as involved as I am and he needs to start setting boundaries himself because he has a job, a relationship, and a life that he shouldn't jeopardize by putting it on hold trying to save my son.
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Laura, please do not ever think anyone here will tire of you posting. That is what this site is for.

    I'm so glad that your son has a friend that know exactly what he's going through and was able to get him to a detox.

    No, this does not sound awful, it sounds honest and there is nothing wrong with being honest. Just because we need to detach from our adult children does not mean that we no longer love them. It may sound awful to someone who has no clue what you, I and other parents here have lived through but this isn't about other people, this is about you and your need to have some peace in your life.

    I think getting your son to a detox is helpful. Where it goes from here, yes, he will need to make sure he has firm boundaries in place and your son will have to decide for himself if he wants to and is willing to do the work to stay sober.

    Thanks for sharing with us.