And I am Back

[amazeofgrace]

Good morning, it's been awhile - but I already see some handles of friends from way back when - and I've missed you,

My difficult child 2 is now 23 - and I wish I could share a success story with everyone, but we're still very much struggling. He is currently at an all time high as far as being manic and has been unmedicated since 17/18. I am def one of those mom's who wants weed legal (and I have never even used it). I see a hospitalization in his future but he's off my medical and NJ's mental health benefits stink for adults.

I am here more to ease my own anxiety (also at a all time high) and maybe share some support for parents still fighting the good fight - which I fought hard (still am) but am questioning if I did it right, cause I have a 23 yo who has no diploma, license or control over his BiPolar (BP). He moved out for a month and then was back. No Lie Best month of my life, despite the added worry.

So hello, happy Sunday, hope everyone is healthy in this day and age. I feel like I am back home from a long journey. AOG

 

[amazeofgrace]

PS: guess I should update my signature

 

[MissLulu]

Hello AOG.

I don't think we've met, but welcome back!

I'm here with a 24 year old in who sounds similar to yours (mental health issues, heavy use of weed) except he is living away from us right now. My son stopped seeing his psychologist when he moved out of home. He said he couldn't afford to, but that's just an excuse. We're in Australia and we get six free mental health visits a year if we visit our doctor and get a mental health plan. I offered to pay for extra visits, but he told me he was fine and didn't need the psychologist anymore. I expect that means he's also off his medication, but I don't know because he doesn't live with me anymore.

I love the peace in my house but I still worry every day.

I can relate to your anxiety too. I feel I need therapy but I didn't want to start while we're in lockdown - I really feel I need to talk to someone face to face not over the phone. In the meantime, I come here and find support. I have good days and bad days. I find the nights are worst. I'm practicing detaching and loving from afar. Some days that works okay. Other days I'm a mess.

Is there a plan for your son to move back out of home, or is that not possible?

 

[amazeofgrace]

Hello AOG.

I don't think we've met, but welcome back!

I'm here with a 24 year old in who sounds similar to yours (mental health issues, heavy use of weed) except he is living away from us right now. My son stopped seeing his psychologist when he moved out of home. He said he couldn't afford to, but that's just an excuse. We're in Australia and we get six free mental health visits a year if we visit our doctor and get a mental health plan. I offered to pay for extra visits, but he told me he was fine and didn't need the psychologist anymore. I expect that means he's also off his medication, but I don't know because he doesn't live with me anymore.

I love the peace in my house but I still worry every day.

I can relate to your anxiety too. I feel I need therapy but I didn't want to start while we're in lockdown - I really feel I need to talk to someone face to face not over the phone. In the meantime, I come here and find support. I have good days and bad days. I find the nights are worst. I'm practicing detaching and loving from afar. Some days that works okay. Other days I'm a mess.

Is there a plan for your son to move back out of home, or is that not possible?

Hi Lulu - it's nice to meet you.

At this point any plans would be futile because he is so unstable - he was the one that chose to move out and immediately had issues with the room mate being "too controlling" and then tried staying with another friend and had same issue, saying they were both control freaks.

I brought up him going to see his old psychiatrist around 7 am this morning, after he walked home drunk (15 miles) and had lost his wallet and phone, and well.... thankfully no kitchen appliances were harmed, as the answer was no with some shouting and cursing mixed in.

I bit the bullet and started therapy again via Zoom this past week actually, it's not ideal, neither is church online, but both are necessary right now for me to function. My anxiety can disable me physically which makes life very hard.

It sounds like your son is independent which is good, is he possibly self medicating? Holding a job? Doe she have a room mate? I relate completely with the worry - I felt guilty for feeling the peace the short time he was out - my oldest son was out since 18, and I worried about him too, but he was street smart and not manic, he just made really bad decisions (a lot), still kinda does. He and his brother are NOT close at all - picture Trex and Indominus Rex battle in Jurassic World...

 

[MissLulu]

It sounds like your son is independent which is good, is he possibly self medicating? Holding a job? Doe she have a room mate?

Yes, he is independent - to a degree. He lives in a house (with three friends), which his father and I own. We bought it (took out a mortgage) so he would have a safe place to live. They pay us rent and so far haven't missed a month - they've been there since March. We have an agent who they pay rent to and who doesn't inspections of the house, and so far so good!

He has a full time job and a girlfriend, so on the surface all looks good, but there have been "incidents" - he has depressive episodes and "meltdowns" - where things like his phone get broken. so far, the only reason I know about the incidents is because he told me about the phone breakage (twice in a month - sigh). My husband was supposed to go visit to fix an internal door lock in the house but he contacted me on Facebook to say tell dad not to come because I'm not having a good day. He is avoiding us - we haven't seen him in the flesh for a couple of months, even though he lives nearby - and I am almost certain he is self-medicating. I tell myself this isn't my business unless he asks for my help. He is almost 25.

His girlfriend is lovely (and sensible) I have contacted her a couple of times just to ask if he is okay, but I don't want to abuse that relationship. And as I said, I'm trying my best to detach from all the drama.

I have two other sons - both who are high achieving and no problem. They (especially my middle son) do not get along with their brother and do not want to spend time with him. I don't blame them...

 

[amazeofgrace]

My oldest son, 29 still struggles with depression/anxiety - he has 2 children - that I love dearly - but he is trying his best with his girlfriend who I also adore.

 

[MissLulu]

So lovely that you have two beautiful grandchildren and it sounds like their mother is wonderful too.

I hope you are feeling a bit better today.