Getting closer to my sons court date & now the calls are asking for a second chance. I called Job Corps but with the Coronovirus there not accepting anyone & they don’t know when they will, all I could do was put him on a waitlist ,called a few other places but same thing everywhere. I did mention this to my son but he’s just told me if they send him anywhere he will runaway , I told him then I will not help finding him placement , here I am making so many calls to get him help & that’s what he tells me. I tried talking to my husband about him coming back , but it did not go well, my husband said we tried & that my son needs help , I mentioned how no one is accepting patients but he really didn’t care :/ I don’t know why I keep reading my sons letter over & over , I know he needs me , I need to be here for him. Maybe I’m not thinking clear, sometimes in my mind I think about what if I had a husband who understood my pain , who understood how many nights I cry ,how my life felt so complete when my son was here, would he do this to our kids if they ever struggled with mental illness or addiction or is it’s because he’s my son, as I write this he’s in the shower & I just can’t stop crying , but when he comes in the room , I act like nothing & he has no clue, I’m probably not making any sense , it’s just one of my bad days & Im hurting so much , I get like this everytime court comes up.